We are in process of my husband adopting my 7 yr old son.We go to trial next week for Termination of Rights for his birth father.He hasn't seen our son for almost 6 years,basically the entire time I have been with my husband.This is the father he has known and bonded with.The birth father has never contacted in any way the entire time, until I contacted him about consenting to the adoption.Now he's fight it.I have received little or no child support up until 2002 when he was charged and convicted with felony failure to pay child support.Now I get some-what regular child support payments due to a wage garnishment.Under Michigan Adoption Code,you have to requirements to meet to terminate parental rights:2 years or more of no contact and 2 years or more of non-substantial support.Please tell me that just because of his being forced to pay due to the felony that it's not enough to stop this adoption from happening!!My son is counting the days until we see the judge.He has no idea everything else that's going on.He's been in therapy for the last 2 years trying to understand why his birth father didn't want to see him.He's bonded with my husband and often calls him dad.He says that he wants to make sure that the judge says it's ok before he refers to my husband as dad all the time.I've petitioned senators and house reps. to review the adoption code in our state because due to the new child support enforcement laws in place, we would never have the requirement for failing to pay child support met.I've even written the governor.Does anyone have any words of advise?

[sharky8mup]

i will be hoping for the best for you and your family! have you ever appeared before the judge who will be hearing your case, or do you know anyone who has? sometimes it is comforting to know how a judge has made decisions before...lets hope your judge takes into account the bf's voluntary actions more than anything that was enforced upon him. i've read such stories in this forum else where.

Oh, I forgot to mention the part about the judge.He's new.I mean REALLY new!!He's newly elected and just officially took the bench on January 10.He was an attorney in our town for years and has a good rep for his committment to family.Let's just hope his committment envolves keeping mine where it is and not doing emotional damage to our son.

[sharky8mup]

wow! well i really hope the new-ness works in your favor, after all, you are your sons' family, the only family he's really known! we had a sort of similar situation. i got married when my daughter was 4, almost two years later her bfather decided he wanted to be involved in her life and sent us letters from lawyers for vistation... we held out for six mo. with lawyers writing letters, and finally went to court where they gave him vistation immediately(after no contact from ages 18 months-6! he came to visit about 6 times (he lives 5 hrs from here) and fought in court to have us have to bring her to his town for a visit once every 3 months. we had to go once, and then he called and asked for the adoption, as the travel and child support etc was too expensive for him... it definitely showed where his values are! a week after our adoption went through he called to ask if child support obligation was finished, and didn't ask to speak with her, or even how she is...nothing! i couldn't believe it. hope your judge can see the true colors of this guy. i think it also helps if you keep records of exactly when he has last seen your son, when he has payed child support, and how much he has not payed (his arrears). do you only have one judge in your county? (because if you are not comfortable with him, you can request to be heard by another)

Sounds like your situation turned out for the better.I'm gald to here it.I'm just sorry you had to go through what you did to get there. I've kept records of everything that's gone on w/ our case.My own notes of all the missed visits when he did come around and all of our court papers in between.I hope it helps.I'm extremely nervous!!I'm not sure how this judge will act on the bench.He's the only probate judge we have now.The other way we'd get another judge is if ours is sick we'd get the district court judge who already thinks this guy is a loser.He handled all of the show cause hearings for failing to pay child support.We tried to get it heard in front of him to begin with, but he's not probate.I guess we'll just have to wait and hope for the best.

[Farrelite]

I really hope everything works out for you. I am in the situation. Please let us know how it goes! Good Luck!

[travsmom]

I am in a similar situation to yours, my husband and I petitioned my son's bf last fall to terminate his rights, he hasn't seen my sonby his choice for over 4 years and he is only 5. (keep in mind the bf lives 2 miles away and we have seen him several times in public and he does not even acknowledge my son) He pays his child support but only because he has has such a bad criminal history and is trying to stay out of trouble. When we went to court in Nov. we reached an agreement for him to seek counseling to help him with a drug and alcohol problem before he could have visitation and if he agreed to this counseling we would dismiss our termination case. Well guess what, it took him three months to even sign this court stipulation which was mailed to him in November, and he now says he will not follow the reccomendations of our counselor because he feels his drinking and drug problems have nothing to do with being a parent. So we are now going to refile our paperwork and start back at square one, only now he has this counselor who is completely against him having any rights either. I feel so optimistic now, but it seems like once you start with court your hopes get dashed so easily.

