[hexxgrrl]

I have several questions regarding this issue, and hoping maybe some out there can help. I've been to many websites, looked up many codes, etc.

Here's our story...

I have a 7 year old daughter. She's the light of my life. Tho unexpected, her arrival was the best thing that ever happened to me. Her father however, was not so keen on the idea of being a parent. He was present for the birth, and is on her birth certificate. We were never married, but he never doubted that he was the father. We stayed together for about a year after she was born, then split up. He was very sporadic with contact, often only sending some small gift on birthday's or Christmas. When she was about 3, I asked that he stop trying to contact us. He did. We had a wonderful 2 year break from his flakey behavior. Then when she was 5, I got a call from him stating he thought he wanted to "try again" at being a dad. I asked that he seriously consider what he was saying as both of us were completely happy with NOT having him around. That was the last contact we've had with him.

Last year, I married a wonderful man who wants to adopt my daughter. She thinks of him as Dad and he considers her his daughter. Today we received the forms to fill out and file with our court in CA. They seem pretty self explanitory, but I have questions.

Birth Father and I never went to court to establish custody, etc. I've been told that I automatically have custody since I'm the mom and she's been with me since day one. We have had no order for child support. Frankly, I didn't want anything from him. If it wasn't for the DA's office needing to get involved recently, I'd have remained happy with not having contact or support. I honestly have no idea where he is now. I haven't kept in contact with any of his family and the last time he contacted me, he didn't give me his current address. Plus I've sinced moved from the last address he had for me. I have heard thru the grapevine that he was living in AZ, that he was moving to CA, that he was moving to WA.

We were told by the DA that if the step-father were to adopt, they would not go after the birth father for child support. This is what we hope to accomplish. But does anyone know the process if the birth father is MIA? He falls under the abandonment category as we've not had contact with him in over a year, but can we sever his rights if we can't find him? Is this normally a lengthy process? Our family is anxious to have this over with so we can go on with our lives, but I feel like we're in for a long battle.

[DianeS]

Step parent adoption is a much, much, much simpler process if the birth father can be found and willingly signs the papers relinquishing his parental rights and responsibilities.

In this day and age, it's really easy to find someone. After all, you have his full name, at least one former address for him, possibly a previous employer's location, possibly some family's former addresses, etc. If he's still out there using the same name and same social security number, he can be found.

But if he's truly MIA, you'll probably have to get a lawyer involved. You'll have to show you made a diligent search, that all leads led to dead ends, that you followed whatever publishing in newspapers your state requires, that you've brought whatever proof of abandonment your state requires, etc. It's not usually a long process, but it's more expensive and is somewhat longer because of the wait for court dates. If he doesn't sign voluntarially, it's a court judge who has to terminate his rights.

So if I were you, I wouldn't think about abandonment proceedings just yet. Call up the members of that "grapevine", try old family telephone numbers, talk to your lawyer about hiring a Private Investigator. It can probably be done, and with less expense and time than the abandonment procedure.

Good luck!

[hexxgrrl]

Thanks for your help! I personally don't have any old contact information, but I'll see if the people that were feeding me leads do!

[Kallen330]

If you are in CA filing under Fam. Code 8604 should work well in your case. It is easier than filing under the 7800 codes.

In doing the dilligent search, do not forget to keep a log. Who you called, when you called, what you asked.

Notice by publication has to be done with the approval of the judge. They have forms and instructions at the court available for service by publication. Also, check with your local law libraries, you can also access many law libraries on line. Some law libraries even offer assistance from a librarian via chat or email. They are a fantastic source for information.

Good Luck!!