[Reacted]

I live in TN

My daughter is 12, and was born here.

Her bio-father left when she was 1 year old & we saw/heard from him last when she was 2. His name is not on her birth certificate and he refused to sign the paternity affidavit.

My husband would like to adopt her, and she would like for this to happen.

I read on the web that I would have to contact him for this to happen, and so I searched for him, and while I was unable to find him I found his brother who gave me his number this morning.

I called today and asked if he would sign off on adoption papers, and he refused. I realize I will need to seek a good attorney next week, but in the meantime I was wondering how this might play out. I thought I might have grounds for abandonment, but what happens if he says after all these years he will be a part of her life, can he undo 11 years of being gone on a whim, wish and a smile?

What possible scenarios do we face here?

Does anyone know a great family law attorney in Nashville, TN?

[jsimon]

Sometimes the bio father is afraid to sign over his rights because he fears that doing so would be admitting paternity. I am not sure what can be done to get around this as I only really know the laws in CA. But he cannot undue the abandonment he already commited. It has been well over the normal two year mark. You have a good case for abandonment. Good luck and keep us updated. I am sure your story will help many in the future. Sorry I could not be more help.

[stepadoptionblog]

You have a great case for abandonment. IF he wants to be involved in her life he will have to establish paternity, as well as begin to catch up on 12 years of back child support, as well as regular, ongoing child support, court ordered visitation would have to be established, that is another few grand....

Give him some time to think about this, often times the initial reaction is a knee jerk one. Once he has time to mull over what can happen if he doesnt sign over his rights, he may very well reconsider. I would still go to a lawyer and have them draw up the adoption papers, but you can also have them draw up papers for child support and send them off as well, letting him know it is his choice on what papers he wants to sign.

Even if he does not sign the adoption papers, you can still petition the court for the adoption under abandonment laws, if he wishes to fight, he will again need to hire a lawyer, and travel to the courthouse to defend himself. Many parents refuse to sign, only to be absent on the day of the hearing, meaning in most cases that the adoption will go through, occasionally though the court will continue the case, allowing the parent another chance to show for court. With no contact for 12 years, and at that age your daughter having a legal say in what she would like to have happen, you have a great case for a stepparent adoption....either with or without his approval.

Stepparent Adoption Blog

[BarbaraB]

Hi, Reacted. It's possible that he doesn't want to sign anything because he thinks it would be admitting responsibility (thus liable for child support). It is sad that there are fathers out there who really want to step up to the plate, and others who are still running the other way -- I think the latter group give men a bad name. : ) One thing you might do is look for a member of AAAA, a national organization of adoption attorneys (I will get the acronym wrong, I'm sure, but it's something like the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys). To belong you have to do a certain number of adoptions each year, so the members are people for whom this is really a big part of their legal practice. I know there are some members in Tennessee. In your situation, on top of years of no contact or support, he isn't even on the birth certificate and has never formally acknowledged paternity, and those facts will probably be significant. Good luck! Let us know what happens.
Barbara