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Originally Posted By KATHRYN

Almost 7 years ago I became a stepmom to a beautiful baby girl named Stephanie. When Stephanie was approximately 4 years of age, her biological mother basically walked out of her life. Of course, there was some court issues with child abuse, neglect, drugs and prostitution but all in all, this mother walked away from her baby girl. From that moment on, I made a promise to that beautiful baby girl that I would love her, nurturer her, and treat her as if she was my natural child. I have kept my promise. Stephanie is now going to be celebrating her 7th birthday. She is a very smart, intelligent, loving and well-mannered child. Stephanie is one to always look on the bright side of things no matter what.

Of course Stephanie has no memories of her biologic mother. Her father and I have been married for over 7 years. I am the one Stephanie calls MOMMY. I am the one that never left her and never will.

To this day, I cry for Stephanie, thinking someday my husband and I will have to tell her the truth of how her mother left her and treated her so badly. My opinion is that the biologic mother must have a heart of stone not to fight everyday of her living and breathing life to see her child.

If you are a mother or father, you know that just the thought of being away from your child for a minute kills you. True parents would walk across fire, swim the ocean, and hike to the top of the highest mountain to see their child for just one moment. I know I would!

Well, now I am trying to adopt Stephanie. With adoption, Stephanie will always know I did whatever I could to make sure that she is mine in every legal way. Also, I would never have to worry about her biological mother treating MY daughter like trash ever again.

With adoption, Social Services gets involved, and they have to talk to the biological mother of Stephanie. This means that suddenly the biological mother gets to influence a huge decision in MY daughter's life. This is NOT understandable and will not and should not be excepted.

We tried to get the Biological mother (Karen) to sign for this adoption, but guess what -- again she shows her lack of true love for Stephanie by saying No!! She will fight this adoption. She would rather save her pride in front of her family then do what's best for her daughter. Even 5 years later, she has not changed. She still puts herself before her children.

Can anyone tell me why after all these years does our court system still allow people (mothers or fathers) that have been out of their child or children's life for so long to come back in? If this adoption does not go through, I am afraid that the courts will let this trashy mother around my baby girl again. You ask why would they??? Well, because she gave up a few hours of her life to lay down and give birth to this child. But yet, I gave my life, my heart and my soul to this child forever. Yet, I am the one on trial to see if the California court system will allow me to adopt what is already has been mine for so long. I feel I have done everything possible for this child and I should not have to show or prove to anyone I am a great mother. Stephanie and her brother know it and that's all that matters to me. Because of my husband, our families and myself, (and of course a great lawyer) Stephanie has had a great life with us.

So the question I have for YOU, the American people, is - Why would any court think that just because someone gives birth or helps conceive a child, they should always have their right as a biological parent to come and disturb a child's life and then leave whenever they want. We as Americans and Parents need to change the laws so they serve for the best interest of are children not the parent that abandoned them.


Please support me in changing the laws for our children by sending me email on what you would like to see in a new law for our children best interest.. Stephanie's

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Originally Posted By Shelly

Kathyrn, I feel for you so tremendously. I too was in the same situation. Why do these deadbeats even get the time of day? Why after all of the years taking care of "our" daughters do WE get scrutinized? Should there not be a law protecting the child? Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you and YOUR family.

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Originally Posted By Mary

I agree with you except for one thing that happens too often, which is my husbands case. He was never told of the pregnancy or the birth until 26 years later! Does he not have the right to know his child? If adoption files were open at least he would be able to find the child he was deprived of. I do believe in your case it should be different, but not all cases are the same. I am with you 100% when it comes to parents walking out on their children or abusing them. I have been a mother for 24 years and would never have walked out on my children. But to find out that my wonderful husband has a son whose mother chose to walk out on him and his father, this is not right either. That is why we are desperately searching for him.
Good luck in your fight for what is right!

