[Byrnes]

I once had a woman tell me that since I had adopted I would probably have a real child next. I told her that "this one is pretty real." I've had people ask why we adopted from China I usually respond with "thats where my daughters were." And since I have two girls people ask if they are sisters my response to that question is "they are now" Mostly I think people are curious but not very bright. And most people just tell me how beautiful my girls are and that sometimes leads into a conversation where you can educate. I have to be careful because I tend to say the first sarcastic thing to come into my head and when my girls are with me that might not be the most appropriate answer. I like the response "Oh thats an interesting question why do you want to know." I'll have to try that one. My girls are two and five and the oldest knows her adoption story and can tell it if she feels comfortable but she knows that she doesn't have to discuss it if she doesn't feel like it.
Byrnes

[Sidswife]

Our son is only four months old and I am five months pregnant!! Tell me I do not get some really crazy looks!!!! However, the worst comment that I have gotten so far is :
Now that we know that we can carry a pregnancy; do we wish we would have not adopted our son?

I was in total shock!!! I would not trade our son for anything. This was God's plan for us. After our first bio son, we never thought that we could have more children. God just made us wait for the perfect baby boy to come to us. Who cares that he is not from our genetic make up!!!!!!!

[maricela]

Hi, It's my 1st time posting but I just had to jump in! I have an 8 yr old adopted son & a 5 1/2 month old adopted daughter(or at least soon to be, TPR is on Friday 10-31!!).

I was at a family baby shower about 1 year ago and my aunts & cousins were having a conversation about how someone they know had adopted 2 children and how "ugly" they were...my aunt actually said "if they were able to pick the kids, they should have picked cuter babies". I could not believe these words actually came out of her mouth!!! I started to respond but my mom saw how upset I was and interupted me by gracefully changing the subject. Had I responded, I probably would have ruined the baby shower...I had tears in my eyes. I gathered up my son & left the party. I have not spoken to them since....I do not want my children around people like that. My daughter is bi-racial & I'm sure that they will have something to say about that.

Maricela

[Michelle 053002]

I agree that some people just need to mind there own business. I am still hearing " you'll get pregnant any day now since you adopted". I always laugh and say, miralces can happen but I doubt it.

When my daughter was 2 months old some one asked my mom how I was treating the baby since she "really wasn't mine". My mom told her that the baby was every bit mine and hasn't talk to her since.

[Michelle 053002]

my other favorite one is when I'm with a group of moms and they start talking about there labors and one will start to ask me and then say oh that's right you took the easy way out. I've had that happen several times in different groups. I guess all the years of heart ache don't count in there books.

[Mikosmommy]

Michelle,

I've heard that one too. As if giving up all of your right to privacy in order to have your background checked thoroughly, your body poked and proded in areas having nothing to do with childbirth, your home gone through with a fine tooth comb, endless paperwork, and all that waiting hoping to God that the **/BF doesn't change his/her mind (at which point you could easily be financially and emotionally devastated) is "the easy way out".

Let's face it--if all potential parents were made to go through what we potential adoptive parents go through the world might be a better place. And after you survive all that, you get to deal with these stupid comments. How ironic.

The point is, it matters not where the child "comes from". What matters is what you do once they're here. Parenting is the great equalizer.

[mrs62098]

Oh my God ... YES! I've also heard that I've taken the "easy way" of bringing a baby into my life by adopting and being "spared" the delivery!

I'm with you, Michelle! Perhaps we should all carry a list in our back pockets of all those things we had to go through (your list was bang on!) and we could just hand them out on business card sized paper whenever someone says something like that.

I'd love to see the looks on their faces! <lol>

Easy way ... HA! (Althought, just for the record, I wouldn't have changed a thing in order to get my wee son!).

~Carla

[aspenhall]

Whenever I get news that someone is pg, my comment is "Oh, YOU took the EASY way out, huh?" I feel blessed to be part of the adoption community...It's so EXCLUSIVE and most people will NEVER get to have these experiences!! I relish every minute, and I wonder if I EVER want to get pg!!!

[Michelle 053002]

Carla, i agree I wouldn't trade my daughter for anyone or anything in the whole. hubby and I have often said, If we would have conceived we would never have known our daughter. She is the perfect match for our family.

[Sidswife]

Being a mother of both adopted and biological children, I can honestly say one is not "easier" than the other. Both have psoitives and negatives to them. My first pregnancy was very difficult and I was pretty miserable the whole time. However, it resulted in a beautiful son and I would not trade that experience.

After three failed placements, our perfect baby boy was born july 2nd. Although his match and placement went very smoothly, the rest of the adoption experience was very emotional. I have to say that it was very nice to not have the physical recovery time that comes with having a biological baby. I was able to enjoy our new son without being in so much pain. However, I was having morning sickness and was on an intense hormone therapy so that took some adjustment.

I try not to worry to much about what others think. I have gotten used to rude comments and peoples ignorance. My husband and I are an interracial couple with biracial children. We know that some people cal not help being so stupid! We are happy and love our family. That is all that matters to us.

[Kall1984]

I'm afraid that I am not as diplomatic as all of you. When i hear these typical statements I generally respond by putting these people in their perspective places. I have zero tollerance for insensitive and intollerant people such as those you all have written about. Arent they all lovely? But what I love the most is seeing the shock and horror in their faces when I tell them in no uncertain words the kinds of people they are.
Kall

[stephaniemlou]

When my son was a few months old, two women in two days said to me (older, didn't even know one of them), "Aren't you glad his mother didn't have an abortion?" !!!!!!! I have plenty of comebacks now, but I was so flabbergasted I didn't even blink. What kind of person says something like that?! I makes my bloodpressure rise just to think about it...

[Shai's Mom]

Another aggravating question is "What do you know about his Parents?"

My answer to that one is "Everything!!" and I add a brief physical description of my husband and myself, sometimes our address for good measure.

[BlueEyz]

Hi everyone... I know that these awful inquiries do exist out there, but I guess we have been blessed by wonderful family friends and acquaintences that have NEVER said/asked any of these things to us (of course the baby is only 5 mths old, but still..)

We have a bio son age 6 soon and the baby we adopted was born last summer (he's been in our arms since the moment of birth). Everyone knows the horrific experience we went thru for years trying to get pregnant and spending our lives and our money trying to get there.. So our baby has been a welcome sight into our immediate community and everyone has really been happy for us. The baby even looks like he could be genetically ours..

People can be insenstive, period. It is too bad that many people don't think before they speak --for if they did, they would understand their comments are hurtful.

P.S. Shaismom--by the way --I read your story of your son's adoption and MAZAL TOV! We named our son Matthew --which as you know, in hebrew means "a gift from G-d" --which is exactly what he is! (we currently trying to work on the conversion ---his bris went well --nearly 90 people came to celebrate in our home! It was incredible. )

[gigigeorge]

our son is 6 weeks old, we were there in the room when he was born and brought him home the very next day... I find besides people making the "you look great" comment (which if I HAD been pregnant, I would take as an insult, I mean are all pg women supposed to look bad??) is that people will say "He is such a cute baby how could someone just give him away?"... I usually walk away at this point because it makes me so mad, but I have yet to come up with a great shut-em-up response !

any suggestions ?

gina