[CadensOthrMommy]

Hi everyone, I am new here. I am a 21 year old lesbian. My partner who is now serving in the military gave birth to our son, who is 13 months old. By some twist offate, his grandparents now have him (they took him away from me.) And I have no legal grounds to take him back. It also doesn't help thatthe step grandfather is a lawyer.

Agood piece of news is that the biological father has stated that he is willing to terminate his parental rights. I was thinking of doing either a step parent adoption 9since we are married--we did so inSan Francisco even though the validity of those documents is still in the air.) Or if not a step parent adoption, if the father couldsimply sign over his rights to me. If that isthe case, can this be done with just the father and myself? Or does the biological mother need to be present in court? Because she is currently unavailable due to military service.

This is the only way that I can legally regain custody of my child, and I am anxious to do it quickly. He was taken from me on Fenruary 27th and I know that is not a longtime, but he is only 1 year old and this is a very critical time in life for him, in terms of development and needing his mommy to be there. If anyone can offer help I would appreciate it.

While I do nothave any court documents I do have notarized Guardianship documents. But I was told that they are useless when confronting a blood relative, because the grandmother has rights by blood and all I have is paper and the factthat I've raised him from birth. What is the first step from here? I don't know the firstthing to do. Thank you for your help.

Janay

[c4sgurl]

I would tread very, very lightly, especially if your partner is fond of her career in the military. Despite the don't ask, don't tell policy, the military isn't any more accepting of homosexuals and lesbians than it was 20 years ago.

Other than that, not sure what to tell you. Good luck to you both.

[CadensOthrMommy]

Yea, I know. thanks for the warning. We we'rent planning to tell the military. well, I wasn't. she, on the other hand, thinks they are stupid and wants to showe them the marriage certificate so that I can get benefits. Says they won't look too closely at the name, and that the certificate itself does not mention a sex so how will they know? Ipersonally think it is quite risky, but others seem to agree with her, and shes the one who will go to the brig if caught. I will try to talk her out of it though. Or just hide the marriage license so she cant show them.

janay

[c4sgurl]

They probably won't pay much attention to the marriage certificate, but she will have to fill our dependency forms for you to enroll you in DEERs, which will ask your sex. At this point, I can't help but think that it'd be a bad idea for her to try it, mainly because her getting kicked out of the Navy (or Marines) would mean the loss of benefits for your son, including medical.

My husband and I have talked quite a bit about your situation (he's a retired Marine, and I'm a Navy vet) and neither one of us can really see a way out of the situation for you two at this point. Would it be possible for you to see an attorney? I think that would be your best bet.

Good luck to you both,
Traci

[PinkRibbon]

Have you tried to find a civil rights lawyer? I really hate to see people discriminated because of their sexuality. It seems like we're in the dark ages in that way.

[biomom]

Hey, I just heard on the news about them holding same sex marriages or something. How does that affect your marriage. Does it get to stay valid? I hope it doesn't affect you.

[CadensOthrMommy]

Woah, they did? I guess I shouldn't have been skipping the 10 o'clock news this week, huh? When did it happen? a judge issued a stay? That sucks, I didn't even know. And no, it doesn't affect me yet. It just means no more people can get married. If they try to take away the licenses they are going to have to have a case for each and every couple who was issued one. Trust me, we will fight back. I don't know what's going to happen, though. I guess we'll find out soon if they revoke them. Thanks for the info though.

Janay

P.S. No we don't have a civil lawyer--weare not goingto try to fightthe military policy regarding homesexuals if thats what you meant. if you meant do we have a lawyer regarding my right to keep my son in his biological mother's absence-no. I decided not to. She is the one who gave him to her parents, and I am not going to take him away. If she wants me to have him she better put that brain of hers to work & figure out a way to get home for a day or two so that she can physically remove him from her mother. I don't have the right to do that, only she does. After he is in my physical custody it will be harder for them to take him--impossible, really. he firstthing I'll do is get a restraining order & then I'll probably move for the remainder of the time his mother is in the military, to avoid them knocking my door down. But I don't foresee that happening b/c she is not setto get leave to come home for 6 months. The only way she comes home before that is if a spouse (im not recognized) child, sibling or parent is deathly ill or dead. So..unless we make something up, she's notcoming home and I'm without my son & our relationship is in the air. Sounds brutal but that's how I'm feeling these days. I wish I'd never married her.

[biomom]

I am so sorry you feel that way about wishing you hadn't married her. Be brave, it will get better. I am a firm believer in Karma. I only caught the tail end of the report this morning on the radio so I'm not sure of the details. A friend of mine went up to SF and married his boyfriend and I haven't been able to get a hold of him yet to see if all is still well with that. Custody cases suck, plain and simple. I am trying to have my husband adopt my daughter right now. I have a few more months to wait until I can file abandonment and people are starting to call me and tell me they have seen my ex here and there. It is so nerve rattling. Anyway, keep me posted on how you are doing. Sounds like you have a ton on your plate right now.

[CadensOthrMommy]

Ha Ha. I haven't posted a detailed story about HOW I lost him in the first place. That's a whopper of a story. I wouldn't regert marrying her except she is literally a compulsive liar and..just the ultimate betrayal. I love her but don't know that I can forgive her. She obviously did not take our marriage seriously to do what she did the very next day, so...I dunno. Things for me are up in the air. She thinks that saying sorry fixes everything, but it doesn't--it just makes me mad. I'm just confusing you, but if you wantto hear the whole story & If you have AIM you can IM me at FmblingTwrdXtacy

~Janay

[c4sgurl]

Janay, I'm so sorry you're having regrets. Military deployments are very, very hard, and it doesn't help to have extra stress piled on top of it, not to mention custody issues and trust issues. I'm not sure what to tell you, but if there's anything I can do to help you, please let me know.

Traci