[rrj221]

I have two children a boy 16 and a girl 16. They have never been told they were adopted. Their birth mother has been invoilved in their lives as their sister. She is my step-daughter and her mother passed away four years ago. Should I tell them they are adopted if so how? If possible point me to resources to help me with this.

[kretzklan]

I believe that the short answer is YES. You should tell them...telling them now will be tough at these ages, it seems there has been a lot of untruths told to get them to this point. I don't know of any major resources, but I am sure you can find some by searching online. Good luck.

[EZ2Luv]

I agree with the PP you simply MUST tell them. I am an adoptee and I can tell you first hand what it feels like to have been with held truths. I knew I was adopted just never knew my bmom was my amom's sister until I was in my 40s. I felt like the whole world played a joke on me despite having the best aparents in the world.
I suggest having a serious heart to heart ASAP. Perhaps you can tell them that you would like to enter the new year with them knowing the truth. I think you will be fine if you do it sooner rather than waiting any longer. Kids are alot more intuitive than you think and it is quite possible they might already suspect something.
Trust me, adoption can be a wonderful beautiful way to create a family, it is when lies enter the picture that it becomes dirty, taboo and shameful.
I think 16 years old is the time when kids are at the threshold of adult hood and you should wait any longer. It seems the longer these secrets go one the harder it will be for you to tell them and the more diffictult it will be for them to understand.
I cannot predict how these kids will react, but I believe if you lovingly reassure them that you held out on telling them because you didn't want to hurt or confuse them would be your best bet.

Also, I suggest you read the forums about adoptees that found out later in life and how damaging it was you will see the importance of telling them.
As far as resourses go, this is the best place that I know of to gain knowlegde. Sadly, there is no manual that comes along with adoption and how to go about these things. Just continue reading here and sharing and the right words and approach will come to you.

EZ