[Hope4myson]

If I had to do it all again I would wait until the parents rights are terminated and all appeals DONE before taking placement of a child. And if this state doesn't terminate until after an adoptive home is located then I should've looked to other states that do. The stress of long drawn out trials and the heartache of losing a child to just too much to risk.

[mj77]

Oh Gosh, I can understand to an extent. Our son is still with us. I know states/counties do their adoption plans differently. I couldn't do foster to adopt again. Here they have legal risk placement when the state is in the process of TPR when it is a most definate chance of going through.

Our youngest son's case has been sooo much heartache and pain. Nothing like our oldest son's case (he was legal free). I am thankful our son will be remaining with us, but we are still awaiting bdad's TPR trial. Uhgg!

[Linny]

I can fully relate to the waiting until TPR have occurred. We're one family that doesn't want to do the 'matching game'. We did bring one of our younger daughters home from the hospital and had to wait until the 72hr time before papers were officially signed. (Not sure I'd want to do that again...)
But, as for some states that have much longer waiting periods....there's no way we could have waited that out. We'd prefer to already have the baby born and birthparents have fully decided what they wish to do.
I'm with you....the heartbreak of losing any child is too great; as is the anguish of waiting for very long periods to pass!

Sincerely,

Linny

[jheald]

Sign me up for this one too! We actually did make this change after our first fail. Too hard to care for a child for days and then lose them.

Janet

[shylagirl]

During our dd adoption process I had wonder if we should have done the same. Because our dd bdad was contesting her adoption. But almost 2 years later when the judge sided with us I'm thankful we didn't miss out on anything our little angel did. But I often think would I still feel the same if we lost her. At times i thought why are we putting our selves thru this. But I'm glad we did what we did now. But we honestly haven't gotten the nerve to try to adopt again!

[Jessiedo]

Happened across this thread...

Speaking as a birthmother who relinquished in 1985, I knew that I was firm on my decision. I did NOT want my birthdaughter to be placed in foster care for 25 days, yet by law, it had to be. Of course, that was to protect myself and the adoptive parents had I changed my mind. I wanted her to go straight from the hospital to her awaiting family. (this was a closed adoption and I was asked my preferences, but had no part in choosing the adoptive family..I trusted the agency)

In my eyes, this always seemed like the best way....a neutral party caring for the child...which would eliminate pressure on the birthmother to carry out the "plan" which the adoptive parents were a part of / eliminate the pressure of not hurting the adoptive parents and also to eliminate becoming SO attached to your birthchild that you make a hasty decision (the opposite of the one you had been planning for months) a decision based on emotions and not reality. Had I left the hospital w/ my birthdaughter I would have never been strong enough to let her go. I had to pray and find strength to walk out of the hospital w/out her.

Twenty years later, I found out that the important info I was told about my birthdaughter's family was true. I found out that the most important decision in my life had indeed been the right one...and I found out that God really does answer prayers.....

[Lynard1210]

shylagirl,

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind elaborating as to why the bdad lost his rights? I am involved in a situation (not personally but indirectly) with a birthfather who is trying to protect his rights (baby not born). He plans on filing a paternity case. Was wondering if you could give me some insight?
Thanks,

[ChristieS]

Originally Posted by Linny

I'm with you....the heartbreak of losing any child is too great; as is the anguish of waiting for very long periods to pass!

I agree Linny. We are four years into it and I will never be the same. "Anguish" is the right word here. It is so unfair to put aparents through this.