[MichaelAndPet]

My husband and I have been married for 4 years/ together for 6. I have a soon to be 12 year old son from my previous marriage.

My exhusband lives 5 hours driving time from here. He has had an off again/on again relationship with my son now for the last 3 years and its only gotten worse.

We hired an attorney in May 2004, after it had been well over a year with no visits, no christmas, no birthdays etc...

The sad thing is that my husband works for an airline and we fly to an airport (for free mind you) only 15 miles from y ex husbands home, and he still doesn't call or email or anything to set up a time to see my son.

My ex has decided to contest the adoption.

It is a strange case as the DCFS is FOR the adoption and yet the guardian ad litem is NOT. She feels we need to give my ex another chance (actually this would be chance #3) at trying to be a good father, staying in contact, paying support etc...

After the first hearing, almost two months lapsed with no contact again...not even a card/letter/email, anything to my son.

We had another hearing (the big adoption hearing) February 14, 2005. The Judge asked my ex herself..."If the adption did not go through, what would you be willing to do to have a relationship with yur son, to see him etc...?" his answer... "Well, I'd just have to try".

Our attorney handed the Judge some copies of some other court cases that were similiar to ours, to show the judge that the adoption DID in fact go through.

Today is February 25, still not one call or anything since court ended.

The Judge is supposed to make her final call one day next week, around Feb 28th. She wants to review everything that was testified in court along with any court case findings that both lawyers feel needs to be brought to the attention of the judge.

My son does know who his biological father is, and we are even trying for an open adoption so that as long as my ex wants to see my son, AND , my son wants to see him...we will work it out for them to visit each other.

We are not trying to stop them from seeing one another (My ex has done that all on his own over the years) we are trying to preserve our sons future, especially if anything ever happened to me, I need to know that he would still be with my husband, Michael and living the lifestyle and the way of life that he is accustomed to living.

We are doing this in the best interest of my son

[MichaelAndPet]

Well today is February 28th. Both lawyers were to have all legal law cases for the Judge to review in her hands today.

Hope to hear some good news before weeks end
How great would that be, seeing that Zachary's 12th Birthday is March 7th

Michael and Pet

[MichaelAndPet]

Well..... the decission wa made...the Judge declined the adoption.

Our lawyer called yesterday and and is putting the papers she received in the mail to us.

We do not know why the Judge said no to the adoption...but obviousely the Judge feels it is in our sons best interest to continue to have this roller coaster relationship wth his biological father.

Our son does not know the decision yet, as his 12th b-day is Monday and we didnt want to upset him before hs birthday. We will tell him Tues or wed net AFTER his birthday.

We have 28 days to wait before appealing.

Wish us luck

Michael and Pet

[crystaly]

I'm so sorry to hear about that. Your poor kid. It's so much harder when they understand what is going on. Maybe this will be a good thing and this man will actually start to be a parent.

So there was no contact and they still did not let the adopting go through?

[MichaelAndPet]

Correct He had not called, emailed, visited etc.. in almost 2 years. He hadnt paid any of his 50% of co- pays, insurance either... He is a totally dead beat dad with noone elses concerns but his own... and they did not grant it. We are waiting to get the papers from our attorney so we can see WHY the judge made the decision she did... meanwhile, Zachary will be 12 on Monday and we are going to wait untul after his B-Day to tell him

[MichaelAndPet]

Well.. We are going to appeal the Courts decision. Meeting with our attorney next week to go over the case again and see about getting some answers to our many questions.

Meanwhile, we are telling Zachary the news tonight
We think it is best to be honest but not to get into all of the details...

We are going to tell him that " The Judge has decided against the adoption for now, but that we are going to appeal the Courts decision and it might take a while, but regardless... we are still a family and things aren't going to change between us as a family."

Zach is now 12 (he turned 12 Monday March 7th) we will find outnext week from our atty if now that he is 12, if he will have to testify in court or at the very least in the judge's chambers behind closed doors.

Michael and Pet

[crystaly]

maybe it would have been better to wait till he was 12 to do it so that he could just give his consent.

[crystaly]

I also wanted to let you know that your family are in my families prayers. It's sad when a family is kept from being a family just becuase of blood relatives.