[tdhraf]

My question is complicated. I will try to make it brief and will start from the beginning. I have a daughter born in 1994 and I am married to her mother (we split, reunited and married in 2002). I have another daughter born in 1995 and we will call her Merci. Merci mother put another man's name on the birth certificate. When Merci was 2 (in 1997) her mother contacted me (she was then living with another man whom she eventually married). She said that the man listed in the birth certificate was not the father and she thought I was. DNA said that I was. Merci has been living with her mother and the second man (now her step-father) since she was 11 months. At first, after learning of her existence, I did not see her but around 3 I started short visitation. She called me by my given name and her step-father was daddy. She is now 8 and is still living with the step-father and mother. I have not been able to exercise my visitation since January 8, 2003... over 14 months ago. From 1998 to 2002 I took her mother to court numerous to enforce visitation. She always promised she would do better and then after nothing happened to her in court she would keep her from me. I have already spent over $10,000 trying to enforce the Indiana Parenting Time Guidlines. Merci still calls her step-father daddy, even though her mother told me she would try to make her stop doing that. I haven't seen her in several months (phone calls / certified letters aren't answered) but when I did I was still called Rob or daddy Rob (this was my doing... trying to get her to call me daddy). Her mother has stated that she does not want me in their life, Merci has a dad, her step-dad. Even when I was seeing Merci, I was a baby-sitter, not a father. Her mother only wants child-support from me. I have a wife and 2 other children (a 9 year old and a 6 month old). I have finally realized that I will never be able to have a relationship with my middle child. She has known her step-father much longer than she has known me (thanks to her mother). I want to terminate my parental rights. They have mentioned before that they wouldn have the step-father adopt her but now that I am willing they refuse to even respond to my letters. Can I petition to have my rights terminated and stop paying support or am I just going to be continually in this situation?

[Eventually]

Most likely the step-father would have to adopt in order for your rights to be terminated, in which case child support would cease, however, it is possible that past child support would still be owed.

[BrandyHagz]

The best suggestion I have is to contact an attorney in your area who specializes in family law.

In most states, visitation is separate from support. Most laws state that you have a financial obligation to your child regardless of visitation.

Also, most states wont allow a voluntary termination of parental rights for a child not in state care, unless there is someone else to take your place, in this case, a stepparent.

I’m not sure how your custody agreement reads, but maybe you should go to court and file for joint custody so if she violates the order, she will be in contempt.

I agree, this child needs one or the other…or BOTH. If she doesn’t want to share joint custody, then ask her to pursue a step parent adoption.

Visitation or not, unless the step dad wants to adopt her, you most likely will have to continue to make support payments until the child comes of age.

Good luck!

[tdhraf]

Thanks for the non-judgemental comments. I was so fearful that I would get back hateful comments. As I said, I have sent certified letters to the mother and have heard nothing... UNTIL TODAY. I got a letter from her attorney and the step-father wishes to adopt. I can't be more happy. I know my daughter will grow up without seeing me or my other 2 daughters but at least she will feel 100% a part of one family (her mothers) instead of being torn between 2 families. There is a change that one day she will find me (we live in the same small town but have never ran into eachother). We hang out in different circles. My wife and I attend church regularly and pretty much stay home and take care of our girls. They are beer drinkers and live that lifestyle. I hurt to know that she is growing up with alcoholics but whether or not I am involved in her life she will have to live with that. As far as I know they do not hurt her, they just have a lifestyle that I do not agree with. Again, thanks for the feedback. TDHRAF