[quantum]

Hiya everyone,

My son had his graduation ceremony on Sunday and it brought back memories of something that happened a couple of years ago, and frankly, it's just weird.

The thing is, the only reason why I know he had his graduation is because his stepmom sent me a note as well as reading his Facebook updates.
A couple of years ago, we met face to face the first time, he kept saying 'well we have to meet after such and such a date' I found out afterwards that he'd had another graduation ceremony then.

Why doesn't he want to share it with me?It's something he should be (and is I think) proud of.
I've never felt like I would have any sort of 'right' to go to a ceremony or anything. It feels like this is his thing, that his afamily has helped him through (with money and encouragement and study habits and so on).

But why is it soemthing that he won't talk about?

Then someone else had brought up the idea of gifts. Well, in my case, I just haven't sent him anything for graduation. A bit because it is so close to his birthday and I'd given him a quilt for that, so kind of a big deal (at least from my end). I also know that he gets really spoiled by all of his other parents, so I just feel like anything else I could give him would just get lost in the pile.
I'm not asking for suggestions for my sake, just wondering how others deal with it.

discuss if you wish...

[-maggie]

Hi Q!

So sorry to hear this happened. It made me think back to my daughter’s graduation. The time leading up to it she did pull back and avoided the subject. We both knew it was approaching; however she never would mention it. The week of the graduation I finally asked her about it in general and she finally told me that she was afraid to invite me because she didn’t think I’d want to go. I am not sure why she thought such a thing! I am just glad we worked through it and I was able to see her graduate and be there for her.

I don’t know about your son. Maybe with the distance he didn’t think you would be able to be there. I only had about 8 hours to drive…. I just don’t know, but I completely understand how hurt you are.

[quantum]

Thanks Maggie.
:-)

[RavenSong]

Quantum, I agree with Maggie. My initial thought when reading your post was that your son was afraid of offending you by not inviting you to his graduation. So he may have just avoided the whole thing by not telling you that he was graduating.

Don't worry about not sending him a graduation gift. If he didn't tell you about his graduation, why should you be expected to send him a gift?

[paigeturner]

Q (I love that!)

I agree with Raven. I also want to add that sending him a gift now, could trigger guilt feelings in him. Why add that to the mix? Ugg. Guilt in a relationship is awful IMO. I would just ask him later if there was a reason he didn't let you know about it. I'd be interested in what he says!

Hang in there!

[Janeytwo]

Hey Quantum!

Just adding my supportive voice to the mix and to everyone else's excellent advice! :-)