[Robin C.]

I believe that each case should be weighed out to it's fullest degree. Some men desire to be the father that they should and could be, but circumstances can make that difficult. Some men just do not have the desire at all, and some men have no desire to be the "Daddy" except for bragging rights only.
In my case I had 2 children very young, the marriage was on again off again, until my daughter was 2. When I got pregnant for my son, "Daddy" was angry, hateful, and said alot of things that he will never be able to take back. He moved out during that pregnancy and the man down the road, who was 7 years older began to mow my grass, take my garbage to the dump, and check on me. ( He had been our friend, when he was married, then his wife left him, and my husband did not want him around)The man knew that I was pregnant, yet we formed a friendship, and I began to babysit for his 4 year old. Well, "Daddy" got jealous, and came back (secretly, still seeing his girlfriend) When our son was born, "Daddy" spent that night with his girlfriend ( I found out later) Finally, when baby was almost 1 month, I could not take the post-partum depression on top of the rejection, so I kicked him out!
Then I ran into the neighbor friend at the store, he was kind, sweet, and needless to say we began to DATE, this time.
"Daddy" did not see baby for 8 whole months, but he would take our daughter, his girlfriend had a little girl too. "Neighbor" became Daddy now to our son, and he was the greatest, loving him like his own. My husband and I had another child, at that same time ex had another child with his new wife. 9 years later our son died, and my husband, the step parent, never did get a chance to adopt. That was 8 years ago, and we have talked about all of this. "Daddy" never would have allowed it, because he liked bragging rights. My son knew who his biological father was, but he loved, loved, loved his step-dad, and THAT was his Dad, he told everyone this. Now, looking back, past all that pain, grief and hurt, I realize, God has a plan for us all. I mean, wasn't even Joseph a step-father? To the Son of God! Must be a pretty important job, eh?

[supermom]

It is primarily a matter of what you feel is best. My husband is considering adopting my son, and I must say, it would make things better. My son began calling him daddy by choice, and if his birth father ever does come back (it has been over 2 years) it will upset things a lot. My son calls his birth father by name, and does not even link that he is his father because he never had anything to do with him when he did see him. Just decide what is best. If the adoption will make your family whole and tie up any loose ends (like birth families deciding to pop up and confuse things) then you should do it.