[smiles4398]

Please help! Maybe I am just needing to get out my frustration or my anxiety, but I am really having a hard time. My husband and I are foster parents and have been for over a year now. We have a little boy who we finalized the adoption on not all that long ago. He and I bonded immediately and have a great mother/son relationship. However, we now have another foster child that is 7 months old. He is so beautiful and a real special child. However, I am having a very hard time bonding with him. He took real well with my husband and really wants nothing to do with me. He won't allow me to pick him up without crying, if I pick him up from daycare and my husband doesn't get home for a while he will cry until he does. Which has made bonding with him very difficult. I have attempted to play and hold him, sing to him, read to him, but to no avil he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like a total failure and feel as though I am doing something wrong. Any suggestions? Has anyone else been through this? Please Help, all I want to do is help this child.

[Timberkit]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's really frustrating. I've had two children who I had a hard time bonding with and they with me. They did not have any attachment disorders. Contrary to popular belief we don't instantly bond with all children regardless of their age.

My first was an 11 month boy who was fost/adopt. It took 8 months!! When he was reunited with his birth family we could not have been closer. The second was my 3yo son. Naturally I adored him the moment I saw him, he was 7 mths. He did not feel the same. I could not bathe, feed, cuddle or even put him to bed. My husband on the other hand could do no wrong. My son bonded to him so close that he called me Dada until he was 26 months old. Go figure?

I was upset, confused and even embarressed. What was I doing wrong? I mean I'm the Mom so how come he didn't feel comfortable with me? I still can't answer that question but we do have an outstanding relationship now.

So anyway, it may take some time but keep doing what your doing, being an outstanding mom, and it'll fall into place.

[TexasJingles]

Well, mine was 7 yr old when he arrived and, like you guys, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. My husband was who he ran to, played with, woke up when he had a bad dream.

Now, 14 months later, I woke him up this morning and then went to wake up his sister, and as I walked past his door he called out. He wanted a hug...from me!

I have an idea of what went on though. He was (and is at times) VERY angry with bmom. Since she is not here, I get it. The only thing I can do is keep loving him, doing attachment things that I've read about on Nancy Thomas' website.

I didn't push him though. I had to wait for that 1st "I love you Mom" for almost a year! That was so hard! Dh gets that every night at bed time, me it's been 4 times in 14 months, but he is starting to run up to me for hugs (big ones, not that fakey kind!) and requesting to stay with me when he has a choice.

Hang in there! This baby sounds like he's really mad at bmom. Even as infants they know. Bmom let him down. Just be there, doing what you normally do. I'm sure he'll come around soon.

[smiles4398]

What is Nancy Thomas's website?

[TexasJingles]

www.attachment.org

I usually do a search, but becareful because there is an artist out there with the same name.