[stepmommy]

I'm a step mother of a child under 12 years of age, whom I'm trying to adopt. I have been the only mother this child knows for half her life (3 years.) She has little to no memory of her biological mother, but she knows she left and didn't come back. The bio-mom left in early 2007, leaving the country taking her son with her (My step daughters *half* brother) to meet a man she had met on the internet. She had no contact with the child and did not pay child support. June 2008 my husband was grant full custody.

She was kicked out of Canada and then made it back into this state about May 2009, which is the closest date we can PROVE she was back and still did nothing. UNTILL....

August 2009 she was served with a court date for owing child support. 2 weeks later (September) she filed for modifying the parenting plan. (In response, clearly) But she continued to have more children! Every child from a different man. We have been to many court dates over her owing child support since but no date was ever set for the parenting plan. She has not attempted to contact her daughter and has only paid $40 monthly payments once in a while. The child has lived in the same home with the same address which she has all her little life, and the bio-mom has always known where the child has lived. The bio-mom owes 5k in arrears and there is Contempt court date scheduled for July 29th for child support againnnn. She will not sign consent for adoption, so it will be contested on the 9th.

This is not the first time the bio-mom has left the child and took off, just the longest. 3 years this little girl has been MY little girl. I did it all. In my HEART this is my daughter. And to her *I* am her REAL mommy.

Everything said here can and will be proven in court on the 9th but I would like some of your opinions on how it will go.

I feel that if the bio-mom was a man this would be cake if she was a man and crack the whip like they do all the bio-dads. If you imagine this story as this women being the bio-dad, I would have never gotten a negitive reaction. Because shes a women I feel that they make take it easier on her. It is OBVIOUS to me everyone completely frowns upon me trying to take rights from women who proves to not be a real mother. Too many cases of SAME events but with a bio-father's children being adopted by step-fathers, and very few of bio-mothers.

I haven't mention all the nut job things shes done, I've just stuck to the facts, just like it will be in court.
I have done loads of research to try to comfort and calm myself and odds are looking wonderful sometimes but terminating a bio-parents rights is a big deal. I have learned contested step-parent adoptions are 50% of the USA's adption cases so it's extremely common and easier then all other adoption cases.
Also, the state law for abandoment is seeing you child (or TRYING TO counts also) and SUPPORTING the child *with-in* your means for 6 months or longer. (3 years beats that all to hell) We are proving she is not supporting her with-in her means nor seen her or tried seeing her for 3 years.

Do you think adoption will be granted?

I did get a response on yahoo answers saying its NOT in the kids best interest for the mother to be stripped of her rights so I guess she should keep her rights incase one day she actually wants to see her daughter in the future? Leave her with abandoment issues again that I have to clean up AGAIN like I did the last time, with the help of psycologists? And when she leaves her again like the last 2 times? It is really her RIGHT to torment and distroy this wonderfull little girl so many times in her short life? If it is her RIGHT to do this, I hope to strip her of this right.

Please explain why she should NOT be stipped of her rights if you do indeed feel so, so I can understand your point of veiw.

This women has no clue who this child is and visa versa.

[psying]

From what you have said, you are the real mother of the child. This will never change. I can't tell you that the judge will see things as they are, but you have a strong case for permanency for your daughter. Bio "mom" definitely has both a financial and an emotional obligation to her child, which from what you've said, she has shirked. Hang in there. It will be a long time ago someday and WELL worth the effort.
)
Beth

[Blessed2x.]

Sounds like you have loved this child as your own, and have been her mom when her mother did not. Good for you and best of luck.

[stepmommy]

So stressed and nervous. I'm so glad I got a response! Thanks you two. I appreciate your thoughts. 2 days until we go to court....

I'd write so much, and rant on but it doesn't really matter since none of it can be used in court. (for example she got a boob job but could only pay $40 or sometimes nothing in child support NO wonder and loads of things that make no difference in court)
From all I've been told its pretty much going to be Black and white, no grey areas. Facts and evidence. I just wish I could have the judge in my home on and off for the last 3 years to witness all that has gone on.

