[angelw]

My ex and I were divorced when son was 1 yr old. Ex had history of drug/alcohol addiction and did not keep in regular contact w/son. I remarried when son was 2 and my husband adopted him when he was 7 (ex could not be located, notices were placed in newspaper. Ex was homeless at the time and living in the streets. Parental rights were terminated.) Ex’s mother and stepfather supported the stepparent adoption and we have maintained a friendly relationship with them until now.

Now, ex has completed an intensive 18 month residential drug rehab. Paternal grandparent’s want a relationship to develop between my son and his bio father now that he’s sober. My son (now 15 yrs) has no objection only because he loves his grandparent’s and they very strongly have encouraged this. I have no idea how ex feels about this because we have had no contact in over 12 years. He has made no contact w/me that he wants a relationship with son.

I tell paternal gp’s that son can make this decision when he is 18. Right now, I don’t trust ex’s sobriety enough to encourage any meeting. If all goes well, and ex and son want this to happen, I’ll talk about it. Right now, it’s all the gp’s idea and, IMO, they need to stay out of it.

I feel they will arrange a meeting behind my back. I don’t want to start a big court case because I won’t allow them to see their grandson anymore because of this. All I want is for them to respect our wishes as our son’s parents.

Any ideas, suggestions etc for me. (sorry so long).

[april79]

I think sometimes in a perfect world we would deal w/things when we want the time to be right. Unfor. this has all happened before the time is right for you. I understand that. My childs bi-father drinks too.
You son is 15 yrs. now that this is around, your going to have to deal w/it. It is a hard one becasue you don't want you son mad at you. SIt him down and talk to him about it. See if this is something he wants now or in 3 yrs.
If now, have gp have ex call you when son is not around. Play catch up w/him by yourself. Explain to him how your son has been raised and who he is and where is is going. If he cones in his life now he MUST respect that and supp it.
maybe let then see each other in pub place w/you and other parent(step father)
Hope everything works