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Originally Posted By Mrs. Marsh

I "totally" agree with you in "every" way!!!! I know exactly what you are going through. i am going through it myself. Then only difference between your story and mine is the time length and I have 3 children. my babies biological mother allowed sexual abuse to happen to all3 of my babies, 2 girls and 1 boy. Even when the man was found guilty of the charges she still proceeded to marry this man. In over a year she has made no attempt to talk to them let alone visit them. I completely understand where are coming from. You and I are there when things need to get done for school, homework, projects, etc. Making sure they have a happy and safe home. But the law "always" gives the biological parents their rights when at times they should have "NO" rights at all! Just because they gave birth to that child does not mean that they are fit to raise them. I wish you the best of luck in the world to you and your daughter!

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Originally Posted By JewelsJ

I totally agree - my husband is trying to adopt "our" 8 year old daughter and after 8 years bio dad decides he will contest. I left him when I was 4 months pregnant - he had no job, alcoholic, we were being evicted, etc. Now after no contact and no support for 8 years the state of Texas gives him the right to contest the adoption and sue me for visitation!!! O f course he claims he will pay back child support etc. -RRIIGGHHTT. He is still unemployed and has a pro-bono attorney(friend of his). My husband who has raised her since she was two is just livid at the judicial system. But we will win - will keep you posted.

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Originally Posted By Heather

My husband wants to adopt his stepson, my son. My biggest fear is that his Biological father will come back into his life. Do you think it would be better for us to go through an adoption process or leave things the way they are until my son is old enough to decide for himself? My husband has raised him since he was six months old. His biological father has not been a part of his life consistenly since he was 2 weeks old. It has been over a year since we have heard from him at all. We have sent papers to him, we know he received them because of the certified mail receipt, but no word from him at all. If I was in his shoes and I received papers, I would have been mad and called or written back. We no longer receive child support, because of our choice not to, but still no effort on his part to start it up again. We feel that if it is being forced then it is not a willful effort to begin with. What should we do? In the mean time, I am leaving gaurdian ship to my husband in case something happens to me and I pray every day that that will be enough to keep my son where he belongs with his true family!!!

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Originally Posted By Kathryn

You do what ever you have to do to make that little girl your through the eyes of the law I had A grandson from day one I brought him home from Hospital and his mother and father didn't care about him only when it was covenunt and that was all well after 10 yrs the Parents want ed more tax money and took me to court and now I can't even see him and why I am the stepgrandparents and I even had gardin ship of him thou
the courts so you do what you have to do to keep this child safe.
from the love of a grandmas loss my email is write we will talk if you would like to .
email lmorgan@netcare-il.com

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Originally Posted By Robbin

Hello Katheryn,
My heart goes out to you. I too know exactly how you feel. I was recently married to a man with 3 beautiful girls. They are OURS now. Their mother also left, not once but 2 times. It has been 1 year ago this week.

I love all of them with all of my heart. I could never have children for some reason, and now I think I know why. It was my calling to raise these girls. I thank god every day for this blessing.

I cannot understand how their mother could be so heartless and just walk out on them like that. They seem to be adjusting well, although I don't know the repercussions at this time. All we can do is get them the help that they need and shower them with love.

Good luck to your family. It sounds like they are in good hands.
Robbin

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Originally Posted By Patricia Smallwood

Good luck, I have attached my story.

Patty Smallwood

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Originally Posted By wendy

hang in there! I am in a very similar circumstance, just in a different state. The bio mom wouldn't even consider signing away her rights, but didn't see her for two years either. Finally we went to our local prosecutor and filed charges on the back support she owed, even though we didn't need it. We had them garnish her wages and took her tax return (which paid the attorney fees for the adoption), then she begged to have her rights taken away. It took us a total of 4 years, but it's worth it. I know it sounds awful, but it worked. A real mom would haven't have minded supporting their child and certainly would never have left in the first place. Good luck!!!

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Originally Posted By stephanie

my story is similar in that my daughter was 3 moths when her bio mother abandoned her. my husband got custody of her when she was 14 months. i have been with her since then. her and i bonded imediately. she is my angel. we have been in the courts ever since we got her. right now we are trying to get soul custody and she is fighting us on that. she has nothimg to do with her. no phone calls, no cards,no b-day cards no nothing except an occasional child support check.we are told by the courts that we need to encourage our child to want to call her bio mother and encourage her to see her. how can we do that when her bio mother takes no intrest in our child? we are encouraged to cater to this woman who has done nothing for our child.i have seen so much mistreatment towards dads within the court system. if the shoe was on the other foot she would have soul custody in no time.
i am very intrested in changing the law for our children , although i dont know where to begin. i would love to help in any way i can.

