[NatashaLynch]

There's certainly plenty of info on the web, but everything I've found either seems not to apply to me or is too general to answer my more specific questions. Maybe somebody here in a similar situation could give me a better idea of what I'm getting into?

I've been with my husband 4.5 years total, since our ('my', at that time) son was 2. They're now inseperable and my husband is getting increasingly nervous about the possibility of losing his little boy. We've talked about adoption for a long time but just never seemed to get around to starting the process. Maybe it's some unconscious fear on my part... what if BF wants to be difficult? What if we can't afford it? So I'd like to try and clear up my insecurities before we get into it.

History - I was 16, BF was 18. We weren't together when my son was born and he's not on the birth certificate. I vaguely recall reluctantly participating in an effort to get child support, as the state requires it if you are getting any sort of state/government assistance (medicaid and $$ as I was in school at the time). So I suppose somewhere there is a record of his name. I guess I was kinda hoping I could just say, 'well, his name is 'bob', don't know his last name or anything else, sorry'. I assume they're going to dig up these records? Other than that there's nothing tying myself and my son to him. We did live with him briefly (3 months) when my son was 1, in another state far away.

I'd really rather not have to involve him at all! This is impossible, isn't it? I know he lives in the area after bumping into a mutual acquaintance but otherwise haven't communicated with him in about 4 years. How much will they want to know and how much do I have to tell them? Does he have to be contacted, or is there any possibility of an automatic abandonment determination? I came across a state of fl document stating the laws re: notification and noted that our situation didn't fit any listed under 'other parent must be contacted if'. These were things like 'was married to mother at time of birth', 'is listed on BC as BF', etc.

Also, where do we start when seeking legal counsel, or could we possibly do this ourselves? We can't afford much! Are there any great sites anybody could direct me to?

My husband deserves this so much and I want so badly to see the happiness on his face when this is all done, everything official, and the relationship between him and a little boy who is by all rights and purposes his son is utterly and unquestionably complete and concrete! I hate the sad fear I see in his eyes whenever this comes up!

But the thought of stirring up a currently calm can of worms freaks me out equally. What if?

????

Thanks in advance!

Mrs. Lynch

[tgage]

Natasha - I did my own step-parent adoption over 1-1/2 years ago and I'm glad it did it by myself. It took a great deal of research, but I learned alot and started a new career as a paralegal.

Anway, if you want to do it yourself, start with finding the closest law library and get yourself a bunch of nickles for copying. There are also a lot of online resources (laws, forms)

The basic process any any adoption (each state is different, of course) is:

1. Petition/Complaint - this is were the person adopting files the "I want to adopt" paper with the court - this starts the process.

2. Notification - there will be a list of people that have to be notified about the pending adoption. Note, if you can't find someone who needs to be notified, you can often get an order signed by the court to notify the person by publication (newspaper).

3. Consent - also, a list of those that have to give their consent

4. Background checks, criminal records, homestudy, etc... Check the law for what needs to be done here. Some states have a limited set of what needs to be done for step-parent adoptions.

If there are no contests in the adoption (the state, the absent bio-parent) then you can proceed on to the final hearing. At this hearing you'll usually have to have prepared some kind of order or something that the judge will sign saying that the child is adopted.

The problem with doing any adoption pro-se (representing yourself) is that all adoption records are sealed, so it's harder to get examples of what the pleadings and such look like. But, check with your local law library for sample forms that may be produced by a legal aide society - they're usually part of a "domestic" set of forms.

The first place to start is to find the specific laws in your state concerning adoption and print them off - start reading them and highlighting - be sure to read CAREFULLY as the change in just one word can mean a world of difference.

Good luck!

Tim

[JJensen]

We are currently going through a step parent adoption in Hillsborough County. The laws for Florida's step parent adoptions have changed a lot in the last couple of years.
You can do it on your own, but it will need a lot of research and you will have to contact the bio-dad. If you need any help feel free to email me at bkjense@hotmail.com, I can tell you more about what we have done so far. We will be turning in more paperwork on Wednesday, May 18th. So I'll know a little bit more after that.

[beccalina]

Very helpful! Thank you SO much!!