[Jacqueline_38612]

I have posted my situation on the message boards under hoping this is over soon......My husband and I are going through the same type of situation but the BF's situation is different. The Bf has just chosen not to see the children for the past 15 months and has no reasonable reason for it and now he is contesting the adoption with the excuse "It's all HER (my) FAULT!" He's had the option to come see the children at any time and hasn't tried at all since May 2005.
Now he's got a lawyer finally and we go back to court Aug 4th and he's coming to court with the sorry excuse-saying hes tried to see them and pay child support but I refused it all! And then since I told him NO he couldnt see the children or pay child support(which never happened), he then tried to go through my family and contact me and gave them money and gifts for the children(which also never happend). So now when we go back to court they have suppeonaed my mother to testify against what he is saying being it wasn't truthful. So anyways I won't type my whole story out again being it's WAYYYYY Long! Long story short don't be disappointedwhen court dates are drug out to the MAX! I now expect ours to be that way even though our lawyer says it should be the last day of court, Shes said that every time! And hes done things to get the date postponed every single time! But our lawyer says that she thinks the judge has already seen enough of what he needs to see, he just wants to give him the legal opportunity to state his reasoning for choosing to not see the children or paying child support, because there is a such thing as the one thing that could've fixed that for him and thats called COURT! He could have had his visitaion and child support set up though the court if all that was stopping him from doing it was ME saying NO! His responsibility! Anyways! We have the real ACTUAL Hearing on the 4th of August finally, (it will probably be postponed again by something so stupid and little its pathetic!) But I am just holding my head up as high as I can and hoping for the judge to see that hes chosen to abandon these kids and they are finally happy and living a stable life style and neither child knows who the BF really is being the children are only 2 and 4 and hes been gone for 15 months of their life and before that it was almost just as eratic visitations(ever 2-6 months) and NO support still. Both children call me husband daddy because thats all they know! The most my oldest daughter can recall is that BF is her best friend because he bought her candy and toys! (she was 2 yrs and 9 mths the last time she seen him! and youngest was 11 mths old) and the visit was only for 30 minutes if that long, and the visit before that one was 6 months before that one which was DEC 2004 and he didnt get to see them because he showed up drunk to see them and he was forced to leave by the police because he refused to leave.) Anyways I never wouldve chosen the whole adoption route if it werent totally needed for my children to live happily and stablized lives! It's NOT fair at all that these men can just waltz back in anytime and get everything back that they chosen to give up for so long! They are the ones that are giving these children the opportunity to get comfortable with their lives and the people around them, and making it their only option to get to know things the way they do. And then they are mad because they arent part of it anymore when someone wants to adopt them and be what they are supposed to be to the children FOR the children! I don't and probably never will understand the people whole choose to give up whats theirs and yet can't handle the fact that it could become someone elses at any time after giving it up but still they give it up and are mad when someone else shows interest! Thats just DUMB! Why give it up if you want it for no reason? Anyways I've rambled way to much already! I just want to say keep your head up, it will work out for the best in the end! I'll keep ya posted on what happens in court with us on 8/4! Until then GOOD LUCK !

Jsimon- I too am pregnant, I dont know how far along you are but Im 30 weeks and it is very emotional for me as well, but hey it will all be over soon enough. Hopefully your next court date will be the last! You BF already having a lawyer and all should help it move along, there shouldn't be much else in the way, but then again it shouldn't be for us either but has been something everytime so far so don't expect the answer YET! LOL Just sit back and take what comes next one step at a time and it should work out just fine! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! GOOD LUCK! and keep us posted on new news please! (p/s when was your next court date set for?)

[jsimon]

I am familiar with your case because I have posted messages to you several times. Guess you didn't notice.

Anyway, I am 12 weeks pregnant. The added hormones don't make this any easier but I try to get through the days by letting the attorney do all the work and posting on this forum. It is so comforting to know that there are other people out there in similar situations.

Our next court date is on Aug. 14th. I am pretty sure it will get postponed again because the court investigator does not want to make a decision. The case was continued last time because the investigator had not received the police reports even thought he had two months to get them. If he had gotten them he said he was probably going to ask for a medical evaluation of the BF. So I am going to guess that if he got the police reports this time then he will continue the case this time for the medical eval. That is unless he finally realizes how sick the BF is by looking at the police reports and decides to terminate his rights. I only wish!

Good luck on Aug. 4th. Maybe this will be over soon. Try to relax and take care of that baby inside of you. You are in my thoughts.

[Jacqueline_38612]

Originally Posted by jsimon

I am familiar with your case because I have posted messages to you several times. Guess you didn't notice.

