[motherofthree]

Have any of you had any experience with forgiving all past owed child support to get the adoption to go through the donor sent a message through our lawyer that although she has had absolutely no contact and has a history of abuse she will cooperate if we forgive all 13,000 of her never payed child support. There is no way its not about them oney as we could care less but after all shes done to them to go and say basically she will "sell" them

[aspenhall]

That is actually law here in utah...If you don't "act" like the parent you don't get the rights of a parent... that includes being current on child support. Since bdad wasn't current and there wasn't any feasible way to become current, AND he didn't show to court, rights were terminated..... I would count yourself lucky to have a bargaining tool!

[HMS30]

You need to be careful with this. In some states this would be considered buying the child. Support is a completely different matter.

We're in the process of doing this for the second time. The first time we made a verbal agreement with the bdad that once the adoption was finalized we would do whatever it took to get the support forgiven. You wouldn't believe what it took to get this done--more court appearances than the actual adoption! We were able to get everything forgiven except for the money he owed the state for the time she received assistance.

With the second one, the bdad wanted it in writing. We have a written agreement held by an independent third party that says we will forgive the support once the adoption is finalized. If the court were to find out about it, then they could reverse the termination decision.

It'd be best to find out what your state laws are before making any agreements.