[amirelez]

I am in CA and just started the petition for step parent adoption to the court. My husband (BF) and my self (step p) need to ask the ** now to consent to terminate her rights. She is very prideful and spiteful though and this may be a hard thing to get her to do. My husband has full cust. of his son and I want to adopt him, the ** is a dead beat, lives off the "system" and is a drug addict and does not call or see her son. He has lived with us for 7 1/2 months and she saw him one time and that is only because she felt guilty that his birthday was in 2 weeks. She has sent no money or clothing, etc to help out w/ him, and since she receives welfare they told us she doesnt have to pay child support. I want to adopt my step son and he loves living here with us and he is ok with it. I just need some tips on how to get her to sign over her rights. If anyone has any advice or has been thru this before that would be great to hear from you. Does anyone know if she doesnt sign her rights over will the court still be able to terminate her rights just on the "unfit" mother terms? If anyone has had experience in this your help would be great!

[amirelez]

I dont know why there are stars in the post... I was saying Bio Mother...

[losing_hope]

Hello,

My husband just adopted my 3 children from a prior relationship. The childrens BF paid no child support nor had contact with the children in 4 years. You can read itin it's entirity under hoping this is over soon. The jist is this: we had to do an involuntary revoktion of parental rights. It is possible to do just takes a little longer. I live in Pa the law is after 6 months of abandonment they revoke the rights. Check with an attorney in your area to see what your laws are.

[Jacqueline_38612]

My husband and I also done what losing_hope done! He adopted my 2 children from a prior relationship with the same process (involentary termination of parental rights). The BF didnt pay child support for 3 yrs and hadnt had any contact in 15 months! The law for Ky is also 6 months for child abandonment! It's a lengthy process as losing_hope said but its worth it! The first thing I done was contact an attorney and told them my situation and asked what I could/needed to do and went from there. Most lawyers give you a free consultaion the first time to let you know your options and all the fees it would be to get you started ect ect....Good Luck with what ever you do!

[zxczxcasdasd]

Whenever you write a B followed by an M to signify birthmother- it is replaced with stars so the bmoms don't get referred by the same initials as a body function. It's an automatic thing. Just abbreviate a different way.

As for "getting" her to sign her rights away, I wouldn't advise that. It will set up an adversarial situation. In my state the rule is one year of no contact and no money. Find out what the rule is in your state, get an adoption attorney, get the papers ready to be filed as soon as the grounds are met, whatever they are. You can terminate her parental rights, but it is a lengthy and difficult process and you need to be prepared that even she if does abandon him, and her rights are terminated and the adoption approved - it doesn't mean she falls off the face of the earth. She will be a factor in yours and your child's life forever, even if great lengths of time pass in between. Understand that she will be very hurt and angry and it will be directed at you, and maybe the child if they in any way "sided" with you during the process. I understand that you want to make legal what you think is already reality- that you are the doing the mothering. And to secure that he can stay with you in his home should anything happen to his dad. Those are good reasons for going forward. But be prepared that it will NOT be the end of the story and the acrimony between you will be a stress and burden to all of you- her, you, dad and child, for a long time. Do your best to get him safely to adulthood, but also keep in mind the long term picture. You need to be able to face your child with a clear conscience that in acting in what you believed to be his best interests, you did not do anything immoral, unethical, cruel, dishonest or otherwise- especially bad-mouthing her or airing your grievances or accusations to the child. She may change her life and mature in the future. You need to keep aware of that possibility and make sure that in no way does your security or righteousness depend on her being "unfit" forever.

[nancy69]

Does anyone know how I can have my brother adopt my daughter? She has been living with him ever since protective services got involved. Its a long story, but I don't intend on her moving back in with me. Is it called terminate parental rights or just adoption? This case is going to close October 5. The worker is telling me that if I pursue this before then, the case will keep dragging on. I really want to get on with my life. Meanwhile, Im paying a lot of child support with my little job not much money. Please I don't need anyone judging me on my decision. just facts.

[zxczxcasdasd]

It is my understanding that you may voluntarily terminate your parental rights at any time. The adoption is approved after the TPR is signed. They are two separate actions, but the TPR has to happen for the adoption to happen. Usually a SW is involved to make sure that you understand the situation and that it is truly what you want and what is best for the child. If it is and everyone agrees, it should be pretty straightforward.

No judgments. If you are acting for your child's welfare, then don't let anyone make you feel bad. God bless you, your daughter and your brother.

[InBlindFaith]

Well, I'm not sure how to go about this. I have been trying to get my ex-husband to sign his rights over for the last two years. He has refused to do it, because that's what I want. He has filed Bankruptcy twice to stop foreclosure on his house, I am always notified as a creditor since I have Liens filed on his house. Everytime he files Bankruptcy I offer to walk away from the money he owes me if he just signs his rights aways. I have been trying to prove for the last 4 years that he is a drug addict and he has a violent convicted felon around my daughter. No one listens. Last February my daughter had made a very disturbing comment, enough to get CPS involved. With CPS' help they were able to prove that he was a drug addict among some things. With their help I was able to get a court order to cut off ALL Access until further notice (no letters, no phone calls, no visitation). Now the Attorney General's Office is trying to track him down for all of the back child support. His house was foreclosed on last June and we (including the AG Office) can not locate him anywhere!

