[MAMoore]

Hi,

My sister is a foster to adopt parent. She has two children from the same parents. The first child she got at around 8 months old only to have to return her to the parents after a year of caring for her as her daughter. She got that baby girl back after another 8 months along with her newly arrived 8 month old little sister. Now after sooo long (one is 4 the other is 3) the children are about to be returned to the biological parents...I think the childrens' best interests are not beign served but the decision has been made and they are going back officially in 100 days. My sister is devastated. We keep trying to think that there is a grand plan - that for some reason they need to go back to a home where we know that they dont receive basic care and suspect that even basic love is a stretch and where we are concerned about things we see as signs that sexual abuse may have occured - but it is hard.

Does anyone have any hope to share? Stories where the end makes this easier to bear? She doesnt know I'm here writing this...I thought maybe someone who has experienced something similar with an encouraging story might help her move forward...I think the worst part of this whole experience is that she loves these children as her own but because of the system she is helpless to help them.

[MAMoore]

thank you..thank you. i'll share your message with my sis...

[lambeausam]

If the kids are exhibiting signs of possible abuse, report the information to the caseworker and have it documented by an investigator. Personal opinion - make sure a person qualified in investigations documents the report, rather than a caseworker whose experience level in sexual abuse indications may be limited.

[Rainbow mom]

Has she spoken with the girls Guardian Ad Lidum (sp)? They have alot of pull in the courtroom.

I have not had that happen so far but we have a foster adopt son right now that is four months old I would be devastated if he where removed from us. Stay near to your sister she'll need a rock to lean on. You're in my prayers.


((((HUGS))))

[rindava]

if your sister has no plans to foster again it is well worth her time to get a lawyer just to say in court that she is willing to adopt the kids (this can of course back fire.)

I fostered kids for 13 months who had been in and out of care and everyone wanted to TPR on b-mom, she was also homeless, but crazy sw sent them back--they now live out of state in foster care and now there is nothing I can do.

She should not set her hopes up that the kids will come back into care. Often as the kids get older it takes more and more to get them placed back in foster care (i.e. a two year old will come in for lack of supervision, but a 7 year old may not)

[kg1]

Can any one tell me when or IF the court ever looks at the BEST interest of the CHILD???

I thought if the child had been in foster care 12 out of 12 months or 15 out of 22 months (and these do not need to be consecutive) that DFS is supposed to move to permanency unless there are compelling reasons.

We are dealing with (fighting with) the courts in Jackson county. (They are really a mess!!!). I know of several foster parents who are in the same sinking ship we are in in this county.

We are trying to keep our baby girl who is almost 2 1/2. We picked her up at the hospital at 2 days old and have had her ever since. (she only sees her bmom once a week on visits). We also have her two older brothers whom we have already adopted. The children were removed from the b-home due to severe physical abuse, no perpatrator was ever named. We went to court for termination on all three, but due to the fact that the DFS lawyer messed up on the baby girl filling DFS thought that they might loose. So literally minutes before entering the court room the attorneys played lets make a deal. The attorneys got bmom to sign over rights on the two brothers in exchange for more time for the little girl. (that was Oct 2002). Then the attorneys said they would re-file the papers on the girl in Jan 2003. The did not despite numerous phone calls reminding them. Finally the end of March we hired an attorney (Big $$$$$'s). After we filed it then DFS filed it. A month later they dropped it since, "the foster family is already paying for it". Now we are fighting it and trying to repair the damage done by the DFS attorneys. See since they convinced the b-mom to sign over rights in the "deal", that is considered "voluntary" termination. So basically at that point the b-mom has a clean slate, none of the abuse done to the brothers can be brought up in court. So now we have a little girl who has never been abused or neglected, and a b-mom who we can use no history on. What grounds do we have for termination now?

On top of all of this the boys know and understand that this is their biological sister and they have been with her in the same home for nearly 2 years. How will it ever make sense that their "baby-sister", who the love, may have to go live with the same mom that literally beat them up. (Hospitalization was required!!! One brother had 2 broken legs, and then some).

Who in this whole mess is looking out for the best interest of the children. DFS put these kids together in our home to be adopted together, only to then they split them apart?? The attorneys for DFS and the guardian both told me after the "deal", to "be happy, we got you 2 out of 3". I don't think I have ever been as angery as I was that day. I told them that they just blew it. The kept saying we will re-file and do it after the 1st of the year (Jan 2003). All because THEY messed up on the filing and didn't want to go into the court room looking like some screw-ups, so they make deals with our children. Now we are paying in excess of $10,000 to fight this and can't even use all of the evidence that was available in Oct because the termination was "voluntary". A forced termination we could have used the history and would have even given us more ground for termination.

If any one out there thinks I am angery and bitter ... you have no idea!!!! On top of this we have the worst judges on the bench that this county has ever had!!! From what I hear, they think DFS is a bunch of screw-ups (I would have to agree!!). So to fix the DFS mistakes they (the judges) just send all of the kids back to the bio homes.

