[Jill]

I'm new to the site and have a situation that is somewhat bizarre. I have gotten remarried and my husband would like to adopt my two children. When I was married to their biological father he signed away his rights to a child from his first marriage and allowed the child's stepfather to adopt. (Trust me, he's better off) Now, my situation is kind of strange because he isn't behind in child support and carries insurance on the kids. It took one court date to threaten him before he would pay the kids and almost a year to get them on his insurance at his job. The thing is, over two years ago he telephoned to say that seeing the kids was too stressful. He threatened to "stay away and they'll never hear from me again." As if that was a big disappointment. He's an idiot so he thought that if he didn't see the kids he wouldn't have to pay them either. My husband loves these kids. They came home every other weekend unhappy and feeling ignored. (That is when he didn't call on Saturday morning at the crack of dawn to say he couldn't handle them.) They are both under ten. Our youngest has a few medical problems that we have dealt with, without any help financially or otherwise from the BF. Do you think I still have a chance at an abandonment charge? Even if I don't the BF would probably jump at the chance to rid himself of paying support. Paperwork says we have "joint custody" which to me is laughable. Any response would be greatly appreciated. God Bless. Jill

[DianeS]

Why don't you just ask him if he'll sign away his parental rights? If he will, that's the simplest way to do it. Why have a court fight if you don't have to?

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I dont think the judge would terminate. It is NOT legally abandonment. I agree with the above person...you will probably have to ask him to sign his rights over. Good Luck!

[threeandmore]

Your best bet would probably be to ask him to voluntarily give up his rights. If I understand correctly, he hasn't seen the children in 2 years, but he is paying support and providing medical insurance? I think the exact laws on abandonment & child support vary by state, but chances are if you went the abandonment route and he showed up in court to contest, the judge probably would not terminate his rights. I think it would be a very tough battle for you if he tried to fight the adoption, so you might as well try to ask him directly (and of course mention the no-more-child-support angle). Good luck.

[yandjlather]

I'm sort of going thru the same situation. Only my children don't even go see their bf on the weekends. It was always a pain for him to pay his "duty" of childsupport. The kids and I finally got him to agree to sign his rights over to my husband. Meet with the lawyer this afternoon. Good luck to you. I understand completely what you're going through. Would love to keep in touch with you to see how things go. ylather

[tgage]

Well, it does depend on what the laws are in your state, so it's worth checking with a family law attorney. In my state, Utah, abandonment is one way to approach the issue with the absent birth-parent, but Utah has a provision for the absent birth-parent being notified and then they have 30 days to respond. If they don't respond, the step-parent adoption goes on without their consent.

In my case, the bio-dad hadn't paid child support in about 6 months (and was $16,000 behind) and hadn't seen the kids in person for about 4 months. But, again this is Utah, because he never showed up or responded to the notice of the hearing, I never had to prove abandonment, only that I'd notified him, he had an opportunity to respond and didn't respond.

Tim

[CSGray]

Here in NC, we had to prove abandonment which meant proving no contact OR child support. And we had to try to contact him in any way reasonable, so I was put through having to attempt to contact bf's family (none of which would speak to me), attempted internet searches to locate him, attempted certified mail to notify him (came back not at that address no forwarding address), then public notice in his local paper. In court for termination of parental rights, my attorney had to show my court ordered custody and child support arrangement, had to show signed papers from the Clerk of Court that no child support was ever received, and I had to testify. We won, but I'm willing to bet if he'd contacted the kids in any way or paid any money, or if he'd shown up for court they wouldn't have terminated his rights.