[Roon63]

Is there something about adoption that either surprised you, and now that you are done with the process, you could share with others.

I was amazed at how mamma bear I was. I became almost obsessive on holding him, and being near him. I thought it would be a long getting to know you process. But the biggest surprise was my husbands immediate jump into the father role. He continues to astound me!

[redbonec]

I hope people will post their answers. I often wonder what it will be like for us after the adoption!

[Tudu]

I was surprised at my connection to our DD Mother. The need I had to keep her in our life and how much I feel for her.

[DominicsGirl]

I think what surprised me most was about parenting a newborn rather than the adoption itself. Our process happened very, very quickly like so many others. We were called on a Saturday night about a baby who had already been born and drove to New Jersey on Monday to meet him. Basically, I had no "prep" time to think about being a mother and it took me a couple months to get used to the idea after he was home. That was suprising, I suppose, because I guess I thought a switch would just be flipped and I would be a Mom.

For example, at the baby shower my friend's held for me at the beginning of January, I had placed Grayson down in a Pack N Play to sleep. As I'm talking to my friends, I hear a baby cry. It didn't register at all with me that it was mine!! My friend had to come over and say, "Isn't that Grayson?" I was so embarassed!!

One other thing that surprised me...the isolation. I felt very isolated from everyone. My DH works a lot of hours and even though he was home half the time with me for six weeks, it's all a blur now because of the sleep deprivation. Now I feel much better and am loving every minute of it!!

[Howdy]

My surprise was that I didn't automatically change into my mother and start cooking food. Luckily my first placement only liked hotdogs and mac-n-cheese, both of which she could make herself. It has taken me a couple years to be able just to make a fruit salad. In the past few months I've started being able to turn on the oven and put in some frozen fish fillets and tater tots. I keep buying flour but never use it.

One time when I was floundering in the kitchen with no ideas for food I sighed that it was much simpler in the old days when I could just eat dry oatmeal out of the box. My daughter said that would be okay with her for supper! I guess I am a bad influence! But this winter I've really started to be able to make meals (ones that don't require measuring or mixing ingredients).

[Roon63]

Howdy! You made me laugh, cause I did turn into my mother, and that made me mad! ha ha...I heard myself say things (we had older adoptions) to my kidlets that were the exact words my mom would say, and I would gasp!

Another thing, I had gotten in the habit of chocolate snackie in the afternoon....I didn't want to share...lol, but my 4 year old son would sniff and say, did you eat chocolate...darn it!

[Nevada Jen]

The first thing that suprised me was that my bi-racial baby did not look even slightly AA. I knew he would be born lighter than his final color but I still expected him to be darker than me (CC and today I am Irish )and have a full head of curly hair. I actually asked the agency director if she was sure he was part AA.

The next thing that suprised me was how much I felt his tie to his birthmother and wanted to be able to provide him with that link. The adoption was closed by his birthmother's choice and I thought that is what I wanted also but I ended up sad and somewhat troubled that I could not provide my son with more of a history.

Good thread!

Jen

[Shai's Mom]

I think one of the many things that surprised me is the deep love and attachement that I have with my children. They are my sunshine and my joy.

Every day seems like a new adventure. What a ride!

[AMom2Two]

What suprised me the most was the strong feeling of wanting to keep their bfamilies in their life.

This feeling didn't fully developed until my first child, my dd, was 18 months old.

[Shai's Mom]

AMom, that's interesting.

The adoption for both my sons is closed and I am very grateful for that, due to the background of the birth-parents. I would not feel safe if they knew who we were and where the children are.

When my boys are 18 they will be able to request their file to be opened (if the birth family agrees). I'm perfectly fine with that, and will 100% back them up with whatever decision they will make.

Until then I hope that I will be a good enough mother that the adoption issue will not be a bigger trauma than it needs to be. I hope that statement makes sense, I can't seem to find a different wording.

[timni]

The biggest suprise for me was how much she felt like "mine" instantly. I had read a lot about taking time for the bonding and attachment process. BUT not for me. I actually had to be very careful that in the hospital I didn't refer to dd as mine. And how much I fell in love with the entire bfamily. It shocked me a little.

[brandydawn]

We did international adoption, there isn't any involvement with the birthmom. I was surprised by my feelings about this when our daughter came home.

I was disappointed I couldn't give her updates or pictures. I was saddened that I couldn't tell this woman that her beautiful daughter was healthy and happy.

On her first birthday I thought about how she must be thinking of her daughter, wondering what she looks like and how she is doing. I contacted my agency to see if there was anyway to get in touch with her....I was advised they couldn't.

Regards,
Brandy

[AMom2Two]

Originally Posted by timni

The biggest suprise for me was how much she felt like "mine" instantly. It shocked me a little.

Oh, I can relate to that one! I was shocked by that feeling also. It was twice as strong when I adopted my second child, my ds.

((hugs))

[mrsfig]

DH and I just finalized the adoption of our 4yr old dd and 6 yr old ds after having them for 9 months. We are still attaching to each other and every day gets a little better. We have waited 6 yrs to become parents yet we are still grieving our infertility and not being "just the 2 of us" anymore.

Some days it is Dh feeling blue and sometimes it is me. I think we both had our fantasy of parenthood which has been crushed with the reality of this responsibility. Overall, our kids are great, my only job is as a mom and my dreams have been fulfilled so why am I not happier?

It's a week today since we became a forever family but it doesn't feel real yet. I wonder how long it will take to be "in love" with our kids?

[kelceesmom]

Marie, hang in there. I think that sometimes when they are older and the personalities are somewhat started you don't get those firsts. If that makes sense. My ah ha was wow we actually did this and it is forever and our lives are changed forever and it's not a dream! We are very happy. The first 6-8 months were torture for us. Colic, acid reflux, just to name a few. Now that she is 1 things are settling in. She still doesn't sleep through the night but my husband and I joke that she is a girl and she wakes up because she might miss something.