[Sadie'sMom]

Hi there,
I need some advice and thoughts on this situation.
I have 2 step children ages 12 and 9.
Our situation is very strange well at least to me.
When my husband married their mother she had a 2 yr old and was pregnant with the 12 yr old at the time. They both have the same Bio dad. My husband adopted the newborn but the bio dad would not release his rights to the 2 yr old. Fast forward a few years and they have the 9 yr old. When she is 13 months Bio Mom leaves them with my husband and does not come back. She has been gone a total of 8 years now with only a few visitations about 6 years ago.
The courts ordered that she was to have supervised visitation from 1-4pm on Sundays until she tested negative for drugs 4 times. Once a week for 4 weeks, and had complete 3 supervised visits in a 8 week time.
In January 2005 she contacted us wanting to do her supervised visitation. The court documents read that the visitation supervisor will be her mother or a mutually agreed upon supervisor. This was done initially because her mother testified in court that she thought her daughter was using drugs. Since that time mother and daughter had reconciled, and her mother called us in December of 2002 to let us know that they had and told us she would keep us posted. We did not hear from her again. Which was odd because previously she had visited the kids at least once a month. We felt that since she had not contacted the kids in 3 years she might not be the best supervisor, and chose to go with a state supervisor. We paid the fee, and set the location at a public place as that is the requirement for the supervisor. Their mother was a no show because she said it was not agreeable to her. She has not contacted us again regarding her visitation.
We have sent pictures of the kids, and cards from them on holidays. She has not paid her child support, does not carry insurance on them. Has sent 1 birthday present in 8 years. NO Christmas presents at all.
Then another wrench is that my husbands brother is married to her sister.
I want to adopt both children, but the 12 year old doesn't seem to thrilled about it. Which I am okay with. Is it possible to adopt only the 1 and also what are the laws for abandonment?
She has shown up unannounced at sporting events, and tried to see her son(12 yr) but walked complete past her daughter, not even acknowledging her. She brought her son a letter and card to a game, and nothing for her daughter. How can I go about doing this.
Will the fact that I have continued to send her updated school and sports photo's play against me? What consititutes no contact?
Please help me, I want to make sure that me supplying photo's to her and her mother does not in the end cause me more problems.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and been together 4.
Any info would be great. Thanks.


I also forgot to say that we have heard through the grapevine that she has done one drug screen and it was negative but did not do the others. She has really not made an attempt in our opinion to be in these children's lives.

[crabcakes]

I would first suggest having your husband just ask the mother if she would consent to you legally adopting the younger child. If she says yes, then all your problems are resolved and you won't have to terminate her rights.