[doing something]

Need to know. I adopted my husband's son after biomom terminated her rights three years ago. Now the bio mom wants to be part of his life, she has not seen him since 1999. She even snuck into his school to see him, can I get a restraining order?

[rights]

Yes, and I would get one before he could return to school. Do you have a picture that you could copy and pass around to the staff at your son's school. This is your child now and you have all the same rights as any other Mom. She sounds like she might be unstable since she went as far as to enter the school. I would be very concerned if I were you.

[doing something]

How would I go about getting one. Since restraining orders are for protection do I file under the fact that a stranger which she is was contacting my son, and hurt him?

[rights]

I would just be honest and tell the facts.

[doing something]

thanks so much for your help.

[doing something]

Does anyone know how and if the biomom could try to get him back after all this time, I need to be prepared.

[what to do]

I have a similar situation, except my son is not 19 and old enough to allow her into his life.

You should read my "What to Do" posted 5-4-05.

[Suzi1972]

Originally Posted by doing something

Does anyone know how and if the biomom could try to get him back after all this time, I need to be prepared.

With the adoption taking place such a long time ago her time to contest and appeal has long since run out. She is now a legal stranger to your child and until he is 18 you have the right to limit who is and who isn't around him and in his life.

Get the restraining order, and make sure the school has one. If for any reason whatsoever they allow her back in the school or precautions are not taken and she does get back in hold your ground with them. This woman has no right to see him or to any information without your consent.

The other thing that needs handled is making sure that your son understands what is going on and why! My husband adopted my children last year. They were 10 and 13. My husband and I had been together since they were 6 and 9. They had not seen their bio in almost three years or spoken to him in over two. They remember (at least the older one) life when we all lived together. The adoption was final in June and in November he decided to send my youngest son a few b'day cards (his b'day is in Oct). This was more so to let me know he knew my new address and to get to me rather then for the child. I did show my son the cards, and spoke to each of them separately about it. I explained to them that I would not allow contact because of his past behavior and it was not in their best intrest. I have promised them both that when they are 18 or older I will do what I can to help them find him if they would like. We still have contact with his sister but he doesn't as she lets me know where he is so he could heaven forbid support his children. Now it's just a matter of pretending he doesn't know about the adoption.

Adoption doesn't wipe away biology and in cases where they remember life with the bio it's harder. They wonder why or how someone could just walk out of their lives and not give a rat's you know what about them and yet someone else can walk in and treat them better then the person that helped make them. Eventually if nothing else they will want answers. I have seen cases time and time again of parents walking out on their children and returning when they are adults. Generally the children, who are now adults, accept them and 'forgive' them in a sense for the past and have a cordial relationship with the parent. As the bio mother who never even considered walking away from my children I know this is something I will have to wrestle with later in life. I can literally say I HATE my ex. Not for what he did to me but for what he did to my kids. Those same kids will go looking for answers and although they probably won't buy the explinations they are given they will accept them.

The point is to delicately handle it with your son and explain that right now this is what you and your husband feel is best for him. Explain that you understand that he may not agree but that right now he needs to concentrate on his school, friends, sports.. etc.. all that comes with being a kid. He shouldn't have to worry that someone is going to come in and disrupt that.

[carolD1968]

Originally Posted by doing something

Need to know. I adopted my husband's son after biomom terminated her rights three years ago. Now the bio mom wants to be part of his life, she has not seen him since 1999. She even snuck into his school to see him, can I get a restraining order?

YES! YOU CAN. I HAVE TWO CHILDREN I WENT THOUGH THE SAME CRAP. THE BIO MOTHER HAS NOT SEEN THEM IN OVER SIX YEARS AND DOSE NOTHING FOR THEM AT ALL NO B-CARDS NO CHRISTMAS NO ANYTHING SHE LEFT THEM AT A BUS STAION IN HOUSTON TX. IT WAS HARD ON MY SON.BUT WITH A GOOD DR. HE IS GRATE NOW. HE WAS ONLY 4 AT THE TIME AND REMEMBERS EVERTHING. AND MY BABY WAS ONLY TWO SHE REMEMBERS NOTHING. GOD BELSS YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU SON YOU ARE HIS MOM