[MJT]

Here goes. X has not seen child in over a year(says it's my fault) I have tried contacting the x about visits but only get threats for a response. I talked to an attorney who said that the best thing to do is nothing, right now. He feels we need to wait a year until the child is a little older then let my husband adopt. We have a psychologist saying contact of any sort from the bf would be damaging to the child. There is a lot more to the story but my question is.: How hard is it to actually terminate the rights of a bf if they contest? I know that adoption is best and the child has ask about it many times. ( we avoid the topic with the child and change the subject). How hard is it to talk to your children about this? I do lnot want to get the child's hopes up only to have them crushed in court. Any advice.
Oh, and NO the x has not dupported the child in over 2 yrs.
According to my states laws the x is guilty of 1)parental disinterest 2)failure of reasonable efforts 3) failure to maintain contact 4) failure to provide support 5) child's best interest 6) no visitation with child in over a year.
Another question if x sends a card every 4 months does that count as contact with the child just throws it away without opening it?

[april79]

I have a 4yrd old that the bf don't have anyhting to do w/him. I put it to him that he will not have to pay anything else. You can even wave any back supp. he owes if he want to sign the papers!!!!!! I would go at it that way.
And who cares if it is contact by mail. Open it save it. Don't throw it away. So that when the child is older you can show him/her how the other parent was not the in person that this was the better way of life for them!!

[3girls1boy]

I really have no advice. I just want to urge you not to toss those cards. I would say "you got a card from X today- would you like to see it?" If child says no- which it sounds like he will- then put them in a box for when he is truly old enough to make this decsion. If x is as inattentive as you say, this may be your son's only way to know his bfather loved him and thought of him one day. I know thats hard considering the way X is acting. But adoptees often want to know something good even about the worst behaving birth parents. Good luck I am glad your son has you.
Lisa

[MJT]

Thank you for your responses. I have saved the 3 cards we have gotten in the past 16 months. He also e-mailed the child 2 times and I printed those out and saved them but my son refuses to read any of them. I have everything the x has ever sent him since we divorced in 1997. I know it might be considered a pak rat but I figure one day my son might want it. I would gladly give up all the money he is behind and would recieve in the future just to assure my son will grow up in a happy stable enviroment. The bond that my son and husband have is more than I could have ever dreamed possible. I thank God everyday for sending me such a great man.

[sue123]

I am the last one to give advice but I want to tell you that saving everything IS the best thing. Your right to think that the child will eventually want to see all of it. We would do the same thing if we had that opportunity. But he gets nothing to save. I posted something yesterday and I dont think I will be posting anymore. All I can say is there are so many loving step-parents out there and children that get adopted by them are so fortunate to have loving parents to make their family feel complete. God bless and good luck!