[kbj11]

EVERY YEAR ON MY BIRTHDAY I DONT EVEN WANT TO GET OUT OF BED I MEAN HOW CAN I POSSIBLY BE HAPPY ON A DAY THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEN PAINFULL TO SOMEBODY I LOVE. I DONT EVEN KNOW MY B-MOM BUT THE THOUGHT OF HER GOING THROUGH SOMETHIG LIKE THAT HERTS ME AND THE THOUGHT OF HER NOT BEING SAD OR UPSET BOTHERS ME EVEN MORE.

SO................TO ALL YOU B-MOMS OUT THERE JUST REMEMBER
THEY ARE PROBBILY THINKING AND MISSING YOU TO..............
I KNOW I AM!!!!! I LOVE YOU MOM WHERE ARE YOU?
5/12/79

[emergence]

Kbj

You can be sure that your birth mom thinks about you on your birthday. I'll bet she does not focus on the pain of birth she more than likely puts all her thoughts into - are you well and happy. So for your birth mom's sake will you try to enjoy your next birthday. Do something fun with someone you care about and think happy thoughts about your bmom.

I have found my daughter, after talking I found out that she thought about me just as much as I thought about her on her birthday.

[Sharon]

If it's any consolation, I think about my birthson every day; but the intensity of my thoughts and my sadness are no greater on his birthday than on any other day.
There's a good chance that your birthmother does not focus a lot of energy on mourning her loss on your birthday; some birthmothers do... many do not. If she makes any particular note of your birthday, it may be, as Emergence suggested, that she merely wonders about you and wishes you well. Or it may be that your birthday has no special significance for her as such... my entire adult life has been focused on my birthson to the point that it would simply be redundant to set a special day aside each year to grieve. It's just another day without B___, like every other day of my life. If anything, maybe I feel a little happier on his birthdays; he's one year older, and one year closer to the day when I can see him again.
Please enjoy your birthdays... every day has a special, sad significance to someone, if you really think about it. That's no reason for you not to be happy on your birthdays. If your birthmom was here, I think she'd tell you the same thing. She didn't relinquish you so you could be sad. She did it so you could be happy.

~ Sharon

[citymom]

They do!
I have been in reunion with my b-family for 12 years now. I remember meeting my younger half-sister for the first time and she said that now she understands why our mother would have a really hard time around halloween. My sister said that our mother would mope for about a week and wouldn't get into the holiday for her and my younger half-brother. She said our mother would be very depressed that time of year and she could never figure out why. My birthday is October 27th.

[kbj11]

JUST WANTED TO SAY THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I WRITE SO MANY THREADS WITH MY BIRTHDAY AND MY HOPES OF FINDING MY MOTHER WITH NO ANSWERES ITS GOOD TO HEAR FROM SOMEBODY. SO THANKS AGAIN

[huntersmom03]

You can be sure that your birthmom thinks of you everyday, expecially on your birthday. I think of my birthson all the time. On his birthday every year I go to the zoo. I take the day to remember his birth and how much love I felt when he was born. I wonder how he is celebrating his birthday and try to imagine him blowing out the candles on his cake.

[Rowan]

Hi

When I think of my birthson on his birthday (I never forget). I imagine him celebrating and having a good time with his family and friends.

I send silent happy birthday wishes to him and tell him that I wish him lots of love and health and happiness.

R

[Dragonfly82]

I agree with what all the others have said. I am well aware of what day it is and usually am thinking about it long before his birthday rolls around.

Every year on his birthday, my mom will call and simply say, 'Are you okay?' My reply is usually, 'He's XX years old today' She usually replies, 'Unbelieveable, isn't it?' or something along these lines.

I too wonder where he is and how he is celebrating his birthday. I often wonder if he ever thinks of me on his birthday also. It's a day of bittersweet celebration. Celebration of his life and hoping he is happy. Bittersweet as I cannot share this day with him.

Enjoy your birthdays . . . it is most likely all your birth mother would probably want you to do . . . celebrate you!