We definately need to get some laws changed, particulary the one about "voluntary" termination. How is it voluntary and not cohersed (?spelling) when the lawyers are cutting deals??? Also, why isn't the state of Mo required to follow the federal mandate to go to permanacy on the 12 of 12 or 15 of 22 rules? What happened to the whole safe-families act?? But most of all when will DFS, the attorneys, and/or the courts really start looking at what is in the best interest of the children??? We foster parents all know about attachments and bonds, both between siblings and the only real parents these kids have had. When a child has grown up for nearly 3 years in the same home with their siblings how is it a good idea to put them back with an abuser???

We go next week, on the 18th, for the pretrial hearing.. and can certainly use all the prayers we can get!!! If any one has any other ideas of how to fight this please let me know. Sadly ours in not the only case like this, we know of several other foster families in this same county fighting the same battles... and we all seem to be loosing.

Thanks for listening,
Kathy

[kg1]

Ooops.. some how I moved into a different states posting. Not sure exactly how I jumped from Missouri to Texas (time travel??). But that last posting is mine and from MO. This just proves yet another sad fact, all family service's are created equal. It seems none of them look out for the best interest of the child!!!

Kathy

[Rainbow mom]

MEDIA! Go to the media KG1! That is very unacceptable! The public would out cry on your behalf and maybe shame the family into backing off!

Your poor kids they must be horrifed! I know I am. Do you have an address we could write too? How about the gaurdian Ad lidem (sp)?

I am so sorry that you have to defend your child from this person just because of the system! ((((HUGS)))) I will pray for you and your family.

[MAMoore]

Hi Rainbow Mom,

Is the guardian ad litem the child advocate? My sister and I havent heard that term...

thanks for your help!

[Rainbow mom]

Yes, of that is the child's advocate. Especially in cases of abuse or paperwork nightmare's I would make sure the child's advocate know's what is going on since they represent what is in the child's best interest (make them accountable for the child). That is the only person who represent's the CHILD's interest! Ask the caseworker for the advocates name and number.

[kg1]

Thanks for the Hugs Rainbow...

We talk to the Guardian almost weekly, although she was in on the " deal" that was made in Oct that got us into this big mess. Actually there is alot more.

There is also a one year old brother and another baby due any week now to top off the three I already have. (Get this b-mom didn't "know" she was preg until March.. I told family services in Dec that she was.. but who ever listens to the dumb foster mom....) The one year old is in another foster home, and the court is allowing b-mom to have unsupervised visits with that baby. The state is not even sure if they will pick up the new baby when it is born. All of the kids have the same dad, who finally got arrested, he was wanted for attempted murder (shooting someone) and on the run for over a year. Yes b-mom got preg while he was on the run, and they did nothing to her for helping him on the run. He is waiting trial now. Prior to this he was on probabtion for armed robbery. B-mom is on probabtion for assulting a police officer. These people have a 4, 3, 2, 1, year old and another soon to be born, and the bio-mom is only 20, b-dad is 23. Neither of them can read or write. They have no car, and I personally know of three different times that family services paid their back utilities so they could get their power turned back on. (Gotta love those tax dollars at work!!! Esp when the state turns around and cuts services for foster kids!!!)

As for talking to the media. Family services here is very strict on the law reguarding confidentiallity. We sign a statement that tells us the "rules and punishments". Basically we can (and will be) (1) fined up to $1000, (2) can spend up to a year in jail (both of which I would do in a heart beat to keep our baby), but #3 get me... (3) take our foster license and we loose all of our foster kids. For us it would be only one foster child... the one we are fighting for. And yes it has happened, they have shut down foster homes for talking to the media.. I don't think any one has ever actually had jail time, but loosing your license and your kids is real.

All we can do is keep fighting and praying. It seems stupid that they would send a child to that kind of home. We thought about sending b-mom a vacation package.. one way trip of course... maybe China or Iraq but... (I still say it would be cheaper than the attorney fees). By the time she got back we would have won the case based on abandonment (?spelling). Not sure if that would be legal though, then we would just have to fight an appeal...

I've decided that the foster care system does not have cracks.. it has hugh craters. Once we get through our case and hopefully have our baby adopted, we will be all over the media and capitol to get things changed. We are done with the foster care system other than to advocate for the other foster kids. I'd gladly pay the $1000 fine to keep another family from going through this!!! And they wouldn't dare send the mother of 7 to jail... (6 adopted from the "system") but maybe they would... then I could make national news. Now there's a thought.. and the sleep I could catch up on too... (Yes even my sense of humor is suffering.. I am sure it is lack of sleep). I stay up half of the very short night I already have researching the laws and statues trying to find what we need to win. (I have kids who won't settle down to sleep at night and other ones who pop up before dawn, and one who likes to wander through-out the night... at least now I am up to catch him..)

Well thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. I just keep hoping for the magic answer that will solve everything.
Kathy

[henderfive]

What ever happened with this case?