[CadensOthrMommy]

Hi.

I have been looking for information on how to go about a step parentadoption. I am a lesbian and my partner gave birth to our son, now 13 months old. His father is now willing to terminate his rights. I was wanting to know if we could bypass the adoption and simply have the father sign over his rights to me. But that would still involve court time I'm sure. Any advice on how to go about this? Especially if the biological mother is not available to appear in court? (military duty) Thank you.

Janay

[Step2Adopt]

Im not an expert, but I believe most states require adoption in order for the rights to be terminated. This is so the child can have two parents.

It would be best for you as well in case you and your partner ever split up, you would still be a part of the child's life.

As far as you being able to do this w.o the child's mom, I dont know.

[CadensOthrMommy]

Thank you for that info, I didn't know that. Do youknow of anysitesI can go to to find out mo re information? The father terminates his rights & then I file for adoption, right? What does the court ask of me? What do I have to produce? Is there a background check, anything? How does the adoption proceeding work? I am clueless about pretty much the entire procedure. well, thank you for your help.

Janay

[CadensOthrMommy]

I had another question-when filing for adoption, who has to be notified of intent to adopt? Like would I have to tell the grandparents that i am filing for adoption, or is there a way that I could keep it from them until it was too late? They moved, took the baby & wouldn't give me their new address. I do however still have it but not because they gave it to me. So if I don't have their address as far as anyone knows, I can't notify them of anything, & they can't fight me on the adoption. Right? I dunno, maybe they don't have to be notified at all, anyway.

[Step2Adopt]

Im pretty new at this myself. Im going to be adopting my stepson soon.

As far as I know, you dont have to notify the grandparents. There may be a notice in the local newspaper saying that the father intends to terminate his rights and anyone with connections to the child will need to appear on such and such date.

I will know more about this as time goes by. However you do have an extra resource that I dont. Since you have an alternative lifestyle (I love that terminology, lol), you may be able to get some help/info from a gay rights board.

I will be speaking to our attny on the termination adoption proceedings next month. If you want, we could exchange emails thru Ims and report what we find out to each other.

[Step2Adopt]

Oh, forgot something, there is a background check on you, but for step parent adoptions they usually waive the home check.

[CadensOthrMommy]

Ok, that'd be great. I have AOL my IM & email is FmblingTwrdXtacy. You may send e-mails & reach me for anything there. Hope to talk to you soon.

P.S When they do a background check what exactly do they check? will juvenile records be looked at, or only adult records?

[Step2Adopt]

I dont have AOL, I do have MSN and Yahoo. A_Step_Ahead_2 and Howell_Mail respectively.

Once you turn 18 youre juvenile records are closed forever. Unless you have repeated offenses. Like if youre stealing something every 6 mos or so, they might have that listed in your adult record, but as far as most things go, juvie records close at 18.

Most of what they are looking for are sexual offenses and child neglect/abuse.

Unless youre a pedophile or a habitual kid abuser, I dont think you have anything to worry about. But thats IMO only.

I wish you luck.

[CadensOthrMommy]

oh. I don't have either of those, i got a virus on my comp a few months ago & lost all my programs and never downloaded yahoo messenger again. i guess i'll go do it now. ttys

[CadensOthrMommy]

YAY! I spoke with a lawyer today. He said that as long as MOM signs some paperwork naming me as guardian, that I can have my baby back before the end of April. One month. we can start the case in a week, to send her the things to sign, & it'll be another week before she can send them back, & three days after that we can get a court date & a court order. And the police will enforce it & get my son back. I am so happy I could cry. I am crying. I miss him so much, I have been trying to push it down 7 ignore it but I miss him so much. this is all such a relief. as long as Mom signs the papers....