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Originally Posted By Bonnie

Kathryn, I can only hope and pray that this has finally been resolved for you. I am on the other side of the spectrum, but I definately understand your frustration. The biological DONOR of my child has not been in his life for 6 years. When my husband wanted to adopt "OUR" son, the donor all of a sudden got "morals". Well, after months of talking and frustration, he finally signed the papers. I know that I am one of the lucky few in this situation and I only hope and pray that this works out for you. It takes so much more to be a parent than just being a donor. (I don't have to tell you that!) My husband is also the only father that our son knows and, thank God, he is now the only father he will ever know. I will be looking for more about your story and if I can ever be of help or simply morale support, please let me know. All my best goes to you and your family. Bonnie T.
(I wish that the laws would state that the simple fact of abandonment would constitute loosing all "parental rights". It amazes me that "blood" would give a loser any rights. Animals seem to have better rights than children at times. Children did not ask to come into this world. The least that they should expect to receive should be the love and support that you show in the above story for "YOUR" daughter.) God bless you!

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Originally Posted By Dorenda

I think you just summed up the last five years of my life!! I met my husband five years ago. He was a single dad to a beautiful six year old little girl. My husband had been raising her since his divorce, when she was two. Six months after we met, we were engaged; we were married six months after that. His daughter became my daughter long before we were married. She and I immediate clicked with an amazing mother/daughter bond. Once we were married, I immediately wanted to change the life my daughter had known, i.e. the pain of a birth mother who lived just 10 minutes away but never visited or called, the constant disappointment and confusion of why her "mom" didn't want her but had two more children that she DID want. After two years of marriage, my husband and I seeked a step-parent adoption. I thought it would be a breeze...no contact w/the birth mom for two years, no child support payments were being made. Who could deny that I was what was best for my daughter!?? Well, the courts could. After a two-day trial (because the birth mother contested the adoption), a psychological evaluation on everyone involved, a positive drug test by the birth mother, a lawyer on behalf of my daughter fighting for the adoption, and two psychologists saying it would be in her best interest to be adopted, and my daughter herself telling the judge what she wanted, the judge DENIED MY PETITION. Why, you ask...because the birth mother would send ONE CHRISTMAS CARD A YEAR...and that was contact!!! What could be worse?!? They were going to make my daughter have regular visits with her, whether she wanted to go or not. There was nothing we could do to protect our little girl. How fair is that? I, too, live in California and know how frustrating the courts can be. I sympathize with you in your quest to adopt YOUR DAUGHTER. I, fortunately, have a happy ending. Five months after the trial when the judge denied my petition, the birth mother gave up her rights and allowed me to adopt my daughter. January 5, 2001 was the happiest day in me and my daughter's life. She no longer felt unwanted or panicked about the thought of visiting her birth mother. She is secure in the love I have for her and knows that I am, and always will be, here for her. I cherish everyday I am with her. Now, one year later, she is so happy and relaxed and carefree, just as an 11 year old should be. She now has contact with her birth mom and her two half-sisters, but it is on HER terms...not the courts or anyone elses. She has control over the situation now. Good luck in your quest and please, don't ever give up hope. As you know, just because you're not "legally" her mom, in her heart, she knows who is...that will always be you. You're the one who is there for the good and the bad. She looks to you for approval and guidance. Everything that a daughter looks for, in a mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know how it turns out. Good luck and keep fighting for your daughter.

