[njschwartz]

I am a stepmom who dearly wants to adopt my two step daughters. I have been raising them for 9 years. I have been told by my attorney that it'll never happen as long as the bio-mom won't relinquish. Bio Mom has history of drug abuse, served time in jail for forgery, grand theft (just last year). She has not seen my 15 year old in 4-5 years and has not seen my 10 year old in 3 years. She has a history of skipping out on her visitation, and currently her visitation is indefinitely suspended. I would love to hear any related experiences from those of you in CA.
Unfortunately, those of you in other states, your laws are not nearly as cut and dried as California. Is there a way around this that perhaps I could enlighten my attorney with???
I'm all ears....

[cindy1971]

You can have the birth mothers parental rights terminated by proving abandonment. With abandonment, you only need to prove on of two things-failure to communicate with the children for 1 year or failure to pay child support for one year.

I have a hearing on Tuesday to have my step daughters birth mothers rights terminated and I am going to (try) to prove abandonment. She has not paid any support in over two years. I am fairly optimistic because she will have to travel over 400 miles for the hearing. And, since she doen't have a job and is a drug addict, I seriously doubt she'll show. (I'm keeping my fingers crossed!)

Get the book-Do Your Own CA Adoption-Nolo's guide for Steppparents & Domestic Partners. It has been very helpful to me.

Good Luck!

[njschwartz]

Thanks so much for your advice.

My daughers want nothing to do with their bio-mother. They will not accept phone calls, letters or cards from her ( which they shred if their really pissed off) or send back in the mail "refuse, return to sender." They asked us to type up a letter about 1-2 years ago and send it on their behalf, to bio-m to ask her to stop trying to contact them. We have made several copies of the original letter stating such, and send it each time Bmom sends cards (which is only on birthdays and Xmas)
My situation is that bio-Mother call 2-3 times, from jail, within past 2 years which we don't accept, lost her visitation rights 2 years ago due to her never showing up for visitation, AND that she finally got thrown in the pokey for criminal behavior.
She has a definite pattern of dropping out for a couple of years, then will reappear, but only briefly. She just started rearing her ugly head with birthday cards in Oct. and Nov. of last year. She doesn't care what the wishes of her children are, so in the last month, she has written 3 letters to my 10 year old, and 1 to my 15 year old. The 15 year old has not seen her in nearly 5 years. The 10 year old hasn't seen her in 2 or 3 years. Anyway, the girls shredded the letters and asked us to send her the letter AGAIN asking her to cease and desist. I told them that she doesn't care what they want. It's all very self-serving to her. Anyway, our lawyer is afraid that the 10 year old might feel really bad if I adopt the 15 year old. As I understand it, I can't adopt 10 year old without consent, according to said lawyer.
I am venting, but it's great to have someone listening and any advise I can get, I'll take! I'll get that book too! Thanks,Cindy19711

[biomom]

I say you should talk to a different lawyer. Has she paid support in the past year? I am in California too and the law is that it is abandonment if she has not contacted OR paid support in a year. So even if she is sending cards you can still terminate her rights. Good luck

[njschwartz]

Thanks so much for responding.

The lawyer we have has been working with us for 8 years, and finally by the 6th year was able to get visitation stopped. He and the CA court system, as you well know, is in FAVOR of birthmother's rights and it took an act of God to get the visitation stopped...and a savvy judge. Man, we went through 4 judges through the years, to finally find a female judge who saw the light. The case had gone to Children's Services too, due to drug abuse, and still they wouldn't stop visitation for the longest time.
Anyway, I am hesitant to have to start at ground zero with another lawyer. A new lawyer could completely gum up the hard work we have already done. Anyway, does it count that BMom, at time of divorce from my husband, was relieved of child support. My husband's reasoning was, "Why squeeze blood out of a turnip?" She is a deadbeat, and has NEVER sent one penny, even if she had the means. She's quite unable to hold a job, and at 37 still lives with/off her mother. Anyway, more suggestions? I'm all ears, really!

[biomom]

I tell you what, here is my e-mail amanda.schraff.hlvf@statefarm.com feel free to email me. I have 2 months left until I can start abandonment proceedings against my exhusband. He was/is a druggie too. He was arrested for meth use and I took him to court (no lawyer) and got sole legal and sole physical custody with him getting supervised visits.