[yngstepmom]

I love my future stepson with all my heart, and recently I've snuck on acting like someone else talking to the birth mom. ( I know I shouldn't have) Anyways I found out a few things I didn't want to. Like she has a drinking problem, and she's shot up on heroin, and she brings men over, and does things infront of her two kids, one of which is my soon to be hubbys. Now to the point is there anyway once I marry my man if I can try and adopt him, and use that in the case, I know she'll fight it with with everything she has, but I honestly feel it's best for him to be with us. I have nothing against her I've never said one thing out of the way, but she's not fit and proving something is harder then it sounds. Well hope someone replys.
Ty,
Jessica

[BrandyHagz]

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I will post at any rate.

Do I think you can use it against her? Well, no…probably not. I doubt your lawyer would want to submit evidence where you represented yourself falsely in order to get the information.

Now having said that, I will say, you lied to her, what’s to say she didn’t lie to you? It isn’t first hand knowledge…

If I were the stepmom in this case, I would report any abuse I suspected to the Department of Children and Families, or whatever the Child Protective agency is called in your state. If, in fact, the children are being neglected, they will be removed. At that point, you could pursue the options offered by that department…but usually when another parent is able to care for the children, there isn’t a termination of parental rights involved, it usually only involves an amendment to the custody order. Of course, this could vary by state.

Another option would be for the father to fight for custody, but this would be separate from petitioning for adoption. At least at that point, the child will be out of danger, if in fact, the court finds in favor of the father. Then, once the child is in his father’s custody, you could petition for adoption, and go from there.

Either way, if there is abuse or neglect in the house, the child needs to be removed, by either DCFS, or by court order of custody, as soon as possible.

[LegallyKim]

I agree with Brandy that if the child is being endangered, it should be reported and steps taken to prevent it from happening again. That should be the primary concern. It sounds like you do care about your future step-son (I'm assuming you are engaged to his father) but there is so much to consider here. She may be beating him daily, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the child is going to want to terminate his relationship with her and let you take over. A mother/child bond is very strong, even when neglect and abuse is involved. I have a "special" son whom I got through marriage. I got him when he was 10 and his mother is really a piece of work, to put it nicely. He's in college now, I'm divorced from his father, but I'm still Mom. He comes to visit on holidays and calls me often. He has little to do with his biological Mom. But he still loves her. He understands what kind of person she is, he doesn't want much to do with her, but she is still the woman who gave birth to him, and even after all this time and the lack of contact (He hasn't spoken to her in over two years), he still isn't ready to completely cut her out of his life. I am sure that he still holds out some hope that someday she will change. My point is, as much as you love your stepson, you have to consider his feelings, needs and wants. Take it slow. But do not hesitate getting him out of a dangerous situation. Also, as you said, knowing something and proving it are two different things. If you suspect neglect or abuse, report it to social services and let them investigate.

[InstaMom]

yngstepmom!

I know where you are right now... I've been there myself. I became a step mom at 19. The bio mom was a piece of work! She was doing the drugs in front of her daughters (one was my step daughter). We couldn't get someone to do anything, the health and human services in nebraska told us that she wasn't in any immediate danger, because she came home and got fed, bathed, breathing clean air, and so on.

We got full custody and then when it continued on her weekend visits, we fought harder and we got supervised visits only. The bio mom here is still in trouble, jail for theft at the moment!

Anyway... my advice to you is..... Keep a diary of everything! Take pictures of how your soon to be step son comes to you, the behaviors he displays, take notes on times of visits, if they started on time or late, if she picked him up on time or late. I know how tedious it is and how you don't want to spend time writing notes about the woman, but it really helps. If we hadn't of done it, we wouldn't have gotten supervised visits. We are now trying for terminated so I can adopt my daughter. If you are serious about this, make sure you are very thorough and listen very carefully to the way your step son talks, because kids say things that they don't realize could be important!

Good Luck!