[Sciencefa]

Hello,

I need some honest and compassionate advice. My husband and I have been married two years. He has an 18 year old daughter (whom he and his ex-wife adopted as a baby) and I have a 10 year old daughter. My daughter's bio-father has NEVER been in her life and only paid court ordered support from 1996 to 1997. Although I have tried to locate him, my attempts have been unsuccessful. My husband of two years is really the only father figure my 10 year old has had, but she is not very close to him. He loves her very much, but isn't sure how she feels about him. She is a preteen, I know, but I am concerned that she and him aren't really bonding. He would like to adopt her, but he wants her to agree to it wholeheartedly.

Any comments, advice, etc? I feel like I'm worrying too much. I guess, I just want my 10 year old to have a father-daughter bond with him. There is no doubt that my husband will always be there for her as well as his 18 year old daughter.

Thank you so much everyone.

[HappyMomAnna]

My kids were 12 and 13 when I met their step-father and it tooks way longer for them to bond with him..... In fact my youngest didn't slip up and say, "I love you," to him for about four years....
I would give your daughter some time, maybe talk to her oneday after shopping stop and have pie and talk about how much he cares for her....how you really want her to have a father who is part of her life......one who will walk her down the isle when she gets married and be a grandpa to her kids... talk and then let her know you are not in a rush...... then let some time pass.

There will still be certain steps that need to be taken to terminate her birthfathers rights and it does take time to get everything done.

Bring this issue up once in awhile..... try refering to your husband as 'dad' casually......like during dinner, "hey dad could you please pass the potatos...." Give her some time to get used to the reality of it all.....she will want a dad at her wedding and a grandpa for her kids....she will start to like the idea of a dad, if she is helped to see what that really means in the future not just for today.

You might be surprised that her feelings start to change...she is not far away from the 'love daddy' teenager thing. she will start to feel better about this if the benefits are made about her and her life not her step father and what he wants or needs....focuse on her needs and the things lttle girls want from dads.

[Sciencefa]

Originally posted by HappyMomAnna
My kids were 12 and 13 when I met their step-father and it tooks way longer for them to bond with him..... In fact my youngers didn't slip up and say, "I love you," to him for about four years....

Thank you so much for your input, I really, really appreciate it. I will give her some time...my husband is fine with her and where she is at. I think I'm the one more worried about it. Time will tell and I pray she will see him for the kind of dad he is. He loves her so much. Thank you so much. God bless you

[kovmom]

Communicate with your daughter is my best advice for you. Also involve your husband. Explain to her what adoption means and tell her that he wants to do this b/c he loves her. I am an adoptive mom of two girls, now 14 and 15, and i adopted them 6 years ago. Just keep communication open with her, and keep hugging her and telling her how much she is loved. It is what all kids need, and it may actually better her relationship with her dad knowing that her loves her enough to adopt her.

Good luck.

[Sledge]

I think that older kids take time to bond with new people. Just be patient it will eventually happen.