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Originally Posted By Dorenda

I think you just summed up the last five years of my life!! I met my husband five years ago. He was a single dad to a beautiful six year old little girl. My husband had been raising her since his divorce, when she was two. Six months after we met, we were engaged; we were married six months after that. His daughter became my daughter long before we were married. She and I immediate clicked with an amazing mother/daughter bond. Once we were married, I immediately wanted to change the life my daughter had known, i.e. the pain of a birth mother who lived just 10 minutes away but never visited or called, the constant disappointment and confusion of why her "mom" didn't want her but had two more children that she DID want. After two years of marriage, my husband and I seeked a step-parent adoption. I thought it would be a breeze...no contact w/the birth mom for two years, no child support payments were being made. Who could deny that I was what was best for my daughter!?? Well, the courts could. After a two-day trial (because the birth mother contested the adoption), a psychological evaluation on everyone involved, a positive drug test by the birth mother, a lawyer on behalf of my daughter fighting for the adoption, and two psychologists saying it would be in her best interest to be adopted, and my daughter herself telling the judge what she wanted, the judge DENIED MY PETITION. Why, you ask...because the birth mother would send ONE CHRISTMAS CARD A YEAR...and that was contact!!! What could be worse?!? They were going to make my daughter have regular visits with her, whether she wanted to go or not. There was nothing we could do to protect our little girl. How fair is that? I, too, live in California and know how frustrating the courts can be. I sympathize with you in your quest to adopt YOUR DAUGHTER. I, fortunately, have a happy ending. Five months after the trial when the judge denied my petition, the birth mother gave up her rights and allowed me to adopt my daughter. January 5, 2001 was the happiest day in me and my daughter's life. She no longer felt unwanted or panicked about the thought of visiting her birth mother. She is secure in the love I have for her and knows that I am, and always will be, here for her. I cherish everyday I am with her. Now, one year later, she is so happy and relaxed and carefree, just as an 11 year old should be. She now has contact with her birth mom and her two half-sisters, but it is on HER terms...not the courts or anyone elses. She has control over the situation now. Good luck in your quest and please, don't ever give up hope. As you know, just because you're not "legally" her mom, in her heart, she knows who is...that will always be you. You're the one who is there for the good and the bad. She looks to you for approval and guidance. Everything that a daughter looks for, in a mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know how it turns out. Good luck and keep fighting for your daughter.

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Originally Posted By Dorenda

I think you just summed up the last five years of my life!! I met my husband five years ago. He was a single dad to a beautiful six year old little girl. My husband had been raising her since his divorce, when she was two. Six months after we met, we were engaged; we were married six months after that. His daughter became my daughter long before we were married. She and I immediate clicked with an amazing mother/daughter bond. Once we were married, I immediately wanted to change the life my daughter had known, i.e. the pain of a birth mother who lived just 10 minutes away but never visited or called, the constant disappointment and confusion of why her "mom" didn't want her but had two more children that she DID want. After two years of marriage, my husband and I seeked a step-parent adoption. I thought it would be a breeze...no contact w/the birth mom for two years, no child support payments were being made. Who could deny that I was what was best for my daughter!?? Well, the courts could. After a two-day trial (because the birth mother contested the adoption), a psychological evaluation on everyone involved, a positive drug test by the birth mother, a lawyer on behalf of my daughter fighting for the adoption, and two psychologists saying it would be in her best interest to be adopted, and my daughter herself telling the judge what she wanted, the judge DENIED MY PETITION. Why, you ask...because the birth mother would send ONE CHRISTMAS CARD A YEAR...and that was contact!!! What could be worse?!? They were going to make my daughter have regular visits with her, whether she wanted to go or not. There was nothing we could do to protect our little girl. How fair is that? I, too, live in California and know how frustrating the courts can be. I sympathize with you in your quest to adopt YOUR DAUGHTER. I, fortunately, have a happy ending. Five months after the trial when the judge denied my petition, the birth mother gave up her rights and allowed me to adopt my daughter. January 5, 2001 was the happiest day in me and my daughter's life. She no longer felt unwanted or panicked about the thought of visiting her birth mother. She is secure in the love I have for her and knows that I am, and always will be, here for her. I cherish everyday I am with her. Now, one year later, she is so happy and relaxed and carefree, just as an 11 year old should be. She now has contact with her birth mom and her two half-sisters, but it is on HER terms...not the courts or anyone elses. She has control over the situation now. Good luck in your quest and please, don't ever give up hope. As you know, just because you're not "legally" her mom, in her heart, she knows who is...that will always be you. You're the one who is there for the good and the bad. She looks to you for approval and guidance. Everything that a daughter looks for, in a mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Please let me know how it turns out. Good luck and keep fighting for your daughter.