Anyway, I am 12 weeks pregnant. The added hormones don't make this any easier but I try to get through the days by letting the attorney do all the work and posting on this forum. It is so comforting to know that there are other people out there in similar situations.

Our next court date is on Aug. 14th. I am pretty sure it will get postponed again because the court investigator does not want to make a decision. The case was continued last time because the investigator had not received the police reports even thought he had two months to get them. If he had gotten them he said he was probably going to ask for a medical evaluation of the BF. So I am going to guess that if he got the police reports this time then he will continue the case this time for the medical eval. That is unless he finally realizes how sick the BF is by looking at the police reports and decides to terminate his rights. I only wish!

Good luck on Aug. 4th. Maybe this will be over soon. Try to relax and take care of that baby inside of you. You are in my thoughts.

No I know you have posted messages to me, I was putting that in there for the others that were reading that had posted to you also in the same situation, if they hadn't read about my situation yet. I totally noticed that you posted to me and that you had read mine. I seen that some of the people that had posted to you on your thread were new here and wanted to let them know about my situation with it being a little different than yours so they could maybe relate if it were like mine! Thanks for reading and keeping up with my situation. I hope only the best for you on the 14th! Hopefully the judges in our cases see through all the crazy games and people dragging these things out so far when theres really no need for it all. Since the 2nd court date which was July 7th, I have had contractions everyday! It's been so stressful on me to go through this and be pregnant at the same time. I try my best not to worry so much but it is easier said than done when it comes to your children! I'm only worrying alot now because its done to the last days before the real hearing, and I know that I giving BF his visitation back isn't going to do anything but cause the children so much confusion and he wont stand by what hes supposed to do anyhow! He hasn't in 4 years WHY would he now? The baby years are the greatest days for a parent to expierence, if you dont want to expierence those why would you want to at all? Just sick to think about how some people get away with this stuff! Anyhow! GOOD LUCK at court and I'll post an update on what happens for us on the 4th, maybe it will give you insight into your case on what to expect (a little anyways)! (It's a good thing you are early in your pregnancy dealing with this, maybe since you are already this far it will be over before the new baby comes, thats what I was hoping for but looks like it may not be being the baby is coming at the end of september!)

[jsimon]

I just got the statement from the court investigator which was filed with the courts.

He is recommending for the termination of parental rights! I am so HAPPY!

I hope this means our case can begin to be wrapped up. The only thing I am worried about is that the paper says that the BF wouldn't be able to see my DD because of his parole until 2011 which I am not sure is correct. I was under the impression that his parole was only for another 2 years. So I am afraid that if the BF argues that he can see her sooner than that that the investigator would have to start over, in a sense, Over a technicality. But maybe I am wrong and the investigator is right. I will mention it to the Attorney.

Anyway, the case wont be continued because of the investigator asking for a medical eval. of the BF like I was originally worried about, but I guess it could still be continued for some other reason. Maybe because those dates were wrong like I mentioned.

So, I feel like a small weight has been lifted. You should have seen me reading through this paper. It went through all of what was said in his interviews and what the police reports said. I was shaking the whole time, like "okay get to the good stuff. What is the recommendation!" Anyway 17 pages later, he recommended for it and a lot of it has to do with the BF's story being inconsistent with the police report. What an idiot to lie to the investigator. I hope the judge sees the same thing and this can all be over on the 14th.

I'll keep you all posted.

[Jacqueline_38612]

At least someone has some good news! I just want to wish you the best of luck with court on Aug. 14th! We go to court FRIDAY! YAY! Im excited but nervous at the same time because this should be the END! But ya know who knows whats next! Anyways good luck and I hope everything goes good for you and your family! And congratulations on the good news!

[jsimon]

I feel anxious to find out what is going to happen with your case on Friday. Hopefully it will be the last and you can move on with your life and concentrate on more pleasant things. Good luck to you!

[jsimon]

I posted this in CA step parent adoption too in order to get the most responses..

My attorney just informed me that he spoke to BF's court appointed attorney and he said that if they lose the case then BF has said he would appeal. They do not know if he would then have to pay an attorney or if he could still have a free attorney. Does anyone know?

I feel that if he has to pay one then that would deter him from appealing.

Also they want to discuss having mediation for an open adoption in order to avoid an appeal. We offered mediation at our last hearing but the BF declined which made my DH not want to offer it again.

I am really unsure of what to do.
Go ahead and hopefully win but may be forced to deal with a drawn out appeal case or,
go through mediation and have an open adoption.

