[Melissa Way]

My husband is in the process of trying to adopt my 6yr old son. His biological father has only seen him a handful of times, between the age of 1 and 2, and it was usually for only about 15 or 20 minutes at a time and few and far between. He is not on my son's birth certificate and has my last name he has never taken any part in my son's life unless I tried to force it on him and that didn't even work. His biological father has an extremely bad temper and has showed it in front of my son any time he was around and my son got very afraid of him so I stopped all contact between him and my son. After a few months I started dating and eventually got engaged to and married the wonderful man who wants to adopt my son. My son knows who his biological father is but calls my husband dad and considers my husband his dad. The problem is I tried taking my sons biological father to court when my son was around 1yr and visitation and child support were set but neither were ever done, something always came up and he rarely visited my son or paid support (like I said before few and far between and only for a few minutes) Then he decided that he wanted to be a father and took me to court and ended up blowing up in court because things were not going his way so the court set up supervised visitation and ordered him to take an anger management class (6 weeks) before he was aloud to have unsupervised visitation and again child support was ordered to be paid. He blew up at the second visitation yelling and screaming right in front of my son and scared him very badly so I stopped the visitations. After that my son had nightmares for a few months and he told me they were of his father yelling and being mean to him. My son was about 3yrs old when all of this happened and has not seen him since and his father has never tried contacing us to see him. There is more to this I am just giving the shortened version. His is now 6yrs and doing great and luckly nothing he ever saw of his father effected him.
The question I have is, his father got sent the notice of adoption and has recently gotten a lawyer and contested it, we do not have a court date yet, I am just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and been through this whole process and could tell me how it turned out so I know what to expect when we go into court. I would appreciate any info.

[jlcwc92300]

i know how you feel. i'm looking in to adopting my "step" daughter. we haven't got the paper going yet, but i know it will turn in to a fight as well. my girl is 7 and has asked me to adopt her. i wish you all the luck in the world. i hope it don't turn out as nasty as forseen for you.
bye for now
Joy

[joan1be]

times Hi, see if you can contact the courts and ask for help. See if they would let you speak to an ad Lidem. (child advocate) They might be able to tell you how to approach this adoption issue. As the father hasn't supported the child, I am surprised he isn't in jail.
Here in phx.az they will put dead-beat fathers in jail.
You might find out the laws where you live. See if they can't work for you.
Like , tell the father pay, or relinquish your rights or you can be arrested. (only if that is the law by you)

[Melissa Way]

He owes over $10,000 in back support and they haven't put him in jail yet. And the thing is, I could care less about the money I would be more than happy to drop all of it if he would just sign the papers. I feel it would be harmful to my son to be around his biological father, I just hope the judge sees it the same way and grants the adoption.

[WizFan]

I am not sure how the courts work where you are but when we went to court and the natural father was there to contest my lawyer requested an attorney be appointed for my son. She was there to tell the court what she felt would be in the best interest of the child. This can play a major role. She talked to us privately and then came to our home and visited with my son. It sounds to me that with all that has happened( showing of rage in court and during visitation) it is likely that an attorney would feel it would be in the best interest to allow your son to be adopted by someone who apperently loves him, supports him, and whom he has a strong bond with. Let your ex make a fool of himself! It works for your benefit! Whenever possible, do not bring you son to the court house. This will prevent sad and scary feelings from surfacing again and perhaps making him feel guilty for not wanting your ex as his dad. The less your son has to confront him the less confussed he will be. Good Luck

[pmpark5498]

We just went through a step parent adoption. Where the biological father was found unfit to be a parent. You need an attorney for this. This is not a self help situation. I will be happy to provide any feed back on what happened in our case. It was finalized on Dec 4th 2002. My email address is msgtp99@yahoo.com.

[supermom]

You can have his rights terminated probably. There is an abandonment law, in most states it is like 4 months. Usually the judges like for it to be a year with no visit, no attempted contact, and no support. It sounds like you can do it. You will need an attorney. Here in TN it requires 3 court dates. I don't know how it baries from state to state. Good luck!

[Melissa Way]

Thanks for the info.
We did get a lawyer and already went to court in Jan. our lawyer went for the abandonment, which was not hard to prove. My son's bio father had never paid support and my son is 6 and had not seen him in 2 yrs. So the judge granted the adoption!
I live in Indiana and abandonment is 6 months here which I did not know, we were under the impression that it was 1 yr.

[supermom]

I just want to say that I am happy for you. I know it is a big relief!

[Melissa Way]

Thanks! It was a huge relief we did not relise how stressed we were till it was granted.

[jlcwc92300]

i'm so happy to hear that your adoption went threw. i'm sure it is a big weight of your sholders. i'm also in indiana, do you remember where you found out about the abandanment being only 6 months not a yr? everything i have found only says 1yr. but most of all CONGRATS!!!!!!! to you and ALL your family.
bye bye for now
Joy -- Blue_Eies_20@yahoo.com

[debsdone]

Did the court address the back support that was due to you? I wonder if, in a case like this, it is possible to still sue for the court ordered support while the child was legally still a responsibility of the "father". Since, in some cases, you can actually obtain an amended birth certificate, are all past debts and violations null and void? It would be interesting to find out. the ability to obtain the "ammended birth certificate" seems so stupid to me. My 3 children were adopted as adults, yet still received a new birth certificate! So could my ex sue for paying child support to children that "weren't his"? Interesting...... Love, debi

[Melissa Way]

Thanks!
I never found anything that said a 6 months, when we went to court the judge said 6 months. That is why we thought it was a yr because everything I ever read said a yr. The judge we had told his bio father in court that he was able to support him for at least the last 6 months and keep in contact with my son and failed to.

[jlcwc92300]

ok thanks. debsdone, i would like to know about that too. from what i have found, they will still owe up to the day the adoption was final, and other the day it was filed for(if it goes threw). my cousin has done 2 step adoptions now. and in the one case she told the bio father that he wouldn't owe any back support if he would just sign. well her papers where not written that way. SHE would not recive any more BUT the state could go after any late fees and all that they are entitled to. so i'm not really sure.
well i will talk to you all later
Joy

[debsdone]

In my case, my x works for the city and his support was collected for me by the DA's office. So he wasn't behind. We considered offering him the option of relinquishing early and saving himself the child-support, but the kids were nervous about that. Plus, his insurance was good! That sucks, but it's a truth. The very second he could, after they were 18 and the court order was no longer valid. He took them off his insurance. That was one of the deciding factors for the kids. He didn't have to do that, they were college students and still eligible. Just a jerk. He would never have contributed to college. My eldest is 25 and we still have expenses. Kids don't become free on their 18th birthday! LOL Anyways, the ammended birth certificate is a confusing part of all this. My x is just now learning of the adoption and I am trying to anticipate what kind of trouble will will try to cause.now. Debi