[poppyryce]

I just talked to my attorney. My ex was sent the paperwork for him to give consent for my husband to adopt my daughter. He has emailed me saying he received the paperwork and is not going to sign it. He told me since he isn’t signing it that I can not enforce it. Of course I know that is up to a judge. So the next step is my attorney is running an ad in the paper which will also be mailed to him. The ad runs in the paper for 4 weeks. I was wondering why exactly do they do this? Since we know where he is and he has confirmed he got the paperwork, why don’t they just proceed with a hearing? I have another thread I started if you need background on what is going on. We are trying to prove child abandonment, because he has had NO contact, paid support, or anything in 3 years and my daughter is 4 soon to be give. He last saw her when she was 18 months old. Also does anyone know what a judge would do if he did not rule in our favor? Would visitation for him be established?

[happilymom]

Well, I think that you still need the ad to run because that gives him "fair warning" that you are planning on pursuing the adoption, without his voluntary termination. Depending on your state law, he has only so long to contest to this, and to do that he should have to come to court, and explain himself to the judge. This is why I was saying ( your other thread) to document the timeline. If it comes down to proving that he hasn't been involved, hasn't paid support, hasn't been a father...you would have it there. You want to be as prepared as possible, so that you don't have to keep going back and dragging this out. Another thing is that he may realize that the judge will require him to pay his back support arrears, and start paying his child support if he wants to be in her life. This has nothing to do with visitation, but it may be something he wouldn't want if he's just trying to cause trouble.

[poppyryce]

Originally Posted by happilymom

Another thing is that he may realize that the judge will require him to pay his back support arrears, and start paying his child support if he wants to be in her life. This has nothing to do with visitation, but it may be something he wouldn't want if he's just trying to cause trouble.

Do you mean a judge would make him pay back support before allowing visitation? I understand that support and visitation our two separte things. I am going to type out a complete time line of from the moment she was born, and trust me it won't look good on his part. But I always think negative and I wonder what will happen if it doesn't go in our favor, will he automatically get some sort of visitation. I mean wouldn't they do that slowly since she doesn't even know him? I am sure we will win, but I am trying to think of all aspects here. Thanks so much for your feedback.

[happilymom]

No, I meant that if the bdad contested the adoption, the judge is going to want to know why he hasn't paid support, and he should be required to pay his back support. But, that has nothing to do with the visitation, as a parent, he has every right to see her. It says something about him that he hasn't taken advantage of that right. The judge will also look at that. A lot of "deadbeat parents" try to reconnect with their biokids after recieving TPR or notice of intent to adopt, but if they aren't doing it out of true interest, the commitment to the child seems to fade away. My point is that if he has a problem with paying his support, visitation, parenting in general, you have a good case for abandonment. When you talked to him did he ask about your DD or express interest in visitation? Is he trying to be a part of her life?

[poppyryce]

No he isn't. Actually I had not talked to him in almost a year after I gave up in trying to get him to be part of her life. Then he emails me out of the blue because I called his mother asking for his address so I could send him papers on this adoption and a name change. Then he emailed me telling me he was willing to let me change her name and had heard nothing but good things about my DD from mutual friends and was happy for me. So I printed that out, the fact he said he knew my husband was good to my daughter. But yes, I believe it is abandonment, because he never did anything up until 12-06 after three years because I was telling him i was wanting his rights terminated he sent an x-mas present. Still NO support, calling, cards, b-day cards, anything in 3 years. Last time he saw her was exactly 3 years ago, and he has never asked to see her.

[happilymom]

Now why does he have a problem with termination if he doesn't want to be involved? I don't think you have anything to be worried about, but I checked Stepparent Adoption by Tim O'Hanlon, because it has the statutes for all 50 states in it. Under Florida, it says that Statute 63.064 states that consent is not needed from "a parent who has deserted a child without means of identification or who has abandoned a child." Now, obvoiusly your lawyer would know more about this than I do, but has he told you the length of time Florida requires to deem abandonment? Most states say one year, and you have 3! I think you're sitting pretty on this one!

[poppyryce]

Thanks so much Happilymom! Yes that it was my lawyer said one year classifies abandonment! He has never asked to see her only that he wanted to slowly gain connection with her, and he didn't even tell me that till after I asked to have his rights terminated. He never filed for a petition for visitation either. But now is claiming he wants to be in her life. Thanks for helping my worried mind! I will keep you updated!!! Lawyer said hearing will be in May most likely.

[happilymom]

I'm so happy I could help you! Please do keep me posted, and May hopefully will be good for both of us! Our adoption should be finalized at the end of May! Good Luck!!