[Jolie29]

Hello,
I am looking for some advice and opinions on my situation. Thanks in advance.

I have been a single mom since the age of 15. I had two children, same father, never married and he disappeared over 9 years ago and never paid child support. My two children are now 13 and 12.

At the age of 24 I had another baby, a baby boy who is now 4 (will be 5 this July) . My husband and I have been married for over a year. This september, it will be our 2 year anniversary and my children love him to death. He is the truly a wonderful husband and daddy.

A little background info:
My youngest sons bio father, when i told him i was pregnant, told me that he would help out whenever he could. After that, I didn't hear from him again and he refused to give me a phone number to reach him. The reason for him not giving me a number, I found out was because he already had a pregnant live-in girlfriend.

I didn't hear from him until after I gave birth to my son. He and his girlfriend called me and asked if they could come see the baby. I said okay and they came by for a short visit. During that visit, the bio father tells me that he will sue me for custody if I don't buy our son "brand name clothing", he said he would "kick my butt" (literally) and made other crazy threats. I asked him and his gf for a phone number so that I could contact them and they refused to give me one and said that if I put in an order for child support, that they would sue for custody because he has 5 other children by different women who are all wanting child support that he is not willing to give.

I never heard from him again until a few months after when I ran into him while driving and I told him that he was not the father. I realize that was a mistake on my part but I felt cornered.

A year later, he contacts me and asks to come see our youngest son and talk rationally. I said okay. He came by with his girlfriend and we sat and talked about what we wanted to do. How he was planning on visiting etc... At this time, I made a mends with him and explained to him why I told him he wasn't the father and he said he was sorry., that he was stressed out at the time and didn't mean anything by it.

At that time, I again asked for a phone number and address so that I could contact him because I was moving. He and his girlfriend became upset, said NO and walked out. That was the last time I had heard from him.

In October of 2002 I moved out to California and married my husband and have been living here ever since. In February of this year, the bio father contacted me again. He got my phone number from my sister and he and his girlfriend yelled at me the entire conversation. He was upset that I left the state without telling him. I let him know that he gave me no choice and that I couldn't hang on to phone calls whenever he got a wild hair up his butt to care about what was going on. I have a life too and taking care of my children are what's important. I even reminded him that he refused each time we spoke to give me a phone number and address to contact him.

I tried to talk to him civilly but all he wanted to talk about was why I told him he wasn't the father, why I left the state or Florida "without his permission" and towards the end of the conversation he threatened to kill me if I ever went back to Florida. This scared me because I know he is capable of hurting people. He has a criminal record and possibly has served time in jail from what he and his gf explained to me during their visit a year after my son was born. He told me that he would be moving to New York sometime within the next 3 months.

I wished him well and hung up. The Monday following that conversation, I contacted the child support office here in California and gave them him phone number and let them know everything he said including the threat and asked them to not continue searching for him for child support.

I am not too clear on the adoption process. We are planning on hiring a lawyer to get the process started but I am very afraid that the bio father could come out to CA and follow through with his threat on me or at worse, fight for custody for my youngest son. I don't want to lose him but this is a huge fear of mine.

I did do some research and found that the bio parent would have to not have contact or supported the child in over a year in order to consider it abandonment. My question is this:

Is this situation considered abandonment eventhough he did call me 3 times in almost 5 years? He never paid child support. Never bought anything for my son - Nothing.

As far as I know, he is living in either florida or new york and i am here in california. in order for the adoption to take place, would i have to ever go to florida if he were to contest the adoption or whever it is that he's living?

The bio father for my older two children has been gone for over 9 years and i am not worried about him at all. as far as i can tell, that case would probably be considered abandonment.

Thanks for your time and help.

[Mom2J]

Jolie29, here is a link to the California's Family Code laws....
http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/ca...ebody=&hits=20

Now, what I do know, is that if the child resides in the state of California for 6-months, then the child is a resident of that state. You will have all proceedings held in the child's home state. You won't have to leave it for any hearings, even if he contests. He will have to go to California.

I tried to get some answers for you, but it seemed quite the daunting task. He has a history of not supporting the child, so I would think it wouldn't be too difficult, especially when the birthfather hasn't allowed you any contact information.

Definitely contact an attorney. They'll always be able to give you the best advice on how to proceed. Good Luck and let us all know how it turns out.

K.

