[mom of two]

my husband and i have been married for three years. He has been the only father that my son has ever known. He has been with my son for four years. Visitation with the bio. father started out good and went down hill from there. The bio., father has called me and told me to have the papers drawn up for my husband to adopt my son. Can anyone give me some details, and what this is going to cost me, what exactly will change, anyone out there have any advice.

[LadySpirit]

Hi., Not sure where you live...but in New Jersey with the attorney I have its 2500 for an uncontested adoption. If the bio parent contests, my attorney then goes hourly.

Hope it helps.

[debsdone]

As with most things, I suggest trying a self help clinic...rather than an expensive lawyer. An uncontested adoption is not complicated. It is just paperwork. What will change is the legal standing of the child's parents. The bio father who signs off his rights, also gets out from under his responsibilities. It is as if he is no longer related to the child. No child-support, insurance, inheritance etc. The step-father now inherits those responsibilities. If you divorce next year, he (step-father/adopted father) has the same visitation and child support as any other father. He can sue for custody. At that point the biological relationship of the mother won't have any weight as she will have signed papers agreeing to the adoption. And I think, other than the emotional changes, that's about it! Debi

[WhiteRaven]

In Va it only cost me 250 dollars and a company benefit from my employers paid for it.I might consider shopping around. 2500 dollars sounds abit steep.

[mom of two]

i got a reply and was wondering what kind of emotional changes will be the hardest. my son is 5. what will be the best and worst. i hope someone can help

[WhiteRaven]

My sons bio mother was a familiar face to him and nothing more, we were blessed that he suffered no detachment feelings at the time, however, now that he knows he is adopted he is curious

[LadySpirit]

I agree $2500 is pretty pricey. But going into this.. I have a feeling it will be ugly contested mess.. so an attorney is definitely needed. If its going to be a simple adoption, uncontested then definitely see if you can do it on your own. As much as I wish mine were going to be easy....they wont. Expertise is going to be needed in my case. ::: sigh ::::

[kayleedoo]

My daughter is 5, and has been raised by my husband since right after her first birthday. she does not know her bio father, he has only seen her twice, once when she was about 3 months old, and again when she was about 15 months old(-and that was only bc his mother pretty much made him. )
Anyways, she calls him daddy and now we are making it official by him adopting her. She doesn't know anything about it, we aren't sure that she'd be able to understand what is going on, since nothing will change for her, no one will leave, no one new will be moving in, etc.
We have paid about $2,000 for our attorney & guardian ad litem (our state requires this- it's a court appointed person-usually a lawyer- who is only to represent the interest of the child, not either side of the parents) This is for an uncontested adoption (the bio-"sperm donor" in our case voluntarily signed over his rights) which means he no longer has to pay the little bit of child support any more, no insurance, no visitation/custody ever, etc. you can then change your child's name if you want to (which you can't do without bio's consent anyways-at least not here in SC) and the step parent can then have full legal rights, if you were to ever seperate, they would have rights to custody, vistation, child support, etc, the step parent will also now be listed on the child's birth certificate as the father.
We just had a visit with the guardian (kinda like a social worker & they have to visit your home, make sure you have an adequate place to live, food, clothes, etc,) they also have to do a criminal record check on my husband, as well as a financial check. It's pretty much like you are adopting a whole new child as if you having already been raising them this way their whole life.
We are now waiting for our court hearing to be scheduled. so far it's been 10 months in the actual process, but about 3 of those were waiting to figure out that i needed to hire a lawyer bc I couldn't get through the process without one, and another 3 were waiting for the bio-father to take his sweet time to sign over his rights. (*funny* during this time i ran into him during a visit home-MASS-where he still lives- and he tried to buy me a drink and didn't have enough money to do so! that really made me laugh- considering he is such a loser and definitely wasn't broke bc he paid alot of child support!)

Also, I good point: to try to help speed up the process- we offered to bio-father that he could stop paying support as soon as he signed the papers and any arrearage would be erased, rather than him waiting until the adoption was finalized for support to stop, and still having to pay back all he owed from the past if he contested. (as the laws here state)

sorry so long, hope this helps, i'm new here!