[losing_hope]

I really am praying for you and your family to make it through this with a happy ending. I felt really relieved when the adoption went through and then my attorney said we had to wait for 30 days to see if the BF appealed it. I thought why should he have the right to appeal? He never showed up at the 2nd hearing. He had the 1st hearing postponed just so he could be present with an attorney. These cases aren't easy to sit and wait through they are stressful especially when you have a BF that likes to play games with the system and everyone included. I think the BF in your case will have to prove he tried contacting you. There is always the courts he could've gone to to get visitation. That is good news that the investigator finally gave his report of recommending the adoption. I know it isn't easy to stay calm and keep your mind busy from the case. I know it helped me along with posting and venting here. Please keep us updated on your case. God Bless You. I will be praying for you.

[Jacqueline_38612]

Originally Posted by jsimon

I posted this in CA step parent adoption too in order to get the most responses..

My attorney just informed me that he spoke to BF's court appointed attorney and he said that if they lose the case then BF has said he would appeal. They do not know if he would then have to pay an attorney or if he could still have a free attorney. Does anyone know?

I feel that if he has to pay one then that would deter him from appealing.

Also they want to discuss having mediation for an open adoption in order to avoid an appeal. We offered mediation at our last hearing but the BF declined which made my DH not want to offer it again.

I am really unsure of what to do.
Go ahead and hopefully win but may be forced to deal with a drawn out appeal case or,
go through mediation and have an open adoption.

I just wanted to give some information from my case, I know its not the same laws and things where you live and where I live but, at our hearing the judge said that he doesnt terminate parental rights unless someone else is there to take those rights. So they done the termination and the adoption all right there the same day/same hearing! So with the adoption being finalized that day the BIO dad can't appeal the judges descision! I don't know what the rules and laws are there with termination but I thought that if the judge took his rights he couldnt appeal it because what would there be to appeal? I mean they proove everything that needs to be prooven that day and if there isnt anything else he can use then its the judges descision right? I dunno, Im not real smart with the laws and things when it comes to adoptions! LOL Im surprised i got through our adoption! LOL So your lawyer doesnt know if he will get to keep his free lawyer? Why dont they know? Isnt that their job? Did you ask your lawyer what reason he would have to appeal if the judge took his rights? Im confused at why they would have the option to appeal! When you do find out more about this please post it so I too can learn of this! In the mean time take care of yourself and relax as much as you can, I think everything will be okay for you. I finally just gave up at the end with the worrying and said to myself, "Whatever happens happens, and GOD knows whats best for my children and surely he wouldnt let them be put where they didnt need to be! So from this moment I left it in GOD's hands and he seems to have worked a miracle!"
Anyhow, we are having my oldest daughters bday party this weekend and we have alot to do over the weekend to get prepared for it, and we have to go back to the OB dr on monday morning, So I just wanted to tell you now while I had time before you go back to court, GOOD LUCK! I hope everything goes smoothly for you! I will be praying for you and your family! Just let GOD do the work! Sometimes gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers! No matter what you love your children still in the end and no one can change that! Keep us posted! Sorry I couldn't be of much help with your question

[jsimon]

Originally Posted by losing_hope

I really am praying for you and your family to make it through this with a happy ending. I felt really relieved when the adoption went through and then my attorney said we had to wait for 30 days to see if the BF appealed it. I thought why should he have the right to appeal? He never showed up at the 2nd hearing. He had the 1st hearing postponed just so he could be present with an attorney. These cases aren't easy to sit and wait through they are stressful especially when you have a BF that likes to play games with the system and everyone included. I think the BF in your case will have to prove he tried contacting you. There is always the courts he could've gone to to get visitation. That is good news that the investigator finally gave his report of recommending the adoption. I know it isn't easy to stay calm and keep your mind busy from the case. I know it helped me along with posting and venting here. Please keep us updated on your case. God Bless You. I will be praying for you.

Well we are terminating his rights because he was convicted of a felony and that he is an unfit parent because of it. Not for abandonment. He was incarcerated so it is not considered wilful abandonment.

I am afraid he would appeal because he wants to argue that he was wrongfully convicted. He still says he didn't do anything even though it was his second offense. And we have to police reports to prove it. We just don't want this to be a long drawn out fight that gets us no where and we would rather spend our money on our DD then to our attorney for the appeal case which is more expensive.

DH and I have talked a lot and if we need to give him supervised visitation in order for DH to be her legal daddy then we will. We feel that it would be better for us to give him a chance to be in her life (with conditions of course) then for our DD to one day be angry at us for keeping him away. We are not sure that would be in her best interest if we did not give him a chance to be there for her. Then if he decides not to follow our conditions then we can terminate visitations and know that we did our best to give him a chance. So that is where we are today. Thanks for the advice.

