[mommyo'3]

I have 2 children with my ex-husband. At first, we had joint custody after the divorce. I picked the kids up one day and they had been beaten severely. At that time they were 14 months old and 2 years old. I took the ex back to court and he got supervised visitation. He came to it one time. That was 3 years ago. I married 2 years ago. My husband is the only daddy the children really know. Their biological father does nothing for them except pay child support because it comes out of his check. My husband wants to adopt the children. I know my ex will refuse to sign them over just for spite. I wonder what the chances are of my husband being able to adopt them through a contested adoption. Has anyone had any experience with something like this?

[losing_hope]

Hello,

My story is somewhat similiar you can read the whole story under losing Hope. I had 3 children that my husband just adopted even though the biological father showed to contest it. He didn't see the children for 4 years and paid no child support at all. It all depends what state you live in and what their laws are. I live in PA and they rule on 6 months abandonment. I had alot more than just the abandoment to use against the BF. Just to let you know you came to the right place. There are so many wonderful people in here to talk to about your situation even if you want to vent about your situation. Have you contacted an attorney yet to see what they say?

[Jacqueline_38612]

I too had a simular situation that is also posted under losing_hope! I have 2 children that my husband just adopted Aug 4th and it to was contested by the bio father. The BF hadn't seen the children or contacted them in 15 months and our state, KY, also rules on 6 months abandonment, but we too had more to use against him since he hadnt payed child support since 2003 and that was only $200 for 2 children for 4 yrs! But the BF rights were terminated and the adoption was granted all in the same day! Im not sure what they do really in any state with the BF paying child support with no visitaion because usually they can't file that as abandonment because paying child support falls under the support efforts for the children. You should contact an attorney in your state and ask them these questions, they can tell you more about what your options would be. Good luck with what ever you do!

[crabcakes]

There are a few of us with your similar situation. Losing_Hope and Jacqueline has been the grace of us all -- proving that we can fight the BF. However, they were both lucky in that the BF didn't show up at the hearing or did and was incoherent and unprepared.

In other words, your husband could very well have a chance as long as your ex stays as bad as a father in the courtroom as he does in real life. Unfortunately, because he's been paying child support - willingly or not - in my state, it's not considered abandonment.

Your best bet is to ask him (before any attorneys get involved) if he will be willing to have your husband adopt the kids and he will no longer have to pay child support (which would be forgiven if the adoption goes through anyway). You can also agree to an open adoption where he can still contact and visit the kids under certain terms, but if he's not doing that now...I doubt he ever will...at least not enough to make a difference in your life.

If he does agree, you can file the papers on your own and the court investigator or social worker would help him sign the consent. If he doesn't, then you will definitely need an attorney.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[lorelai]

I apologize for the long post, but I really need help-- My situation is similar to mommyo'3's.
I've been divorced for almost 9 years, most of which my ex has not seen his three children or paid much child support. He receives monetary support from his wealthy and well-connected family, and is not financially self sufficient. He has recently gotten a job that withholds and sends small payments, but his $18,000+ arrearages continue to grow. I have stacks--mountains-- of violated court orders, CPS reports, grossly abnormal psychological testing, domestic battery convictions, and on and on and on. During this time, we have had one restraining order after another, suspended visitation, monitored visitation, suspended visitation again for about 14 months, and now, for the past year, supervised visitation in the office of a psychologist who works with the family court system. For the past 4 1/2 years, we have had a guardian ad litem, who has testifed that my ex has problems with substance abuse, volitile anger, and mental illness, as supported by the court ordered psych testing. In June of 2000, my three year old (now 9) sustained a cigarette burn on his neck, which he told a daycare worker his father had given him. Despite all of the appropriate documentation, ER doc, CPS, police report, child psychologist, etc etc. no charges were filed, but he lost joint custody and went to every other weekend unsupervised visits. The following year, my oldest son, now 16, was physically and violently assaulted by him when he was 11, and subsequently was not required to attend visits anymore. Again, the court declined to press charges, but they restricted him to monitored visits of 2 hours one day per week. He attended sporadically for a while and then quit showing up completely, although he would send small payments ($20-$50) so that the state would be unable to prosecute him, or terminate his rights. In Sept. of 2005, he decided (for what reason I will never know) that he was going to open the wound again. This brings us to where we are now with the weekly supervised visits. Since then we have been in and out of court countless times. My three children want absolutely nothing to do with him-- my 16 year old has deep feelings of resentment and anger, my 12 year old hates him for abandoning them (among other things), and my 9 year old doesn't remember much about him but has no desire to establish a relationship with him. My current husband and I have been together for 8 years, and have recently married. He loves the boys as his own, and has a wonderful relationship with them. They love him and call him dad-- they call their BF by his first name--even to his face. This summer, we asked my ex to allow my current husband to adopt the boys. initially, he said he would consent, with the condition that we pay off all of his back child support plus another $5,000 in debt to the state. We hastily agreed, but after we payed an adoption atty, and did all the research to find out how to legally pay off your own child support debt, he changed his mind. Now he has pettitioned the court for unsupervised off site visits, which are set to begin tomorrow. The 16 and 12 year olds are able to opt out for now, (although the judge said he may change his mind about that later and force the 12 year old to go as well), but my 9 year old is being forced to go alone, and he is petrified. I am under court oder to send him, and if i don't, it will just give my ex ammuntion to fuel his constant allegations that I am brainwashing/controlling/alienating the kids against him. Plus, I can guarantee that within 24 hours I will be served with a contempt summons. According to the guardian ad litem, and the psychologist, and the last CPS person i talked to, i just have to send him and hope that he messes up enough that I have something to report, but not enough that my son is injured. Now, does that seem like totally screwed up logic to anyone but me???? Any and all ideas or suggestions are welcome. I have done much legal reading and legwork over the years, know the system in my state (WV) inside and out, and it seems i have exhausted all options. I have not found any organizations that seem to be interested in the rights of the CHILDREN-- just the non-custodial parent.

Thanks in advance for reading this and for any advice you might have to offer.

[noerose]

similar situation......we actually went to talk to an attorney today...you can call the state barr(we're in TX)--and they can refer you to an attorney for a consultation--it's $20 for a 30 min. consultation.
Anyways...our son is 2--I'm **, step dad wants to adopt--bf is absent for nearly a year, no cs or visiting. If the bf has a neg past sometimes their rights cam be revoked, but if the bf contests it can be more difficult. Also it helps if the bf has no visitation, or pays cs, etc...if you look at your state laws they can tell you the specific requirements for adoption or termination of rights. but for anyone to adopt the rights have to be terminated--b/c there cannot be 2 "parents". the best thing to do is look for your state laws, and your can get free or cheaper consultations to tell your story and answer any question.
hope this helps, i know its hard