[leemirth]

My fiance and I are getting married in March....I would love to adopt her youngest daughter, the father is not on the birth certificate....he gave up his right to do this along with my fiance during pregnancy and refused to help her finacially during birth, not to mention there was some complications during birth and caused my fiance to claim bankruptcy due to medical costs....she did take him to court and there was a paternity test taken and came back positive as he was biological....she also took him to court for child support which she is receiving currently....he has mental and physical rights to see child every other weekend....twice a month....he pays over 1500 a month and he doesnt like it...however to be spiteful he would never give the child up....we dont think at least...she asked some time back however he became upset...not to mention she is fearful of him for threatening her several times before i was in the picture...with getting married soon and since i am raising this child...and she only goes to him 2x a month whcih she hated but now is bribed because he spends the weekend letting her stay with two other little children...not him.....we want first to have her last name change with her mothers....her last name currently is the last name of my fiances previous marriage.....however the child in question here....she was never married to her father...so the last name of the child is not his....and whats my right to adoption being on the birth certificate...and whats his right on the birth certificate and last name....we know he doesnt want the child having my last name....however it seems weird that he is fine with her last name being my fiances ex husband....help..

[jsimon]

First of all you have a lot of investigating to do before you proceed. I do not know the laws in PA but in CA you need to be married at-least a year before adopting your spouses child. Second the terms for terminating a parents rights are quite strict. It sounds like the BF has been paying child support and also has regular visitation with the child. That would eliminate abandonment (the easiest way to terminate a parents rights). It does not sound like you have much of a case to terminate his rights against his will. Your best bet would be to convince him to sign over his rights. Some convincing like pointing out that he wouldn't have to pay child support any-longer might be leverage. But maybe he wants to see her? You could also do a post adoption agreement like we did in our case and agree to let him continue his visitations as long as its in the child's best interest. Either way you definitely need to do your homework before proceeding and if he is going to contest the adoption then you will definitely want to consider retaining the services of an attorney.

[stepadoptionblog]

With the child still in contact with the birth father, and him being current on child support, you will have to prove that he is an unfit father to have his rights terminated. That may be difficult if he has other children that he is raising.

As far as the name change, you will have to be married before that COULD occur, and the biological father does have a right to contest it, as well as block it if the child currently holds his last name. Since he has been proven to be the child's father you will not be able to legally put your name on the birth certificate unless you do a stepparent adoption, after you are married. Getting the father to give up his rights will be easier than fighting him in court and proving him unfit.

Bottom line the father has a right to fight anything you wish to proceed with regarding the child, unless his rights are terminated, either voluntary, or by the courts.

The temptation of saving nearly two thousand dollars a month may be the only thing that you have to offer the father at this time to get him to agree to an adoption, IF that is what is truly in the best interest of the child.

If this is more of an issue of the parents and adults not liking one and other than counseling for the family on how to deal with a stepparent situation may be more in order for you than a stepparent adoption. Forcing a parent out of a child's life usually ends up causing more harm than good. If the child is not being abused or neglected in the home of the father, there is little that you can do to stop contact.

My advice would be to begin to document everything. How often there is contact, both physical and over the phone, how the child reacts to the contact, how the child's school performance is after and directly prior to contact and so forth. This can all come in handy in case your situation needs to go to court for whatever reason, adoption, or a custody battle.

Stepparent Adoption Blog