[cyd]

My reunion with my bson went very sour June 2008. I sent him birthday wishes via SMS, but no response.
His birthday is coming up on 3rd August... What should I do. Our last messages in June 2008 to each other were NEVER contact me again, with accusations on his part that I was mental and needed psychiatric help - he has kept to that and I have only sent birthday wishes since. This year I have not contacted him in any way whatsoever?

[Jillalan]

I don't know what led up to the break down of your reunion with your first son, however, a card and maybe a 'can we try again'? An apology? It depends on the circumstances I guess - as I said, no idea what went on.

I wouldn't ignore his birthday just because that's the way I am. You asking if you should send one, makes me think you want to. Perhaps he's softened a little by now, or thought it over - a letter enclosed with the card wouldn't go amiss - it can't be any worse than it is now right? Worth the try (IMHO)

[jp4ga]

If I were you I would at send a card. He may still be upset and not want to talk to you but I think in the years to come when he is ready to open up again he will know that you are still open to the possibility. Whereas if you don't try to make contact again he could think you have just given up on ever trying again.

[JustPeachy]

I feel inclined to say send the card, but since I don't know the details about what lead to his wanting to go "no contact" it's hard to say.

I'm trying to put myself in his shoes for a minute....and I guess if I felt my birth mother was inappropriate, or somehow crossed my personal boundaries (not saying you did these things, but just trying to think of a hypothetical situation here), and I said NEVER contact me, a card might not be welcomed and might feel like you were disrespecting my boundaries again. OTOH, I can agree with what the others are saying, in that, the card would at least let him know you were still open in the event that he has a change of heart.

I suppose if I sent it, I would keep to a very brief and low-key message, sort of a "thinking of you and wishing you well" wording.

Not sure this helps, but good luck with whatever you decide.

[cyd]

I think there was a lot of misunderstanding and hurt when the reunion went sour!!! He and I both OVER REACTED to him not telling me that they had had another baby until 3 days later!!! The situation is he lives in the UK and I live in South Africa.. So have had very little comms other than SMS's/emails. We have had 2 f2f's 1st Feb 2004 & 2nd April 2006. He came to SA for 1st and I went to UK for 2nd, met all his afam. and wife & his 2 kids. Now there are 3 & I suspect a 4th baby in May (impossible to confirm).
I am all for mending bridges and forgiving and would like to send a short message for his birthday. But am afraid that he is not - also because I reacted to "Never contact me again" with "then don't contact me again either" and he has not contacted me (but I have him) I feel I could just be making a complete idiot of myself, and his reaction would be "I said No Contact, are you still mental"
As his birthday is coming up soon, I am feeling a bit stressed, but thoughts & scenarios keep buzzing around in my head!

[Xdad]

I would send it. I had been estranged from my mother for a long time, she kept sending letters, birthday cards, birthday checks (that I endorsed and sent to my brother who was hurting), xmas packages etc...
Each card I read, each package I opened...It took my 6 years to decide to mend the bridge. So, for all that, I knew she still loved me, and wanted to make things right. It may be a long road, but worth it.

[cyd]

I have set up a tentative email to send to bson for his birthday? Just wishes and saying I am open to any contact...and sorry for any hurt.. Very short message with no expectations. At least that is what I think I have written, I suppose it is open to his interpretation (this is where we started our problems - reading stuff into emails that was never there) and the merry-go-round continues, cause now I feel maybe he really meant what he said and I am just being pushy annd should not send it? Oh how this complicated web of reunion is woven?

[quantum]

I would consider sending an actual letter instead of email. Who knows if he's blocked your email address, you'll never know if it actually gets there.

[cyd]

Never thought of that - Unfortunately at the moment I am in the DRC (Congo) so no normal mail.

If he has blocked my email, will I get a notification? If I get a notiification, then at least I will have an idea that he does still does not want comms from me?

I do have his Facebook address and could attempt a message there if he has blocked me? But the question is should I do that?

[quantum]

You won't necessarily get a notification that he's blocked your email.
You could probably send a facebook message, I'm not sure.

[Birthmom12_10_2008]

I would give it a shot. And like someone else said, keep it short and sweet. Just a Hi, How are you. Thinking of you on your Birthday. Love you kind of thing.