[bella01]

We are in the process of my husband adopting my 11 year old son from a previous marriage. My husband and I have a 6 year old daughter together. My ex has been out of the picture for over 7 years without any contact with my son. My daughter does not yet know that her brother has a different biological father. The issue has never come up until now that we are doing the adoption. I always planned to explain this to her some day. Does anyone have suggestions on how to explain this to a 6 year old? In addition to this, my 11 year old son seems embarassed about the fact that my husband (whom he considers his dad) is not his "real dad" and seems a little squeamish about me telling his sister. Can someone please give me some suggestions??? Thanks

[crabcakes]

I think you are looking at this too much -- as well you should. I was concerned too and realized after much stress, that I thought up all the emotions that my kids were apparently feeling. First off, I wouldn't use the word "real", the relationship between my son and daughter, and their father is as real as it gets. I also wouldn't force anything. The adoption and feeling afterwards should be natural. I simply asked my daughter (whose being adopted by my husband), "do you love your father, well he loves you too and we're going to do whatever it takes to keep it that way. So we're going through the legal process to assure that we can continue to be a loving family." As far as the 7 year old is concerned, I wouldn't bother telling her until she gets older. I'm sure she loves her brother and wouldn't know any different. Why throw a wrench in it?

[cocomfs]

My dad adopted my oldest sister when she was 2. She is 6 years older than I am and my mom told me when I was 17. I never suspected a thing and to this day (20yrs later) could care less if my dad is not her bdad, I couldn't possibly love her more I didn't care when I was 17 either I loved her just the same.
collette

[bella01]

Thank you for the advice. I think you are right. Yes, my son loves his dad very much and wants to be adopted. The reason I am asking is because our attorney and I were talking about my home study. I mentioned that I wanted the person doing the study to know that my younger child had no clue about the situation. I wanted to be sure that she wouldn't say anything in front of my daughter. My attorney asked me when I planned on telling my daughter about this. So, now I have been questioning myself about not telling her. Ok, I won't worry so much. Thanks.