[Roon63]

I have adopted 2x for a total of 4 kids...have a great friend adopted 2x total of 2 kids...all in the foster system here. We are close, but don't talk much about the adoption issues...weird huh?

But here is the twist, another mutual friend that we are more like peers due to our "older" age. She is adopting 2 kids also from foster, same SW as us both, and same state system.

Her husband has asked us both to not give advice to his wife or him. That they will just figure the whole system out on their own. She has called us in the past trying to figure out something, and we give the info.

They have asked us to go to the candlelight, for the children (we have not met them yet), and we invited them all over to our house this Sunday. (This invitation was done prior to the request to BAck OFF)

So, now, I got my hackles up, and pride rubbed the wrong way, and am trying to figure out the best way to handle this? The kids will be here Sunday with them, and conversation not to talk about it, is hard. Sorta like a big elephant in the room, but don't discuss it?
Any help appreciated.

[aMarylandfamily]

I cannot imagine not wanting to "talk" about anything and everything related to adoption, placement, transition stuff as well as "hey they did this - do you think I should react?" ... I couldn't live without those here on this board as well as two others (one who has adopted and one who has not) to bounce off of!

Best wishes... (yes I know - that is not advice )

[Linny]

Personally, I think that any couple who would not want to educate themselves on anything and everything before bringing home older children (and I mean any kid older than 18 months), is not only doing themselves a huge disservice, but an enormous disservice to the children they are adopting as well.
Adopting an older child is not the same as an infant adoption. It very, very often requires a different type of parenting---sometimes doing this temporarily, sometimes parenting like this forever. There are just too many variables in adopting an older child; and it requires a parent who is well versed and ready to accept the best AND worst of scenarios.
Of our seven......four have been infants, three were older (ages 6, 7, and 3yrs). All three were not adopted together. After years of parenting, one is going to age out in residential, and the other two have become disrupted, without our being charged with neglect or abandonment. We thought we were VERY prepared. We were wrong.

I can't blame you at all for being upset that these people aren't willing to put themselves AND their future children in the best light possible. I think you're being very nice to attend this event, regardless of their attitude; and I guess you could continue the friendship in letting them know that 'Well, we'll be here if/when you need us.'

My best to you in your efforts.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Leigh131313]

Geez Roon,

When i first read the title I thought..well, then why post a thread?? lol

Wow, sounds like they are going through some pretty big denial. Hopefully you can be the bigger person and help them out when they fall......and with that attitude it's almost a certainty.


Leigh