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Originally Posted By Kris

Here is my situation.... almost seven years ago I gave bith to a wonderful baby boy. January 1996 to be exact. The problem is with a not so wonderful man. He wasn't abusive or anthing that drastic well let me tell the story.

During the pregnany he became controlling and possesive. Which in the the long may me realize I needed space. I told him this and he just didn't listen to my plea. He smothered me to the point that I realized that I didn't love him. I called it off. Now I NEVER said he couldn't see him. He came to the hosptal to see him and the last time was they day he came home. He didn't ask anytime after that, but I was in need of support. I lost my job during the pregnany and even when we were still together my mom bought everything,. He never contributed a dime. (to this day the total is $0). I became angry at this. I mean it is frustrating to have your mom buy everything when the father had a well paying job. So after about a month he called and said he would like to see him. I said that would be fine, but (and this is what I said) "You walk around bragging to all your friends and family about being a father. Fatherhood is alot more than a title. You need to help me pay for stuff, so my mother doesn't have to. You choose, you want to see him fine, but help pay for stuff. If not Get out of our lives. He chose the get out. I haven't heard from him since then.

So here's the thing in November of that year I met a great man, he has been there everystep for him. Doctors appointments, sick nights, christmas everything. He is the only on that job so his pay went to him for everything. He have sinced had two more kids and been married. Now that we are married my son has chosen to call him Dad. He chose on his own ,which to me makes it known that he wants him to be his dad. (My son never asks about his father and I have never made attempt to tell him about him) My husband would like to adpot him, so we can make our family complete legally. I am scared to do this though.

I have read that they need to contact the father. There is no record of him though. He isn't on the birth certificate or anything. I heard that they run an ad or something. I don't think that after 7 years that he would still let this happen. I think that if he learns about this that he will try to come in his life. My son is great. He is smart and just wonderful. I am afraid for one that it will mess him up and for two I think it is to late. He hasn't even tried and we still live in the same city. We have mutual friends. Never even asks about him. Now don't get me wrong I don't anyhting from him anymore, just to leave us alone.
So my question is this.......

Im Ny, how can I do this. Well can I do it??

[Debra Carter]

Kris:

You will first need to find out what type of laws are set in your state. I live in Florida and the laws have changed drastically since my husband adopted my son four years ago.

Since the "donor" for your son has not paid any type of support and has not made attempts to see him, you could possibly argue that he has abandoned your son. Thus, legally terminating all of his rights. In Florida, after , I think, two years of no contact and no support then his rights are terminated anyway. Naturally, you have to go through the court system to nullify this, but you actually have a lot of factors working to your advantage.

Try to contact anyone who would be willing to take your case. Find a legal aide attorney in your area. I got help that way.

Unfortunaly, for me, I had to obtain the consent from my sons biological father. So, I called his bluff. I explained to him that my husband and I would use every penny we had and get second jobs to fight him in court over the case. I told him that I was going to make him pay all of the child support back to me that was owed and it would be an ugly battle. I gave him one week to make up his mind. We spoke on a Sunday, he said he would call me by Friday and he ended up calling me on Tuesday. It's amazing what happens when you call a persons bluff. Threaten your guy. Tell him that you have family pulling for you that is willing to help with the cost, tell him that you have been saving for this cause, tell him you have an attorney that is going to work with you and take it all the way. Also remind him that you are looking at the best interest of your child, you want what is best for him. Your husband is the only father he knows, he would be devastated to find out that he isn't his father. He hasn't had anything to do with him, he owes this to the child, put your differences aside.

First, contact the legal aide services, find out the laws for your state.

Good luck! I'll be praying for you! If I can help, let me know!

Cordially,
Debra Carter
sunshine554434972@yahoo.com