Does anyone know if there is anything I can do to have his rights revoked. There has been no contact since the beginning of March, no Child Support Payment since 1/30/06, Over 16K owed in back child support, we can not find out where he is living or working (The State of Texas is searching). My daughter has made HUGE improvments since her father has been out of the picture and she keeps telling DH that she wishes he was her real Dad.

Where do I start? Where can I look for the steps needed to revoke his rights? I have TONS of court documents proving all of this. Would any of this fall under child abandonment? Can anyone steer me in the right direction?

[zxczxcasdasd]

WOW. I can't believe you are finding patience for your own wait in the midst of all this. Not easy. I'm so sorry for you both that your daughter is legally tied to someone who is not safe for her. At least you both are blessed with your DH.

Honestly, you just need to file a petition for termination of his parental rights, accompanied by a petition for the stepparent adoption. We used a family law attorney- but that costs. You can do it yourself- but it's harder to navigate. It usually falls under probate court. Your county or state should have the forms available online. You might be able to find a book online "Stepparent adoption in ...."

If your daughter is 10 or older then in most states, the court will consider her as able to "approve" her own adoption- meaning the CW and the judge will ask her and if she wants to be adopted and can articulate why, they will usually grant it.

Keep me updated. I know you just want to keep your daughter safe. I'm glad she has DH.

[InBlindFaith]

You don't need to feel sorry for us...I feel kind of bad posting this in here because really I came to the board because of my birthdaughter...needing to find patience. I am glad this part of the board exists!! This part has been going on since my DD was 2. You are just now getting a glimpse of my big picture. LOL

It's funny, I was thinking about all of this today. When I wrote the email to my original adoption counselor back in July, I remember thinking to myself "I bet this piece with DD has to be resolved first". Well, my first daughter said she wasn't ready. (I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason) Here it is two months after the email and DH tells me instead of fighting with the ex the money would be better spent if DH adopted her, someone who adores her!! It almost feels like everything is starting to fall in place...finally!! DH has been amazing with both of us...I just wish I would of met him sooner!! He is my ray of light.

I got ahold of a friend who has gone through something similar. She was told in Texas she was able to have her kids father's rights removed because he did not pay child support for over 6 months and he has made no attempt at contact for over 6 months...she did have to provide proof of this. Well, not only do I have this I also have court documented proof that he is a drug user and he has not complied with a single court order in 5 years!! And DH and I hired a great attorney last March!!

I am so excited about this! My DD will be safe, no more worrying!! So, Monday I will be calling my attorney and hopefully everything will fall right into place.

[zxczxcasdasd]

It made me smile to "hear" you so excited! What a wonderful thing for you all. I hope it goes quickly and smoothly and just brings everything into order for you. When you meet your first daughter, you will probably feel so much more settled, as will your DD, and your DH. Here's to happy families!

Definitely keep us updated, if you are willing. It makes me happy to hear your good news.

Heidi

[InBlindFaith]

Okay, so I didn't wait until Monday. I sent my attorney and his assistant an email early yesterday morning, then called a couple of hours later.

This is all I have so far...
My Attorney needs to find out from my County's Court what is required as far as trying to find DD's father. We are hoping the County I am now in will accept the Texas Attorney General's search for him, they have the ability to search in ways we can't...all of their searches have failed.

Once the papers are turned in then DH's adoption papers need to go in. The Judges here prefer to sever rights if there is another person wanting to adopt the child.

DH doesn't think the courts will do this. I told him last night that sitting before the Judge will be two men. One, who is very bad for DD and there are court records and a CPS investigation backing it up. The other, who has been a Father to DD with a stable life and has proven time and time again he is Father material over the last 5 years. Since DD is so excited about this there is a possibilty she may be allowed to tell the Judge how happy she is.

So here I wait...again!! LOL!!

[zxczxcasdasd]

Does that make you a "waitress" ?

From everything you are saying, it is practically a slam dunk.

Keep us updated...

Heidi

[InBlindFaith]

I guess I am a waitress. LOL!! I don't know how much waiting I can handle, hopefully this won't take long.

Technically it should be a slam dunk. After what I went through in the other county I'm not holding my breath. Thankfully our case was transferred already and the Family Court Judges in my county are all about doing what is best for the child.

I am hoping to hear something soon from my attorney!!

[Jacqueline_38612]

I have a simular case to yours, you can read it on the boards here under losing_hope. We did an abandonment/tpr/adoption! It took a while and cost a little money but was well worth it all in the end! I just wanted to wish you luck with your situation, looks like everything should go fine for you once the ball gets rolling! Keep us posted if u will! Good Luck I hope everything goes well for you and your family!