[debbielang]

Hi, I am writing for some advise. My ex-husband contested of my husband now of adopting our 2 children. He was a very abusive man, he molested 3 of my children and I had him put in prison for this. His own 2 children do not even know him. He has been in and out of prison for the last 10 years, he has threatened me and the other children, stalked us, and would always get away. I have since moved and remarried. My husband wants to adopt these 2 children they love him very much. Now they are upset that they do not think that this is going to happen. Also the bio father has not paid 1.00 in child support. He got visitian rights threw the divorce and has not tried to see them at all. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do. We have a contested court hearing in Feb. All I do is cry at night worring about this. Thank,debbielang

[TxMom65]

I don't have any advice really, other than hoping things go well for you. I would also just advise (thought I didn't have any) to try to keep the kids out of the details of it all. They have suffered quite a bit already and don't need to hear the rest.
Good luck.

[Oceans]

My Dad adopted me from my B-father. My B-dad was behind on his child support and facing jail because of it. My parents dropped all the past child support claims if he relinquished his rights. I don’t even know if this is legal today (this happened several years ago).

I would never recommend this tactic as it made me feel terrible when my parents told me about it years later – I got over it, but it hurt for a while. In your case, there seems to be bigger issues at work. My b-dad loved me and was never abusive (to me) but for different reasons it was good I was adopted.

I absolutely agree with TxMom. Keep the kids out of the loop with all the ugliness today and when they are older. In the end, it will only hurt them. Even if your husband adopts the kids, your ex will still be their dad.

Best of luck!

[jojobug]

My ex was in prison at the time that we filed. He did contest and we still fought. If you have the guidelines for your state, you should till have a case. In my state, no CS or visitation is cause. As well as the abuse. I will let you know that it may cost you to fight. Our adoption was 2500 and we had a attorney that only charged us for the court date and travle. She was a friend of the family. Also we had a GAL and would have had to pay for his attorney. The county picked that up, and only because of luck. That would have been about 1500.

DO NOT give up. You can ask that he agree, and forgo the support. I did not do that, but he did not ask. He thought he would just get out of it. That is up to you, you do not have to give it up In all, our cost was 2500 and he owe's 3500. So it is pretty even

Our adoption is final, but it took almost a year. Good luck

[debbielang]

Thank you so much for your advise. We are not giving up at all. I heard that they will give him a public defender. I do not care how much it takes this is what the kids and I want so badly. I am happy for you that yours turned out well. It has been almost a year for us already

[momagain5]

sounds like the courts can terminate his parental rights,based on abandonment.

[Daf_Irwin]

My advice is to try your best to stay calm and know that the courts try their best to do what's best for the children - and it doesn't sound to me like there is any good reason for your ex to retain rights. I'll tell you that our contested adoption was granted based on far less horrific facts than yours.

Hang in there. It's a tough process, but worth it!

[debbielang]

Originally Posted by Daf_Irwin

My advice is to try your best to stay calm and know that the courts try their best to do what's best for the children - and it doesn't sound to me like there is any good reason for your ex to retain rights. I'll tell you that our contested adoption was granted based on far less horrific facts than yours.

Hang in there. It's a tough process, but worth it!

Thanks I really need this...Been very depressed about the whole thing

[hubbysadopted]

I don't know what to say. We have a situation where the birthmother will not give her rights up even though she has not bothered to see the kids and when she did we believe she was abusive. The kids were too young to prove it and can't remeber enough to make the case. I remember night after night crying the night before she would take them. It is actually a godsent that she quit. Problem is she will contest if we bring it up for adoption. We have decided not to chance it and just love the kids. If she takes us we will fight with everything we have. For now we sleep on eggs shells hoping she continues to not contact us. We have not moved or changed or number in case we do end up in court we don't want her claiming we hid the kids.

Your situations sounds even worse as this person has spent time and definetly has been found guilty. I think you will do alright in court. Just remeber if the lawyer don't think they will strip his rights you want supervised visitation. I realize that is still unbearable in your head but if you loose chances are he won't come to see the kids if they are supervised. Many times they come once or twice and never again.

My prayers are with you!

[hubbysadopted]

Your right this is not legal today. But I have to ask if your birthfather had been abusive and you were too young to remember would you have felt the same. I want to adopt my step children but not if it will harm our relationship in any way. My concern is if she remains their mother she will pull them into her dramatic and abusive lifestyle. What do you think? Please be honest I want your true opinion for my kids sake.