[jsimon]

Jacqueline,
Thanks for your support. I guess I should be listening to some of the advice I gave you and calm down. I am afraid I am hurting the baby with my heart beating so much.

In CA they are not the same case. They usually do not terminate the B parents rights if someone is not adopting but sometimes they do if it is in the child's best interest. We filed the adoption papers with the termination papers but they do not go through at the same time. They give the BF time to appeal before they go ahead with the adoption. So how ever long that waiting period is, I think 30 days then the adoption is granted. CA laws are BS most of the time.

So long story short we decided to give him another chance at mediation and an open adoption agreement. We have our terms of course that he will have to agree to or we will just have to keep fighting him. Appeal or not.

We decided that rather than our DD ever being angry at us for keeping her BF away it may be best to give him the chance to be there for her. Then if he breaks our terms then we can stop visitation and feel better knowing we gave him the chance. We decided it will have to be supervised, by myself, and all visits will be at his effort and expense. And he needs to be off parole or he needs permission from his PO to see her. We also decided to stipulate that he is not to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and he can not break anymore laws. If he gets locked up again then visits will cease. We feel we do not need him in ours or DD's life if he can not be a positive influence. So that sums it up. He will either agree to it or not but this is the last time we will offer mediation.

[crabcakes]

Good luck with that Jess. I hope your ex doesn't have a big ego like mine. We gave mine plenty of incentive to want to consent -- multiple visitations, open communication, and even taking my DD to see him (4 hours flight), but bottomline - he is not interested in having a relationship with my daughter, just wants to keep his parental rights just in case one day, he is ready to be a parent. With a free attorney, he is just laughing at our attempts.

My agreement and stipulations were just like yours. I'm not sure if your attorney has changed his views on how winnable your case is, but we've been told by all 3 attorneys - ours, DDs and BFs - that we will win, but our judge has continuously favored the BF because despite obvious abandonment, he has flown in for every hearing and has always been professional and prepared.

I really wished I would have filed the petition in another state because I noticed that California is more strict and complicated. And particularly in L.A. county, the scheduling is just horrible! I mean -- I filed in 5/2005 and won't be going to trial until 12/2006. Just ridiculous...

Let's hope that your ex's attorney isn't telling him he has a chance of winning.

[jsimon]

Crabcakes,

Can you PM me the info on your attorney. Do you know if they do appeals?

He definitely has a big ego but we are really not sure what is going to happen on Monday. His Attorney knows that it's unlikely that he will win which is why he asked our attorney if we would offer to do mediation again. Both his and our attorneys are off today and when we met with ours last night he said that he never got in touch with his (phone tag). So we are unsure if the BF has even talked to his attorney yet since getting the investigators report. I am hopeful that he will not show on Monday but his attorney want to ask for a continuation so he can get the police reports.

Our attorney seems a lot more upbeat about things since the investigators report. He actually does not even want to go to mediation. He just wants to terminate his rights. He cant stand the BF...lol.

I will let everyone know what happens on Monday. I think I am going to avoid the board for the weekend and try to think of other things. DD when camping with my parents so DH and I have the weekend to our selves. I will be back Monday afternoon.

Have a good weekend!

[jsimon]

Well we are back. The BF agreed to mediation so now we have to wait for that to be scheduled. Our next court date isn't scheduled until October 30th. I hope to have mediation over and done with soon so I can eliminate some of this stress.

I get so worked up about going to court that when I get home I just want to go to sleep. The stress literally exhausts me.

I hope but don't count on the BF agreeing to our terms of open adoption. If he does then that will mean we know what the out come in court in Oct. will be. If he doesn't than we will have to go through the stress of waiting and hoping we prevail. And then he may try to appeal.

I briefly talked to his Mom while there and she says he just loves her so much. If he loves my DD so much than why doesn't he see that he cannot provide a stable secure home for her? Why doesn't he see that he has been unable to do anything for her thus far and that she is being well taken care of now. I wish he would just back off and let her be. He has never been in her life and has never done a thing for her.

Anyway, that's the update. Hope everyone else is doing okay.

[AJBs Mom]

Your right. If they loved them they would consent to the adoption. I know I told my bf that if he signed the consent we would still arrange visitation with him. He said no because the adoption would happen over his dead body. Well he didnt die and it all went through. If they really did love them they would be able to let them go.

By the way that form that gets filled out. the contact after adoption order. They do not hold up in court if fought. That is what I was told. I was told that you can agree on that but he really can not get you in too much trouble if you do not abide by it.