[tron1]

I'm doing research on why mothers give up their child for adoption as I'm going to write a book for adoptees giving them an insight to reasons why their birth mothers do this. There are so many reasons for this other than the reasons my wife did and so many different circumstances.

Any information given will be treated respectfully and all names or nicknames will be treated confidentually and not used in the book, thanks in advance.

tron1

[blankenb4]

I am a birthmother who placed her daughter 34 years ago. I did so because I was 18 and the bdad was 17 at the time. We were still both in high school. I had no proposal of marriage, and no job. I wanted my daughter to have the opportunities in life that I was not able to give her at the time. Also, back in the 70's single parenting was taboo and I did not want her to grow up with that stigma.

Barbara

[GinnyBinny]

I placed my bson in an open adoption 3 years ago. When I became pregnant I was a sohmore in highschool, had no job, and was struggeling in school. I wanted my bson to have two parents that were happily married and I wanted him to have parents that could afford to take good care of him, and have time to go on vacations and spend quality time together. I love my bson so much and I wished I could give him all that, but I couldnt. I knew that if my boyfriend and I parented him that we would be spending most of our time in school and work and never have quality time for our baby, and we would just be getting by paying for everything if getting by. I wanted to parent him so much. I still wish I could parent him, but I knew then and know now that the adoption is best for him. I didnt come to this decision easily. In the begining I repeatedly told everyone "no I can't do an adoption. I just can't". My family and some friends would talk to me about how I was still in school and how much it cost to take care of a child and I would say "I don't care how hard it is. we can do it. We have to. I can't say good bye to my baby" I would sit at my desk at night and cry while working out the math.. how much it would cost to pay for everything a baby needed.. how many hours I would need to work.. when I could go to classes..how much time I would have left to spend with the baby...how much child care would cost...On paper it looked impossible.. but I didnt care I couldnt accept any other way. It wasnt until I was about 5 months pregnant and had found out about open adoption and had picked and met his parents that I started to really think that I could go through with the adoption. After getting to know the parents I knew they were perfect. I could imagine how great my baby's life would be with them. How much more they could offer him. After getting to know them I said there is no turning back no matter how much it hurts. I knew that they would be wonderful parents for my bson and I couldnt change my mind and break their hearts. When I think back I wonder if I had not found out about open adoption would I have gone through with a closed adoption? I don't think I would of been able to. I needed to know that I was placing him in a better place. The only way I get through the pain right now is knowing (not just thinking) that he is happy and doing well. I am so blessed I don't just hear about how well he is doing but I get to see how well he is. I say this so many times but its soo true. His smiles mean the world to me.