[littletanzy]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much. I looked up some California laws for you. These come straight out of the before mentioned California Family Codes, and also includes some previous cases. They may help provide a little more information. Here goes:



¡× 7822. Abandoned children; right to action; declaration of abandonment

(a) A proceeding under this part may be brought where the child has been left without provision for the child's identification by the child's parent or parents or by others or has been left by both parents or the sole parent in the care and custody of another for a period of six months or by one parent in the care and custody of the other parent for a period of one year without any provision for the child's support, or without communication from the parent or parents, with the intent on the part of the parent or parents to abandon the child.

(b) The failure to provide identification, failure to provide support, or failure to communicate is presumptive evidence of the intent to abandon. If the parent or parents have made only token efforts to support or communicate with the child, the court may declare the child abandoned by the parent or parents.

(d) If the parent has placed the child for adoption and has not refused to give the required consent to adoption, evidence of the adoptive placement shall not in itself preclude the court from finding an intent on the part of that parent to abandon the child. If the parent has placed the child for adoption and has refused to give the required consent to adoption but has not taken reasonable action to obtain custody of the child, evidence of the adoptive placement shall not in itself preclude the court from finding an intent on the part of that parent to abandon the child.



6. Abandonment, generally



Elements of abandonment are delineated as follows: (1) child must be "left" by parent in care and custody of another person for a period of six months; (2) child must be left without any provision for support or without communication from parent; and (3) parent must have acted with the intent to abandon child. In re Jacklyn F. (App. 3 Dist. 2003) 7 Cal.Rptr.3d 768, 114 Cal.App.4th 747. Infants 157



In order to constitute abandonment, there must be an actual desertion, accompanied with an intention to entirely sever, so far as it is possible to do so, the parental relation and throw off all obligations growing out of the same. In re Jacklyn F. (App. 3 Dist. 2003) 7 Cal.Rptr.3d 768, 114 Cal.App.4th 747. Infants 157


Proof that minor child was left voluntarily by parent with another, without any provision for his support or without communication from parent for a period of one year, and with intent to abandon the child is necessary to establish "abandonment" sufficient to warrant declaring the child free from parental custody and control. In re Welch (App. 2 Dist. 1951) 108 Cal.App.2d 466, 238 P.2d 1031. Child Custody 68

9. ---- Presumptive evidence, intent

Failure to provide identification or support, or to communicate, is presumptive evidence of intent to abandon child. In re Baby Boy S. (App. 4 Dist. 1987) 240 Cal.Rptr. 60, 194 Cal.App.3d 925. Infants 172


17. Adoption


Finding that biological father intended to abandon child for whom he failed to pay support, although a necessary prerequisite to termination of his parental rights, was not prerequisite to finding that his consent was not required for child's adoption by her stepfather. In re Marriage of Dunmore (App. 3 Dist. 2000) 98 Cal.Rptr.2d 885, 83 Cal.App.4th 1. Adoption 7.8(5)


Natural parent has six months within which to refuse to consent to adoption and to reclaim child; but parental rights of birth mother who signs refusal to consent within six months may not be terminated on basis of abandonment simply because she initially contemplated adoption and placed child with prospective adoptive parents. In re Baby Boy M. (App. 4 Dist. 1990) 272 Cal.Rptr. 27, 221 Cal.App.3d 475. Adoption 7.6(3); Infants 157


18. Token efforts


Sporadic efforts of parent to communicate with child or communications which took place only when legal action was threatened may properly be found to be token only for purposes of determining whether there has been an abandonment. In re T. M. R. (App. 1 Dist. 1974) 116 Cal.Rptr. 292, 41 Cal.App.3d 694. Child Custody 469


19. Detriment to child


Subdivision (a)(1) of statute dealing with abandonment of child, with result that adoption is permitted without father's consent, does not require that the finding of abandonment be accompanied by finding that continued contacts with the abandoning parent would be detrimental to the child. Adoption of Michael D. (App. 6 Dist. 1989) 256 Cal.Rptr. 884, 209 Cal.App.3d 122, review denied. Adoption 7.4(2.1)


25. Evidence--In general

In determining whether father had abandoned child, so as to permit adoption without his consent, court could consider period of time prior to adjudication of father's paternity. Adoption of Michael D. (App. 6 Dist. 1989) 256 Cal.Rptr. 884, 209 Cal.App.3d 122, review denied. Adoption 7.4(2.1)