[rastewartmt]

Thank God and thanks all of you who gave us advised and helped us along the way. I was amazed and encouraged by your willingness to share such personal information, even going so far as sharing your legal documents with our family to help us complete our own stepparent adoption without an attorney! Can't believe it's finally over but wanted to share the good news with you guys and let you know that it is possible! Those 6 months of paperwork seemed endless but our dream has come true! Rebecca.

[rastewartmt]

Now the hard part. . .how to tell our son. He's 7. My husband and I were married when he was 2--starting dating when he was an infant. He has no idea of any of this. . .we want to break the news gently and in a way that his young mind can understand. We don't want to wait until he's older and it comes as a huge shock--like in adolescence when he doesn't like us anyway.
We always planned on telling him once it was done and then having a big party to celebrate. We're going to get him some kind of meaningful gift with an engraving. Hopefully when he sees how joyful this is, he'll realize how special he is to our family and how much my husband loves him. They're already 2 of a kind.

I've read a lot of other's posts on this site about this topic and I have some idea--just plan on saying that someone else helped make him and that that person didn't know how to be a parent but his daddy (my husband) loved him so much that he adopted him and made him his own and wished he'd helped make him. Something along those lines. I'm looking for some encouragement and advice from those who've had to go through this. We love our son and biggest fear is the "real dad" expression. I plan on avoiding that word, or parent, or anything. Just plan on saying a person who helped make him--because that was his contribution. He's never been around. Your guidance is sincerely appreciated! Rebecca.

[tgage]

Rebecca,

My kids were older when I adopted them (10,11,15,16) and lived with and knew their bio-dad. We made a big deal about it and even celebrate December 11th as "Gage Day" - the day we became a family.

I would keep in mind that your discussion with your son will be not just a single "talk" but a series of discussions as he deals with his feelings. Expect that the first time you talk to him, he may not have much to say - perhaps even "Oh, yea, ok..." and then he'll run off to play.

Boys especially need time to think about things and process their feelings. That's a good thing for moms (and sisters too) to keep in mind.

This also may be a good time to include some talk about the "birds and bees" as you'll have to explain to him why he had a biological dad (and what that means) and now has a different one.

Good luck and remember that it will take him some time to process all those feelings.

Tim

[CSGray]

That is awesome! Many congrats to you and your family!

My kids are also older and are aware that their bio father deserted them. They are so anxious to start the new school year this August with their new last name! (Our adoption should be final this summer.) I agree with tgage on his suggestions.

And tgage, I LOVE "Gage Day"! That's a really awesome idea!

[rastewartmt]

For your words of encouragement. I did have the talk with my boy that same night. . .just the more family and friends I talked with, the more nervous I became. I decided it was like pulling off a Band-Aid, just easier to do it sooner than later. He took it very well. It's been a week now and he's only asked a few questions, nothing very specific like the bio's name or anything. He doesn't seem very interested in him (thank God!), mostly just curious about the facts and timeline. We're planning a HUGE BBQ with everyone we know coming and bringing him gifts to celebrate. He's been helping plan that and has made a countdown til the party. I think all the attention he's gotten and seeing how happy this has made not just our family but our extended family of friends really makes it easier. I tried to emphasize how much his dad loves him and how special he is and he seems to have really gotten that. We seemed to have the best possible outcome with this. Certainly a lot of thinking went into exactly what I said. Thanks again for your words of encouragement! R

[tgage]

Yup, it sounds like you handled things great. There's nothing wrong with telling/showing a child just how much the people around him love him.

Be aware that he may have questions later on. My 12 y/o still has feelings/questions 3 years after his bio dad was out of the picture and 1-1/2 years after the adoption. Sometimes, he's even afraid to bring them up, but his getting agitated, angry usually brings them out.

Tim

[lakimnafite]

Yahoo!! Congrats!

We have shared what seemed like age appropriate information over the years. Right now, DS knows that he came from another womans tummy, but God made us a family. He knows that she loved him, but was not able to parent him.

As he gets older, the questions will become harder.... Oh boy!