[dnger296]

Hello,

I want to adopt my fiancee's son a 14 yr old Bi-polar child. I know it may be simpler to wait until we are married before I start the process. However I want to go through the process and be able to hand him paperwork etc. on our wedding day (planned for October next year)

His birth father is NOT in the picture and legally is not allowed anywhere near him (within 5 miles) We have been living as a family for the last year.

Where do I start? Do I need a lawyer (money is an issue) Who do I talk to??

Any advice gratefully appreciated. Thank you.

[Mom2J]

In most states, to adopt a child as a step-parent, there is a minimum time frame for being married. I've never heard of any state allowing a "significant other" to adopt a child before marriage. (Now, I could be wrong, but I haven't heard of it.) My suggestion for you would be to contact a family law attorney and one that specializes in adoption. They will be able to give you the correct information regarding adoption in your state and all of the requirements that it will entail. I think it's a very wonderful gesture on your part and I wish you luck.

Mom2J

[farmgirl73]

In my case, we live in Missouri and my husband wanted to adopt my daughter. We had to wait 6 months from our wedding date to file the paperwork. We could have filed before then, but we still had to wait for 6 months after we were married for anything to begin to happen. We got married in September of 04 and now we are waiting on a court date. Our lawyer was very helpful in getting things ready for us. I recommend atleast talking to a lawyer for if nothing else, advice on how to do it right. Hopefully you can find one that is willing to work with you and maybe let you pay this out. Good luck and our prayers are with you that everything will work out in your favor.

[raven115]

You must be married at least a year before you can adopt your soon-to-be spouse's child. I am 15 and my stepdad is a jerk and (not saying you are too) my stepdad is adopting me behind my back and I can't do anything about it, so just make sure you ask the child if they would like to be adopted please!

[tarabendle]

Hi Gareth,

All states are different in their laws. I would also suggest that you might call your local Probate office. They might have some of the basic information that you are seeking.

Tara

[hubbsgirl]

I understand wanting to do something special during the ceremony - my husband and I felt the same way. But most states require that you be married anywhere from 6 months to 2 years before doing a stepparent adoption.

There are some great ideas for including the step child in the ceremony. In our wedding, my husband gave my daughter a ring and they exchanged vows stating that he'd be her father, be there for her, etc.

You can also check out Family Medallion (http://www.familymedallion.com/) for great products and ceremony ideas.

[lakimnafite]

I also said vows to my son when I married his father. I gave him a medallion, and he gave me a matching one. You can do something really special on that day, even if you can't finalize the adoption by then. Good luck!