[Love_um_all]

i'm really bummed about reading all these success stories from you guys. I have been a fosterparent for 2+ years now, have lost 2 baby boys, and have a little girl possible to go to relative. I hate this. I keep going through the ringer. My FAD worker just tells me "hang in there" but, it seems, come on. Is this the way it works, or am I not aggressive enough. I don't know what else I should be doing. Of course, it is not just hard for me and DH to lose the babies, but it is really hard on my family too. Any advice?

[DianeS]

I'm not in Texas, but yes, what you describe is the way that the foster-adopt program works in most places. To continue to take in children whose permanent home has not yet been picked places you at risk of losing the child to other people.

If you don't want to lose any more children, then you should investigate an adopt-only program, where the only children you'd take into your home must be already legally freed for adoption and where you are the chosen permanent home.

Being "aggressive" doesn't have anything to do with it. Being picky about the legal standing of a child before you accept the child into your home DOES have everything to do with it.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide, and hope your forever child comes to you soon!

[happydaze]

I am so sorry, I know it must be so hard to care for those babies and then have to let them go. We just got licensed for our states foster/adopt program. It seems that in our state a high number do end up being legally free, after a long wait. The kids here are ususually in the "fast track" program for a reason, of course the state's first goal is always reunification. My friend was able to adopt her twins after 18 months as was another friend. But no matter what the statistics, when it happens to you (losing one) who cares about the numbers. I do feel for your situation because like us, you probably do this program because it is where the younger children are available. We actually were going to do a straight adoption with a toddler, but were incredibly misinformed about her situation, so it did not work out, and it was an emotional rollercoaster. I am trying to go into the legal risk program with the frame of mind that we are fostering, and we can help give a little child a good start. In the eventuallity that we are able to adopt them, that would be wonderful. I will just plan on that it may be a few babies before we get to keep them. But I know this is easier said then done, of course you fall in love with them! What a wonderful thing you have done for those 3 babies though, what a gift you have given them. I hope that in the future it will work out for you to get to keep one forever! Don't give up, there are so many children who desperately need you! Happy Holidays

[Love_um_all]

thanks, I know. I just will keep going. I have nothing else to do but foster, so I will continue. I have learned so much from these kiddos. And there is a sence of accomplisshment when they go home. Thanks for the help

[Love_um_all]

I met a friend of the family who we have know for 10+ years- off and on, well - we were talking tonight and she told me she is working with CASA. I was so excited. She told me she is gonna look in her book, and think some about our case and see if there is anything she can do to help us with our baby girl. I'm so excited for some help. I think she is going to be my new best friend!

Our girl already has termination on bmom and alleged bfathers. Just waiting on relative from FL homestudy. It is sooooo hard to wait.... I am feeling so much pressure... I just want to know. akkkkkk!!!

[sls_93]

We are just now in the process of getting our homestudy approved for foster/adopt. I know it's going to be hard when I have to send one home, I just hope and pray I keep a open mind that the child will go home instead of my hopes up that I will get to keep them. Wish me luck. Our FAD worker said she hopes to have it finialized by Feb. Then the wait will be on. We live in a small county so how does all that work? Do they just bring kids that live in your county or kids that she is responsiable for?
SLS
Where one gives life the other provides it.

[HappyMomAnna]

Foster to adopt has this side to the sotry--letting babies go back and I have heard of some people letting 10-15-20 children return before a one sticks for adoption.....

There should also be a straight adoption program in your state. I know in some states you can continue to Foster while waiting for an Adoption Placement. With straight adoption you wait for the match and once a child is placed it is very unusual for the child to be removed.....

We chose straight adoption knowing that the chances of an infant were lower and knowing that no matter what issues we faced we would have to deal with them........ To be honest I did not miss the first year of diapers and all night feeding with our son.............he was placed with us three-days before he turned one! And one less year of diapers really does not bug me!

Anyway---we knew we would not be able to let ONE child go after we loved them for even a day!

We knew we would be poor foster parents because the GOAL of Foster Care is REUNIFICATION not adoption.

[Love_um_all]

I know, I want to adopt. But, sometimes we actually make a difference to the parents, and that can be comforting when you foster. I don't want to miss any thing with my new baby and I see that as a bonding time, I just have to bear the risk to have them from the beginning. I really want that. It may not make a difference once I raise one or two, but now, I want the babies.

And when they leave, I just deal with it. I know that when one leaves, there are many more babies to come. People ask, what will you do when she leaves, I say, get another one, they think I a glutton for punishment. But, I just say, it takes as long as it takes and when our family comes together, I will be better prepared to be a good mom, I have learned so much from fostering, I think I'm going to be a great mom.

[willowhawk]

That was the exact reason why I could not do foster care.....I could not stand to see a baby or a child leave my home after falling in love with them....I adopted my 5 kids with just that in mind...adoption....I give foster parents tons of credit for loving and then having their babies leave....I never could...

[Marlis]

Love_um_all,


I hear exactly what you are saying... I have been a foster parent for 2 years now. I have had 6 kiddos. 5 of which have come and gone. I have a little girl that is 16 months old I have had her for almost a year now. You are right when you say you will just get another one. I have people tell me all the time they could not be a foster parent and let the kids go. There was a time I could not either. We both know it takes a special person to do what we do. I always tell myself that I am giving these kiddos love, care, compassion and concern thay they might have never had and might never have again, while they are in my care. Hang in there you forever child will come your way.

Mary

[HappyMomAnna]

I agree--it does take a very special kind of love to be able to give a baby everything and let the baby go home---and I hope and pray eveyday that the only people who decide to do this great work understand--at least--in advance the whole nature of the love they offer.

Those of you who are willing and able to love these children and suffer the heart ache of returning them and working with their birthfamilies for reunification have a very special place in my heart! You are remarkable people! You are amazing to me! You give these children more then you will ever really understand! You give these families a chance--and you take a chance with your own hearts---If I could give out awards of honor they would all be given to those families who have fostered--and benn able to love with no strings attached........thank you.

[Kerrieann]

We are also foster to adopt parents and just in the last 4 months have had 6 babies. All have stayed anywhere from one week to 6 weeks before having to leave. All of these were high risk cases that a relative stepped in and was approved to take. So we have gone through the joy and heartache 6 times in a very short time.
I would never give up being a foster parent though. The joy, however short lived it may be, is worth it for me. When it is our time..God will bring us the baby or babies meant to be. Until then we will continue to try and make a difference in the lives of all of the children that walk in and out of our home. I wish you the best
God Bless
KerrieAnn

[Love_um_all]

thank you all. That really helps and does make me feel better to know there are other people who have been there and still do this no matter what the cost. I love all my kids, It is hard. Time is going on, and we are getting closer to the answer on our baby girl's relative homestudy. It is starting to sink in. I am not getting any indication that they will not pass. So, I am trying to make peace and prepare myself for it again. Thank you all.

[jodybird511]

Love um all:

Are you licensed as a "legal risk" family? If not, you should consider it. In Texas, legal risk kids are those that are expected to have rights terminated and become available for adoption. Of course, that doesn't always happen...and I'm sure many times relatives come out of the woodwork or the rights don't get terminated. My partner and I were very lucky. We've kept the very first baby that was placed with us as a legal risk placement! She's been with us for 4 months and rights were terminated formally one month ago. We're now in the adoption prep phase. Hang in there!

jody