[makago]

Hi everyone,

I need some help to get started, We live in Wa State, My boyfriend and I have 7 monts old son together and I have a 3 year old son from prior relationship and my 3 year old sons father" which is living in another country and has not seen his son for last 9 months" has already signed consent for adoption and agree to that my boyfriend can adopt the 3 year old.

We cannot afford to hire an attorney and would like to do the papers our selves..where do we get the papers, and how can we get the help to fill it out...thanks

Mie from WA state

[radiodoll]

My opinion is that boyfriends shouldn't be adopting anyone. Why no marriage, no commitment after HIS son was born. Watch out for writing on the wall.

Radiodoll

[makago]

Well for your informations we known each other since childhood as best friends and later in our adult life we have been together since then for about 20 years..........this might now make you feel more confotable about our situations.....

We are planning to get married, but working on to have a big wedding where we can be able to invite all of our relatives and friends which does come from another country and this take times to arrange such a big blast to make sure that everyone gets to come and enjoy us..

We just wanted to go head have the adoption taken care of first since my eks has already agreed to it..

So come on..help us out how to do this........without spending a fortune on attorneys......

[debsdone]

Sorry, but I am with Radio on this. No marriage, no adoption. If the practical realities of this aren't enough...perhaps it would help to know that adopting is easier and possible to do without a lawyer IF the person adopting is married to a biological parent. It IS possible to get married privately and have the party later. Once adopted....if you and your boyfriend split up, you have no automatic rights to parent your child. It is too big a step to wait for a "party" IMO Debi

[Brian Dean]

It is much harder and complicated to have a person adopt your child who is not tied to the birth parent in some way such as marriage. We just went through a step parent adoption five years ago with a lawyer and it was still expensive, time consuming and hard. The longer you wait with out the birthfather trying to contact the child the easier it will be. Where we live if the birth parent goes for one year without contact that is concidered abandonment and will make the adoption process go much easier, you will not need the birthfathers permission. so please be patient and get married, make sure this is the best thing for you precious angel.

[vicrose]

Good Morning...I have to agree with the ladies on this one...I believe that you should wait to have a committment from any man before you let them adopt your child...if your willing to spend money on a big wedding...then a few dollars for an adoption shouldn't matter...right??? Your child is worth every penny....so do it the right way...just wait. That's just my take on the situation...with the information that you've provided us with. Does the 3 year old child's father still have visitation or pay child support? When you look at a step-parent adoption..you have to look at all angles also...it's not just what's on paper...it's what's in the hart...does the child's fathers' family still see the child..if so, what's they're role going to be after the adoption? Are you still going to have contact with the other family? The choices you make today will follow your child for the rest of they're life....so slow down, and get married first...enjoy your wedding..start a new life for yourself..and then if your new husband still wants to adopt..then definitely seek legal action....Hugs, Brenda

[JandTHall]

I have to disagree with most of you all. Even though they are not married, the child still sees the boyfriend as the father. Therefore, adoption or not if they split it wouldn't be advisable to keep the child from seeing the boyfriend he considers his father. As with biological fathers, the parents may split but its best to keep that relationship intact if possible. Therefore, if the bdad isnt the childs psychological parent let the boyfriend adopt. It will ensure that if something happens to the mom, the child will go to the person he is attached to (boyfriend) instead of the sperm donor father.

[Lindsie]

Right on JandTHall! I also think that as long as the commitment is there, marriage is ultimately just a piece of paper. The important thing is that the child knows the boyfriend and identifies him as his father.

[BrandyHagz]

From what I understand, most states wont even consider a "step parent adoption" unless the person adopting is actually a step parent....and in most states, that means 2 years of marriage.

[M.Dumas]

You said you are saving up for a wedding. Could you do both at the same day? (or a day apart) Get married and adopte.
You would have your friends and family there to celebrate the new family.

Something to think about.

~Marcia~

[Lindsie]

I'm from Australia so most of our laws are very different to yours. I can't believe that most states say that you actually have to be married to be a step-parent. Here as long as you are in a bona fide domestic relationship and have lived in it for a certain period of time the law considers you in almost the same way as married couples.