[shirleyville]

I am an adoptee and I have always thought about my birthmother on my birthday. After we got a computer and the internet came about, I used to have a ritual of spending the night of my birthday -- after everyone else went to bed -- to search all the internet databases....updating my information, and hoping against all hope that I would find someone there, looking for me.
Unfortunately, that wasn't ever the case....
On my birthday, in 2002, I stumbled across a site that outlined the Confidential Intermediary Program from my state, and I applied that very night. I knew it was going to "cost me" so to speak, but I thought that at age 38, it was about time -- and more than likely the best birthday gift I could give myself.
My intermediary located my birthmom in January of 2003.....and the reason I never discovered her on any of the internet search sites was because she didn't want to be found. Unfortunately, she wasn't interested in any form of contact. As hard as it is to believe, she is one of the birthmoms out there who didn't think about me on my birthday.....she didn't spend time searching or wondering what became of me. She didn't even ask how I was when my CI made contact with her....and she refused to share even the most simple of medical information. All she wanted was to have the papers sent from the state barring me from opening the records again -- which happened within 48 hours of my CI's contact.
Along the way, I did find out when HER birthday is.....she turned 60 in May, and I planted a rose bush for her in my garden. I think that will become a new ritual for me in the years to come.
I wish you all the best in your search....keep your expectations on a reasonable level....always make your focus learning and personal growth, and you can never fail, because no matter what you find at the end of your search, you will surely learn and grow from the experience!
Hugs,
Sally

[tracieinalaska]

I loved thinking of my daughter on her birthday because it was the one day of the year that I had an idea what she was doing...most likely opening presents, eating cake etc. It gave me something to imagine. Most of her birthdays, I would write to her in a journal I have been keeping for her and tell her I was thinking of her. Also, my mom would usually send me flowers on her birthday to let me know that she remembered and was thinking of her first grandchild also. When I finally met my daughter a little over a year ago, I made her a scrapbook and put copies of the cards that came with the flowers on her birthdays in the scrapbook so she would know that we all thought of her on her birthday.

[Honeybear0824]

I think that your thought about your b-mom and your birthday is no diffrent than any other adoptees on thire birthday. I feel just like you on my birthday, wondering if my b-mom is thinking about me. But I also think about it on an everyday basise wondering if my birth mom thinks about me on a day to day basis. my b-mom was so young only 12, that I can't help but think that I was the biggist mistake she ever made.

[jez]

Some of the replies here confirm why I will never try to find my birthmother. I wonder, every b-day if she thinks of me. My b-mom was a junkie, and I hate her for that, but some part of you never gives up on wanting that love. Knowing she didn't care enough to stop using while pg makes me doubt she cares enough to even remember what day she squatted and squished me out. I hate her, while I still want her to love me.
~Jez

[shirleyville]

Jez,
I know how hard it must be to understand why your birthmom continued to abuse drug while carrying you -- there are a lot of us who find it hard to swallow when we hear stories of that nature......but "hate" is such a strong word.
I have several people in my life that live with addictions, and believe me when I tell you that no one could "hate" them any more than they "hate" themselves. There is a young man who works here, at our home, with my husband in his side business. He is one of the most handsome kids around....comes from a fabulous Christian home with wonderful parents...his personality is amazing, and he could sell ice to an Alaskan by flashing just one smile. He's always spotless....nicely dressed....looking just like he came out of church on Sunday -- and no one under the sun would know that he is so deeply addicted to drugs that he sometimes takes over FORTY painkillers a DAY , and has for many years. He's been to rehab after rehab after rehab, but every time he comes out, he goes right back to the drugs. It's so hard to understand unless you have been involved with it, but sometimes people just can't stop. Many times, it comes from some deep desire to self-destruct. I know this kid can't stand himself. He feels worthless -- and no amount of outside "aide" can make him see himself in a better light. It has to come from within......
I certainly don't know your birthmother's circumstances at the time, but she might have been very young and in a place, emotionally, where she just wasn't able to help herself. I am not offering an excuse....but simply some insight and some compassion.
She may have done some truly destructive and irresponsible things years ago, but there is always a chance that she has turned her life around. Perhaps the very fact that she was able to choose life for you, even at a time when she didn't find her own life worth much, says more than anything else.
I wish you peace and luck in your journey.
Hugs,
Sally

[little j]

you know its nice to know that a child thinks of their birth mother , on their birthday bacause each and every single birthday that goes bye i wonder about my birth son his birthdays are really hard for me.. but i know each one that goes bye i know its one for year closer to spending his birthday with him.... yes we think of our birthchildren every day weither its alot or just the thought............ but you know we think of you just as much as you think or wonder about us..........so on your birthday be happy because your birthmother would want you to be, and she is singing happy birthday to you as well..............

[shirleyville]

Little J,
I think that's such a beautiful sentiment....and it would be lovely if it were true for all of us, but realistically, it's just not the case.
Hugs,
Sally