[luvmybabies55]

We are about to start the process of stepparent adoption. my stepson is 8yrs. old. he has lived with my husband and i since he was 4. i have been in his life since he was 3. He was taken from his bio mom due to abuse in the house and alcohol exposure. from the very beginning she had little to nothing to do with him and i quickly became the only mother figure in his life. his bio mom moved across the country and has not seen him at all in 2yrs. she feels like he has no bond with her what so ever, that he doesnt remember ever living with her and that i am the only mother he has ever known(her words). We have just decided that i am going to adopt him. she is completely supportive of this and wants no contact with him again. My question is....how much should we tell him about the process and what it means? he already has no contact with her and has never seemed to care one way or the other. nothing in his day to day life is going to change...just legally. i really am not sure what he should be told...bio mom said she is leaving it completely up to us to tell him. any advice???

[mom2behappy]

if so I would just tell him that I was going to adopt him which would make me legally his mother.

[luvmybabies55]

he does already know i am his stepmom. i just wasnt sure what to say about it. he does remember his mom, just not being with her. i think he will be very happy about the adoption. the only things i worry about his him finding out for sure he will not be having anymore contact with her. (she wants nothing more to do with him at all). i'm just not sure what all shouldnt be said or should be said...............

[jandkbeck]

If you sit down and discuss the options and ask him what he would like, you might be surprised in how he responds. My son is 8 as well, and we're actually fighting for his bio mom's rights. I have discussed the offer she made us, but I asked his opinion. If you make him feel that he is part of the decision process, he more likely will be receptive to it, and have no bad feelings later down the road. I wouldn't tell him that she wants to give him up, maybe consider something like "she wants you to have a mommy and daddy in the same house". Just keep the negatives to yourself, talk to him truthfully, and be open for him to discuss his thoughts and concerns with you and your husband.

[ToraMay]

Be completely honest. Tell him that even tho you are never going to replace his biological mother, that he will have two parents, a mother and a father who love him and care for him.