[jlcwc92300]

i'm looking in to a step adoption. MY girl hasn't seen her birthmom for over 2 yrs. she (birthmom) only makes contact when it fits HER. Why does she have more rights to MY Girl that i've been raising sence just after 3yrs of age (now 7) than i do? why can she come and go as she pleases and nothing can really be done about it? i don't understand how "deadbeat parents" have more rights than someone who IS here for them? she (birthmom) emailed today talking about "oh i will send out your christmas gift this week" in the last 5yrs she has only gotten 1 card and 1 letter from her and a few calls here and there, and see her once! dose she relize that she is tearing up MY girl w/ the lies? yes most of her calls have someting in them like-"oh i will call you in a day or two" or "I promise i will come see you/write you" and yes none of this ever happens. I understand that when i steped in to the shoes of "mom" i was takeing on everything-late nights, sick days, school, and like tonight loseing a tooth. and yes even heart acks. i can handle all of this. IT JUST DRIVES ME NUTS THAT birthmom IS ALOWED TO CAUSE THE PAIN!!!
a few family members say i should write birthmom a letter telling her about what she is doing and how we all feel about it. i don't know if this would do much if any good. she has it in her head that it is OUR (my husband and I) fault that she don't call, write or see "her" daughter. we never have stoped her from calling or anything, we have read her the 2 letters and few emails she has sent. BUT its our fault.
well i feel a bit better now. if anyone has any advice about this or would like to talk or vent just email me at- Blue_Eies_20@ Yahoo.com
thanks for your time
Joy

[WizFan]

Your situation sounds similar to mine only I am the natural Mother and the natural father was the dead beat! In my situation I simply but an end to the nonsense. I knew that if I told him that if he wanted to see my son to get a lawyer. I knew that if it required him to take action to see my son that he wouldn't try. Your daughters birthmom sounds as if she would do the same. Sure, he tried calling a couple times but only a couple. When I told him no, he couldn't talk to my son, he simply gave up. One question, are there custady or visitation orders that would be broken if she was denied these things. If not, its you husbands call. I don't know how the law is where you are at, but in OK if the astranged parent has not paid support for 12 out of the past 14 months and/or maintain a positve and healthy relationship with said child then adoption can be granted without their consent. It worked for us. My husband adopted my son in Dec! Good Luck ! I hope this helps.

[jlcwc92300]

i have to (unwillingly) say yes, she HAS visitation, but never takes it, she IS to call S once a week for no less than 45min. to talk TO HER, never happens, when she does call the time they spend talking is around 10 mins. so we can't say NO your not allowed to talk/see her. she don't anyhow. its just when she does she tears up MY girl so much. birthmom emailed claming she was sending a christmas gift. we haven't heard or seen anything sence. the way things are looking, we are going to have to pull her rights so we don't have a fight on our hands. none of us need that. email me anytime you would like to talk.
bye bye for now
Joy

[supermom]

I know what you mean about all of these rights!! In my case it is the bf, and it makes me soooo mad. I have to go spend all kinds of $ to get his rights terminated, and the rules are way more strict than if my son was in state custody. If he was in state custody, rights would have been terminated with half of what I have had to go through. Also, in TN, it is illegal to not use your visitation. Luckily right now he has none, but when they do decide to reset it when he gets out of jail he will probably visit just to keep from going to jail! That is the most preposterous law I have ever heard of. I am in the middle of gathering petitions about some of these laws. When someone has been in rehab and left 4 or 5 times, refused to go to anger management, a judge should not be allowed to just drop charges and let them see a child!! It is getting ridiculous. They think they can pass laws to make people be parents.

Sorry, I just saw your vent and I had to do one of my own.

[vicrose]

Hi Joy, Your dilemma sounds exactly like mine, but I am the Mother, and the Father is the dead-beat who rarely comes to see his children!! My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 10, and throughout that time, my huband has been the one who has been there for the children!! My son is 14 now, and is beginning to resent his natural father for all the stuff that he has put our whole family through over the years, and he has even began to not want to see him at all!! My daughter on the other hand really never knew her natural father, but she is showing signs of being hurt over the years!! These deadbeats don't realize what harm they do to the children!!, why don't they just stay away and not keep in touch at all, rather than lies and manipulate these children into thinking that they care????? I hope your situation gets better. Sincerely, Brenda

[jlcwc92300]

hello all, yes i think they need to open their eyes and see what is really going on w/ these kids. it makes me sick. well the christmas gifts did show up ON JAN. 8th. she said they where in the mail back on Dec. 15th. i know the mail can be slow but... she sent her a barbie, a barbie car, a musical carasel and a water snow globe w/ pics in it. well she filled the globe, so when it got here it was broke and the pics all messed up. Who in there right mind sends something breakable in the mail w/o making sure its safe? my girl hasn't even opened up the carosel yet. she just asked for it to be put up. and a letter- "oh i miss you so much and love you and can't wait to see you, i will call you soon" DON"T LIE TO MY BABY! she has "found" our email agian (its been the same for 5yrs now) she will talk to me more than MY daughter. she claims that my dh WILL NOT let her see our girl, so phone calls will have to do. we have never stoped her from seeing her or calling or anything. thats what drives me nuts. she don't want to give any info of any type to us, we have asked for med. history- NONE and things like that but she never gives any. this is one of the resons why i know i couldn't be a judge, some dead beat parent would come infront of me and i would throw the book at them- the biggest one i could find at the time, over and over.
i have never heard of anything like that here in Indiana, about not takeing your visits. now i do know that if you don't pay your support you can go to jail for it. in the paper where they have the crime stoppers or whatever, there are always atleast one person listed for "non support of dependent child" i'm sorry that would make me want to run and hide.(well i guess thats why they owe any how) and yes i think its funny how they want to have the title "MOM" or "DAD" but do nothing about it. yes i'm sure my girl will have some hard feelings about her bio when she is older, but right now she still has it in her head that "mommy" loves me and cares for me. but the questions are comeing more and more and i feel if they can aske the question they can hear the answer. just right now we have MANY "i don't knows" we are getting her back into a counsler, becase this is starting to become a problem at school now, she is breakeing down and crying for no reson, getting VERY short temperd, bed wetting, nightmares, the whole range of "goodies" so we are hopeing to beable to pull her bio's rights so we can start to work on the healing, not the dealing. well i've vented plenty for now. if anyone else need to, i'm here, or email me. we all need to from time to time.
till then-
Joy--- Blue_Eies_20@yahoo.com