[shelbyandtrent]

Hi everyone,

Well the social worker just called me to notify that my abusive ex is contesting the adoption. So my husband went down to the court house to see if they filed any papers but they have not. When the social worker called my ex he got his mother and she would not let him get on the phone and said call our attorney, we are not agreeing with this. The biodad has not seen my son in over 2 years my son is 4. We lived with my ex until he was 6months ols then my ex olny saw him 10 times or less in the next 1 1/2 years if that. The social worker says that the judge looks at the childs best interest.but now what do i tell my son, i dont think he will remember him at all but what if he does?? this hearing is going to be very uncomfortable? Any suggestions? Oh also because there is no papers filed with the court to contest what does that mean??

info please!!

thanks

[Luvmygirlz]

MY ex did the same thing when dh and I filed for our adoption. It was all a power trip, he called threatening me, called our attorney and told him I was lying, he even hired and attorney himself to try and fight it. When it comes down to it, the judge cares about the child, and your ex won't be able to lie about not paying support in court, well, he can, but with my ex, our atty asked ahead of time how he payed and he said with checks, but had no cancelled checks to show. We had to supenoa his bank records to show non support. You may also want to check and see, in my state, the bio father only had thirty days to actually file a motion to contest adoption with the court, and if you've been to the court house and nothing has been filed, it may be completely out of his hands. Good luck and let us know how it goes! I also explained what adoption was to our daughter, I just explained to her that while dh isn't her bio father, he loves her so much that he wishes her to be. She is 7, though and remembered her bf. Just take a deep breath whenever you feel overwhelmed and keep telling yourself you're doing this for your child, and and get on here and vent if needed, just reading the info here helped me a lot, we're all here to help if we can!

[Julia1969]

All I can tell you is hang in there. I have been a step parent to my babies for 5 years now. Their Biologial mom would not let me adopt them, she said "You will never get my babies" even though it has been almost 7 years since she has seen them. We have always been very honest with the children. There are four of them by the way. Ages 11, 10, 9, and 8. The oldest still remembers some things, but the other three have almost no memory of their mother. When they ask questions I answer them the best that I can, and I tell them I don't know why their mother is doing this. But today she called me and asked me to adopt them. I am so excited. Still shaking so sorry if I ramble. She is so behind in child support that she has been in jail two times already for it and just had another baby. She doesn't want to go back to jail again with having the new baby so she wants me to adopt them. We will sit down with the children at dinner tonight and explain everything to them. Like I said, just be totally honest with your son, try not to be mean at all towards your ex. around him, you be the good parent in this whole situation. When your sone grows up, he will know who was there for him and who loved him while he was growing up. Good luck and God Bless.

[Kallen330]

What ever the social worker writes in their report is usually what happens. The social worker's report carries a lot of weight. Have you gone to court yet for this? What state are you in?

[shelbyandtrent]

we are in california, no we have not gone to court yet. when we gothey said they do it all at once.

[Kallen330]

He can contest at the court hearing. I don't think you need to bring your son to that hearing unless it is specifically asked for by the judge. Call the courthouse on that one. It's best not to bring your child to that. I know that they did not want me to bring my child to court until the finalization hearing. The court clerks in that department will know if you need to bring your child or not, just call.

You do not need to tell your son anything unless you absolutely have to. He won't understand completely what is going on and if the court does not want him at the hearing (most likely they will not) he won't see your ex anyway.

Yes, it is uncomfortable. Your ex will be in the courtroom with you. You do not, however, have to let his mom in. She is not a party to the hearing. You can ask the baliff to keep her outside the courtroom.

Don't worry too much, it sounds like you have a good case to me. Be aware that your ex is entitled to an attorney if he requests one at the hearing. The court will appoint him one.

If you have the law and the social workers report on your side you don't need to stress yourself out overmuch.

[shelbyandtrent]

i live in california, yeah he got a attorney, the same one he had for our divorce. do you think i need one?? the deputy that did the investigation says no.

[Kallen330]

Then most likely you don't. That is what I was told by the social worker that handled my case(s) and she was right. We never needed an attorney. They will say if they think it is a tough case and you need one. If the investigator said no then the investigator feels pretty confident you'll win your case. They see these type of cases everyday so they know what they are looking at.