[LoveMyGirl]

I'm very close to being in your same shoes. Bmom is roadblocking my adoption too. My daughter has been with me since July 2007. My daughter is 7 now and Bmom hasn't supported her in all that time. She sent two packages (one in Christmas wrapping and one in Valentines wrapping) in late March of 2008 but since July 2005 to now, that's the only attempt at contact. As I type she's in jail for failing to appear for her felony cocaine case. Still.... the courts want to hear her side of things. This is actually her 43rd arrest since 2005. Still.... her rights are being considered.


I'll keep you in my thoughts. I can definitely relate to stressed and nervous. Maybe we'll catch a break and a judge with some morals and a conscience will see us through.

[psying]

Stepmommy,
I hope the birthmom and her boobs will be very happy together. It seems they are the only thing she is capable of committing to!

Please let us know how court goes. Praying for a positive outcome!!
Beth

[stepmommy]

I appreciate all of your support. I thank you all.
Tomorrow we go to our lawyer to go over he questions that will be asked and our testimonies.
10 months ago has been her only attempt at any communication or visits (when she filed for visitations in response to being surved with child support hearing)

I just hope they don't plan to give her a "second chance" because it would be her third chance since she has done this twice. I pray they can spot out her lies whatever they may be and that all our proof stops any chance of believing any lies that she may come up with. (Example she said she was forced from the area by my husband in 2007, and had nowhere to go, so she went to Canada..... lolwut? We live in West Virginia... Canada is just a hop skip and a jump away!) Nerves have my thoughts running wild. She has not shown anything that seems to be good intentions. If you could only see her myspace... she makes it clear she wants nothing more then to fill my stepdaughters head with ****, and all she talks about is how my husband thinks of her when he's with me... she is so full of herself and says things to just try to be hurtful and nothing to do with wanting to be a mommy. All this is terrible. I wish it wasn't like this at all. I wish she would have been a mother to my little girl and not bailed out on her multiple times, and NEVER sent a card or letter or present to her on any holiday this whole time. It hurts me to see someone not care about the child you love so deeply... I want to protect my little one from ever having to deal with any of that again.



I will tell you how it goes in there Friday.

Good luck to you LoveMyGirl! I pray our judges do the right thing and really want whats best for our children.
Hopefully this nightmare will be over soon for both of us and we live out the rest of our lives knowing we did whats right for the ones we love.

If it's denied for me I will be heartbroken and worried about my little girls feelings in the future. If it's denied I really hope it is in my daughters best interest. I hope that if its denied it doesn't turn out to be more damaging to my daughter. No matter the descision I pray it is in the childs best interest and not just a careless choice made by a judge who didn't do his job when it comes to a child.
If it's denied I atleast know *I* tried to do the right thing, being a legal stranger working with what I can.

[stepmommy]

My daughter is 7 years old. She says she has two mommies. She knows I did not have her. Her best memory of her Bmom is when her Bmom was pregnant with #2 (when Bmom left her the first time and came back to my husband pregnant when my daughter was 2 years old.)

She wants me to adopt her, of course its been explained in a very simple way. Nothing would change, but *I* would be her mommy to everyone else not only her.
She remembers a time I took her to the Doctor alone (just me and her,) they wouldn't let me go back with her, I had to wait in the waiting room and they took her back BYHERself. She was only 5.... We explained things like that would allow me to go back with her since I'd be more then just a step-mommy to everyone.

[stepmommy]

Just checked our voicemail. It's been rescheduled from the 9th to the 16th, they didn't say why on the voicemail. We'll have to call our lawyer tomorrow when they are open and reschedule our appointment from tomorrow to next thursday.

[LoveMyGirl]

Arrrrrgh. I know how much each continuance wears on your already frazzeled nerves. Hopefully it will be because of something favorable to your case. Fingers crossed!

[stepmommy]

I had no idea a step parent could file for shared legal custody. I just read your quote or I dont know that name of it... Signiture? and saw that you had shared legal custody of your step daughter. I wish I had known three years ago, I bet that would help my case some.

