[lilifelover]

Thanks for clearin that up...I hope that will change as welll, if only for K's sake.

[dad]

wow what a change to this website, found it very confusing to find my way around but I think I have managed now.

Back to reality...

I have recieved my first letter actually written by my daughter. what a shock it was I can tell you.

I could say you've got no idea how I felt when I got it, but some of you will have experienced this and know what I am talking about.

I am in shock, I found it hard to write a letter to someone else who was to read to my my daughter and I've said before (i think) that I found it hard to write a letter to someone else to my daughter and would it not be easier to write to her?

Now that I can write direct to her and she can understand me and what I say - now I am lost for words as to what to say
crikey there is no helping me really is there.

So I am going to try and do a letter to her soon, does anyone have any tips as to what to say?

thanks for all help

Paul (aka alisha's dad)

[dad]

Originally Posted by monmon

Wow Dad, when I first read your post, I could swear you were talking of our adopted dd, but from her birth mother's perspective.

Unfortunatly, her mother has NEVER made any indications that she wanted contact again or letters, pictures, etc. (even though it is no access). She was charged for fail to protect and convicted of it. It is nice to hear that others in similar positions as her are actually intent on letting their children know it was NOT THEIR CHILD'S FAULT they were abused and are still loved. Our dd always was made to beleive it was her fault. She still tells me that *** hit her because she was bad. Many years of councilling is ahead of her, but for her to hear from you that this is not the case and she is loved is very important. Our dd too was removed at 2.5 and is now 5.

I pray your daughter finds peace in herself to know it was not her fault. Keep up the letters, as this will make the world of difference for her.

Thank you so much for what you said.
Sorry I cannot say online how I feel.

[manni28]

Dad:

To be honest I would, as a parent, find it hard to beleive that you knew nothing about the injuires your bdaughter suffered at the hands of her bmom. I also, find it difficult to see how your daghter was in foster care for 2 1/2 years and she was adopted out?

I'm sorry, but everyone here is saying how much a child needs to hear their parents love them but it's hard to feel that when your bones are broken and your skull factured.

[dad]

But it is true, I am ashamed that I did not know either, thanks for not believing me.
As I worked away a lot I did not see everything and believed everything she said.

Why do you find it difficult to see how she was in foster care for 2 1/2 years the court case took that long, untill the end I visited weekly at the social services, then the court decided to have her adopted.
What's wrong with that? This is how they operate here in the UK.

[manni28]

Not to start BUT, why didn't you try to gain custody? I mean two years is a very, veery long time for a parent to try and get the child back, I also think two years is too long for a child to stay in foster care- I'm very curious, what will you tell your bchild when she ask "why?"

[Opting4Adopting]

Hi all,
It's been a while since I posted here but I have been reading posts.

After 6 years it hit me last night that I've not had a fathers day card from Alisha.

I get a christmas card in about feb/march but never had a fathers day card.

Is this what adopted children are told not to do? alright she is only 6.5 and can't exactly go to the shops and buy one to post, but is it not the resonsibilty of the new adopted mother to do this.

Or is this a taboo subject that adopted children cannot do?

Or am I to be punished for something I did not do for the rest of my life.

It's been awhile since you first posted this, but I just ran across this and felt like commenting.

For us, Father's Day is for our DS' Daddy...the man that has gotten up with him at all hours of the night, the man that changes his poopy diapers, gives him a bath, holds his hand while walking outside and helps him build tents out of the diningroom table...this man did not pass onto him his genes, but passes on his knowledge, love, guidance and time to our DS daily.

We acknowledge our DS' birthfather on the day before Father's Day, just as we acknowledge his birthmother on the day before Mother's Day.

I'm surprised that you are amazed that you have not gotten a Father's Day card from your birthdaughter after it took you years to even make contact with her and hopefully apologized for your part in her painful early life. Perhaps some day, when she's older and her parents have instilled in her the self-confidence and forgiveness she will need to grow past the rough start she had, she may acknowledge you with the love that you are hoping for.

Kat

[dad]

Originally Posted by manni28

Not to start BUT, why didn't you try to gain custody? I mean two years is a very, veery long time for a parent to try and get the child back, I also think two years is too long for a child to stay in foster care- I'm very curious, what will you tell your bchild when she ask "why?"

The court case took such a long time.

I did try for her, I even asked my wife to try which was dismissed after 3 months which was hard too.

And because I was away a lot I did not know how the injuries really happened I was blind and stupid.

I also agree that Father's day cards will go to the man who is doing the day to day care of Alisha. Althought I am aware that there is NO man in Alisha's adopted parent life.

I am still hurting and regret it all, I was young and stupid all those years ago.

[dad]

Also I have to say that the reason it also took so many years to contact Alisha, was because social services did not have this "Letter Box" Agreement in place until she was 5. For all those years from when she was adopted to then I always thought about her, where she was and what she was doing. I still do now, yet I do get 2 letters a year with photos and good progress of her life.
She is also aware of my life too, we just don't actually know each others towns.
Social Services do all the posting between us.

Thanks for all who listened and commented. I cannot beelive it is nearly a year again since I last visitied this site. Thing is I am due a letter and need to write a letter back, it's easier now, knowing that she can write her own letters.

I am allowed to tell her how I felt for her, and how I feel now.

Paul (DAD)

[dad]

Hi all, been a while since on here.

Just like to say Alisha is now 10 and get 2 letters a year and are enjoying each others letters.
I have been asked where I live in the last letter and it was not crossed out by Social Services, I called Social Services and they said it's up to me if I want to give her my address.

Thanks to everyone who replied and said nice things.
I am much happier now than i was when I first joined.
Hope all is well
Best wishes
Paul