[amaz5]

We recently had the newborn sibling of our two other children placed with us. The bmother will be relinquishing her rights to us and the baby will be adopted by us when the 6-mo waiting period has passed. This is being done through the state so the baby can have all the advantages that the siblings have (they are former foster children and now our adopted children).
Here's the snag: the potential bfather must be notified before the baby can legally be placed for adoption. The bmother wants the baby with us, the CASA worker wants the baby with us, and the social workers all agree that the baby should be with us so we have everyone on our side. Our concern, and the bmother's concern, is that the bfather or the his family may come forward to try to claim the baby. The bmother is not going to relinquish until the bfather matter is settled. She definitely does not want the baby going to him or his family. According to what we know, he's a drug dealer and the family has had numerous run in's with the law. He has threatened the life of the bmother (prior to the pregnancy) and she has been out of the state during the pregnancy and out of contact with him. He never made any attempts to try to claim the other children so everyone believes he will just sign away any rights (or however that works) and then the bmom will relinquish.
If there is any problem at all with the bfather or his family, do we have any rights legally to help the bmom so we can adopt the baby? We adore and have cared for the baby since it was 2 days old. We won't know anything about the bfather situation until the next hearing which is about a month from now. If anyone has any experience or info that would be helpful, we'd appreciate it. We are trying to prepare ourselves and be practical about the situation. We don't intend to give up the baby AT ALL and not without a HUGE fight. The bmom is in agreement with us so we are all waiting to see what will happen.
Has anyone been in this type of situation?
thanks,
Emmy

[HappyMomAnna]

Actually this is not that unusual however often the bfather of the third child is not the same as the other siblings--that might be a little different.

First of all you are very wise to be practicle about this situation. You will not know what the bfather is going to do until he does it. So keep your head on straight for everyone's sake.

The fact that you have adopted the older two siblings and that he is also thier bfather will NOT help his case should he decide to fight.... Clearly there has been a TPR on him before or he simply didn't care. If he decides now to fight for the new baby he will have an uphill battle. Which may or may not be more then he is willing to suffer. He is going to have to 'prove' many things before the state would give him custody under these circumstances. And he will most likely have to pass a homestudy--with a prior domestic violence issue he may have a really hard time doing this.

The bottom line will be that he will have to do a lot of work and pretty quickly. He will have to have enough motivation to get legal help--and to follow through with any case plan--and he will really need to work hard.

That being said, "he might actually do it." and that is something he does have the right to try and do. This is his child too. Our soceity cannot demand one father pay support for a child that is his and another father roll over and agree to place a child for adoption....without good reason to believe it is in the best interest of the child.

As for this statement:

do we have any rights legally to help the bmom so we can adopt the baby?

Be very careful there are many laws in the area of the kind of 'help' you can offer a birthmother who is placing her child with you. Do you mean finacial? Do you mean emotional? what exactly is the help you intend to offer?

You might consider contacting an adoption attorney and finding out what kind of help a potintial adoptive family is leaglly permitted to provide in your state before you help in any way. These laws are there to protect the birthmother and you from charges of baby selling or other legally shady things. I would assume the birthfather would have certain rights. The last thing you want is for some kind of messy situation to develop because of your efforts to help the birthmother.

[amaz5]

Hi Anna, thanks so much for your response. I definitely agree with holding off on any help until we are sure it is all legally okay. We are going strictly 'by the book' and talking to the caseworkers and the CASA worker to be sure nothing we do is out of line or can be misconstrued.
We have been invited to join in the meeting to determine the case plan, etc. And the CASA worker has told me she will be more than happy to take me or both of us along to the next hearing. If nothing else, it will allow us to meet everyone involved (attorneys etc) and see what the process is in court.
We'll see what happens. The baby is now nearly a month old and growing so fast! It's amazing how quickly time has passed.
Thanks again.
Emmy