Since we heard it was rescheduled time is passing so slowly it seems. 6 more days, unless its rescheduled again... I want this over with. I want this to be a good thing. I wonder so many things: If our lawyer knows what hes doing, If our judge Spaulding not taking contributions in re-election bid | West Virginia Record will see things as they are, or if he'll feel bad for the Bmom since shes a women and a mother instead of a women who has no interest in her child. None of our family really take this seriously, they all seem to think its a straight up win so they aren't worried at all. Which is exactly how it should be, but of course I'm worried for my daughters sake. It really has seemed everything just gets worse and worse for myself, my husband and my little girl. I hope this is where it gets better!

[LoveMyGirl]

Yup. My attorney filed for me to have shared legal custody of K back in February because that gives me legal standing in any court case for K and it would help me once we get to probate court for the adoption. Everything prior to that, everything for the prior 4.5 years, when I was only her guardian, (taking her to the doctor/dentist, enrolling her in school, providing insurance, etc....) doesn't count for anything apparently. I was still a "legal stranger" (until the motion was granted). The part of my case that's different than yours is that I'm not married to K's father. He's my exH. K is his child born a year after we divorced so I'm not a step-parent.

I hope the next 5 days goes by quickly.

[stepmommy]

What a difficult situation. I've read some of your other posts -- You're a wonderful person.

[LoveMyGirl]

One more day... how are you hanging in there? I've been thinking of you and I hope everything goes well tomorrow!

[stepmommy]

I'll start by saying today started off great. I was in such an awesome mood and felt so relieved today was finally here. I have wanted this over so badly.

Court went about like I expected.
It lasted 2 hours.
Nothing has been decided yet, he wants to go over it some more. Our lawyer said we'll know in about a week.

Now before I get into alot of what was said, I'd like to take a moment and explain mine and my husbands wedding...
To make a sweet wedding story short - it was ruined by my husbands mother and that side of the family.
So apparently my mother-in-law is not too fond of me (for no reason, honestly just wanted to crash my wedding) and after that I'm not too fond of her. This women has taken alot of her own time to tell me things like "When she comes back you know he's going to leave you" ect.

We found out IN COURT today my mother-in-law has been letting K (my step daughter) talk on the phone with her Birth Mother for this last month. And my mother-in-law and K's Bmom told K she can't tell anyone, and gave her a DSI video game as a bribe and threatened her with "If she told, she'd not be able to see her maw maw no more"

Her speaking on the phone obviously doesn't count in court since it was AFTER she was served with the petition for adoption, but this just added to so much more this little girl has to deal with now... and feeling guilty for it.

Court went well, though I don't know the decision yet, but everything after court has really got me torn up.

My mother-in-law has made K feel she has done something wrong, and has made her keep a secret and just totally aided in ****ing with this little girls mind. I am pissed to the max. I am so emotionally exhausted.

That's some dirty ****.

Besides this extra drama added to the story, the judge is not looking at only the last 6 months, he is looking at the 3 years in total, which I feel is a great thing.

The Bmom has been telling K she shouldn't love me like a Mommy, that she is her real mommy. She's told K we have not let her see her, that's why she hasn't.
So much drama, exactly what she wanted. This whore gets everything she wants, why couldn't she just be a decent mother.
Her boob job was brought up in court, I wasn't expecting that to be used, but apparently it helped in the fact she can get a 5k $ boob job but not pay the ordered amount of child support...
She over acted many times when on the stand I hope was obvious to the judge and not only to myself.
I am so furious... and drained.

Bmoms lawyer spent more time trying to prove me UNFIT then trying to prove Bmom as not 'abandoning' her daughter. For example days missing from school, after me being asked what I do as a mother figure in K's life, her absents and tardies were aimed at me. The judge didn't seem to care about it since it doesn't matter how unfit I was - I WAS STILL THE ONE being a mommy.

One thing we were not aware of, she did have two receipts of sending one xmas present (2007) and one birthday present (2008) to our address. But we never received it and that wasn't gone over for very long.

But there is still alot of time missing, so I don't know how this will go.

Her lawyer was terrible.

Our lawyer still says it is 50/50 and he feels no different then he did going in as he did coming out, and pretty much just recapped things that helped our case and things hat hurt our case.

I just want what best for K, no matter what happens. I want what would make her happy and no more bull shhhht drama. This is all too much for a child.


I will go over more of this later, but for now that's all I can stand to write on the subject. So many things I want to say but just don't feel like it.